Amanda Hug'n Kiss

2011-03-29T12:20:00.002-05:00

http://www.yourfirstembrace.com/

2011-02-16T11:36:00.000-06:00

I has been an ooper-super long time since I last posted on here. Life has been flying by. I don't know why, but we are in CONSTANT season of change in our family. It is exhausting, but that God we haven't had to live in long in any of the seasons we have gone through the past few years, I would have lost it by now. So this is meant to be a little family update, for anyone who has been curious, or just needs a little coffee break entertainment (or if you're looking for someone to pray for, cause I've never NOT needed it)

The biggest news is that Bryan got accepted into an Engineering program and will be going back to school full time in the fall. The most amazing part, was after years of being out of school he still passed all the placement tests and doesn't have to retake or backtrack. He should be graduating in 2 years!!! In case your wondering how this could be possible for our family, he is using the post 9-11 GI bill, it will also give us money for housing as well as covering school.

This brings me to my next big news, I'm finishing my education as well. I started my doula certification years ago just before we had Nolan. I had several hard years with grief to work through, but I have ALWAYS wanted to work with women and am in love with pregnancy and childbirth. It's really my dream job. I'm actually working on 3 certifications; Labor Doula, Childbirth Educator (teaching the classes), and Lactation Educator. So it's a lot, but I have some experience on my side, and I did most of the course work years ago, not it's time to get back up to speed.

In other news, my brilliant husband had an "epiphany" of sorts the other day. The Volvo was in the shop several months ago and got a pretty hopeless diagnosis for the engine. So he has been saving money to get it fixed for quite a while (meanwhile we are borrowing a car from a family member). I won't go into technical detail, too much and too complicated, but while at work it suddenly occurred to him why the guys in the shop were wrong. He came up with a test to see if his theory was correct... he was right. Now all he has to do is some minor repairs and the Volvo should be up and running, maybe by the end of the weekend. Let me emphasize A) i think he is either brilliant or crazy for coming up with the whole thing (which clearly points to God literally answering his prayer through conversation) B) Will save us maybe $1000 and get us back to having to running vehicle AND saving my sanity months sooner!

The kids are doing great, although there have been a few times lately I confess I am looking forward to moving over summer break. We will be moving to the other side of town, and definitely finding somewhere with more space. So I continually have to keep handing over our living situation to God's control, I have all these wants or feelings, but in the end I know there will be perfect timing.

Things that aren't headliners: Bryan hasn't shaved his beard since Thanksgiving. eck.
I will be making Colonel Grade 1 on Halo today (lol) and hearts explode out of me when I die, which confuses most people (men). Also, we recently got headsets so we can talk to other players while playing, most people (men) assume that I am a 9 year old boy when they hear my voice. So when I tear it up (do really well), I get cursed out a lot. Sooo, the headset may not be helping me.
By summer, Lucy's hair will probably be long enough to get into her diaper, so potty training is eminent (or a hair trim, which I'm against)
I got bangs. Fashionable, yet I still feel strange.
One of my bestest friends is having her 5th baby, and will find out the gender next month, I'm soooo excited :)
I am almost done reading "Wuthering Heights", and will soon be re reading "The Great Gatsby" in time for the movie remake to come out.
Oh, and for those who didn't know... the Pack won the Super Bowl.

2010-12-21T09:10:00.001-06:00

I just wanted to write a little "pre-Christmas" blog entry. I haven't posted for ages, I have been very committed to trying to really focus on what's going on around me, and make sure all my priorities are strait.

The real reason is that I wanted to brag (and repent) a little about my kids. They have been through so much this year, and with out them I think I wouldn't have had a reason to keep getting out of bed every morning. They lost everything that was normal and safe in their little world, EXCEPT us and Jesus.

I admit I really expected some very negative side effects from all of these changes. I thought for sure they would be acting out, angry, sad, and displaced. But they aren't. They're fantastic. I really think that, although the losses were painful, and change was hard, we were following what God wanted us to do in this season in life. The call often hasn't made sense to us, but he has continually protected our children.

Since living here (in this tiny living space) we have put nearly ALL their toys in storage. I am a little OCD about clutter (I'm not a neat-freak, but clutter increases my anxiety) so minimizing as much as possible was my only option. There are still days when one of the kids will ask something like: "where's my Lightning McQueen cars?", and I have to say: "remember, honey, they're in storage, and we'll see them again someday."
So, as any mom can imagine, it has been HARD work to keep them entertained in a small space with not much to do.
But here's what I noticed when I was watching them play today:
They are SO content. I even asked Jack what he wants for his birthday and he literally couldn't think of anything, and got angry when I asked him again later. They just like to talk to each other, move around, look at books, sing together, and are truly happy with what they have.
I am so proud of them. They are some of the strongest little people I know, and have over-come more challenges than many adults I know.
So, not to leave anyone fretting or feeling sad for them, they are going to have a fantastic Christmas (and birthdays on the 28th and 30th). It may actually be more than they can handle...
I hope you all, like me have really taken the time to evaluate what you are teaching your children, not just with the Christmas season, but with your lifestyle. The hard road is often the road to character and success. I am so thankful that the difficulties in my life have been used to make my children stronger people.

So for the repenting: I don't know if they ever have or ever will have another Christmas like this one. We DO NOT put an emphasis on gifts etc, but this is the season we are in and it's a small way to bring a little sunshine into their life. Hopefully it don't come back to bite me next week when I have to take back everything I've said previously.

2010-10-13T11:36:00.001-05:00

I have several blogging friends who participate in "Thursday Thanks...", and I love reading those posts. It's so important to take time to recognize all the blessings God has provided us with, because if we don't we are apt to start viewing God as selfish and impersonal. Today is not Thursday, but I wanted to take the time to make a list of "thanks". I think I'm writing this post more for myself to view than anyone else, but I hope that it can be used for others as well.
The list actually is going to start a few years back, not just things from this past week. As I said, I'm really writing it for my own recognition of Gods work in my life, and I just want to see some of the major things all put together.
If my "Thank you Lord for the Life you have given me" list brings up some memories and feelings about your own life, please make a list or blog of your own, and make sure you let me know how it turns out.
Lastly, fall is always a very meaning time of year for me. Six years ago in the month of October, our unborn son was diagnosed via ultrasound, with genetic abnormalities that would ultimately end his life. October is "Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness" month. If you have lost a pregnancy or infant, I will be having a vigil through the 15th of October (Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day) on my other blog http://likemaryandmartha.blogspot.com/ Please visit their and leave your babies name/birthday/heavenday or any other thing you like to commemorate your loss.

I am Thankful for

~ The day I married my husband, Bryan, January 5, 2002.

~ The day my son, Aiden Conner, was born. February 18 2003. Looking back I realize that he had challenges (autism/etc) even on that day, but I wouldn't change a thing.

~ The day my son, Nolan Michael, was born and born again in heaven. March 21 2005. This includes every day of his life, spent right next to my heart.

~ The day Jackson Cash was born. My FAVORITE birth experience BY FAR. Amazing. I would have 100 children if it would always be like that day. Cutest baby EVER.
~The day I found out I was pregnant with Lucy, just a month after my 5th miscarriage, when we had decided we wouldn't try for anymore children.

~ The day my daughter, Lucy Clover was born, via emergency c-section, on my 26th birthday, December 30, 2008.

~ The day Bryan lost his job, in June 2010. It's hard to explain, but it was an answer to prayer.

~ The day we sold our truck, last Friday.

In my heart, the list is much longer, with lots of joy, loss, suffering. I just can't explain it all.

On selling the truck

2010-10-05T12:00:00.000-05:00

Life isn't always like this. Sometimes, to the glory of God, we have to whether the storm like soldiers. Knowing about what Jesus, a real man who suffered real pain, went through, not just for us but BECAUSE of us, we should be able to stand up during difficulty and have courage.
BUT, sometimes God intervenes and calms the storm. It isn't based on anything we have done, but His love Grace and mercy toward our human condition. I don't believe in a distant mythical God who looks down at the chaos of the world. Jesus, my God is personal. He has experienced life in a physical body, with all that is included. People hated him, because he was a pioneer in civil rights, women's rights, and a friend to the suffering and oppressed. I never have to think of my God as someone who doesn't understand how crappy life is, who is privileged and pompous.
This is all about His Grace and Love, something I STRUGGLE to understand in a real and complete way. Everyone looks at a particular part of Christianity or the bible and thinks "most of this is true, but probably not that". Some people have a hard time with creation, and seeing that God created the science in the world (as if science were to exact for some sloppy god) or maybe struggling to understand why the bible is relevant to our lives now. For me, however, the struggle has been with God's unconditional Grace and Love.
I struggle to BELIEVE that "God" would love each person, and I struggle to believe God would give Grace to each individual person. I know that it's true, because I believe in the accuracy, completeness, authority, and God inspired Bible, and the bible tells me about the size of God's Grace and Love.
So why do I struggle? because of my own personal pain and loss. There were times I was allowed to suffer, struggle, or fall. There has been a pretty heavy amount of loss in my life, and in working out my grief I always come down to one question "if he loves me so much, then why did this happen?"
But the truth is, the real answer lies not with in "how good has God been to me?" but with in my own personal sin, incompetence, depravity, and inability to save myself. People try to be their own "personal savior" their whole life. Using tools like but not limited to: money, power, religion, self-righteousness, physical fitness, and good intentions to try to make themselves whole. Trying to make all their mistakes, weaknesses, and losses go away or become justified somehow. But the fact is we can't.
So today, God has used His Grace and Love in an area of my life that could have seemed like a nice coincidence to someone else. But today I'm going to choose to see the Love behind it. I need to learn this lesson. It's the only way to allow the pain to be fully His, and not hang on to it for myself. I have to accept both the lessons from pain and the lessons from joy, not only the things that turn out the way I want.

2010-10-04T06:56:00.000-05:00

Last week was CRAY-ZEY. We were confronted with financial issues that could have been pretty devastating. As a family we have had to work really hard to overcome many financial blows from this past year. We had to learn to do the right thing to the glory of Jesus, and not because we thought there would be pay off or a reward in the end. Medical bills, Bryan's job loss, moving from Washington to Wisconsin, and so many other unexpected things along the way.
Last week we came to realize that with things the way they are we weren't going to have an easy time of getting financed to buy our truck when it's lease is up this week. Thursday I was praying about this, when something happened that is rare and unusual for me. God answered me on the spot. We weren't supposed to keep the truck. it all made sense and I knew we had to give it up in order to receive whatever God had planned for us.
But there was a problem. I knew Bryan wasn't going to like this idea. It was something that had been briefly discussed before and not positively on his part. I was pretty sure my asking him to do something like give back his truck and settle for something less was going to really tick him off. So really, I prayed about it. I prayed about it for about 2 hours with out ever receiving peace on the issue, when my phone chimed. Bryan sent me a text, humbly asking me if I would be okay with it if he just turned the truck in.
WHOA.
When he got home a few hours later we were both so relieved to be on the same page, both feeling strongly that it was truly what God was asking us to do. But now we had the issue of finding out how we were ever going to afford another vehicle. We were nearly broke as it was. We knew that we were being led to pay cash for something, so that we had no monthly payment or investment in a car, leaving that money open to other use. So we turned to good old Craigslist. We searched and made offers on a few things. This vehicle had to run, and have enough room to squeeze in 3 kids. Finding such a thing for the amount we had allotted was proving to be impossible. So we prayed about it some more. We both felt very strongly that we should not spend over $500 for this car. (I think that's because God didn't want us to become vain and start making prideful decisions about what we wanted) Bryan found one car that ran, and was listed at almost $1000, but at this point he was getting serious about our budget, and despite the number of sellers who had been really irritated at his low offers, he offered $450 for a car that was clearly worth more. NEVER did we expect almost an immediate response (which is also rare when using Craigslist) that simply said "its a deal".
So, on Saturday we went and picked up our new family car.
I'm not telling this story to brag about what an awesome deal we got, I just wanted to allow people to see this example of the way God provides when you follow his will. Now we have a car and no car payments. And, it's a pretty nice care believe it or not. It's a volvo and it has every bell and whistle and everything works!
Now, to continue the story (sorry, there's more) we are now trying to sell the Nissan instead of turning it in. It would make a HUGE impact on us financially to be able to sell. I would appreciate all of your prayers on this, we only have DAYS before we have to turn it in. I know at this point that it is totally up to the mercy of God, and if it isn't meant to be it isn't meant to be, but I am really hoping.

So, here's the second story, which is much shorter. most of my friends know that I have been having health issues. Praise God we started up our insurance last night and we can now go to the doctor whenever we want. We also have full eye and dental coverage, which is a good thing because the kids ruined my last set of contacts last night by filling the case with tap water.
Anyway, so I have praying a lot about my energy level, and that I will find a doctor who can help me, or that God wold heal me. Several months ago I started to develop a large cyst or something on the side of my foot. untreated it continued to grow and cause pain. I don't know what happened, all I know is that I had been praying that it wouldn't rupture (because I know that would be super painful and could cause infection) and that everything would work out if I was told I needed surgery (which it was pretty obvious I would).
Then last night when I was reading to the kids, I noticed that the pain and pressure in that part of my foot just "wasn't there". I was so used to the pain, it had been there for months. I reached down to rub my foot to feel only foot. It was gone. Seriously, just gone. I realize there are probably plenty of medical explanations for this, and that doesn't surprise me because God created the human body and all its functions, but really I was shocked. To shocked to even think about it. I think it took about 30 minutes to tell Bryan, and not even with any enthusiasm, because I was just too shocked.

So, there is my testimony for the first week of October. I love October, and I love fall. This is the beginning of a bittersweet holiday season for me every year, when I can't avoid or deny the blessings and presence of God in my life. No matter how difficult the rest of the year has been.

I'm going to go to Starbucks and get a pumpkin pie spice latte now.

Family Update

2010-09-21T12:02:00.000-05:00

Here's just a little update on what's been going on with our family here in Wisconsin:

Aiden is getting into the swing of things at school, making friends, loosing teeth, and getting chased by girls. The babies and I have been enjoying some down-time at home. Bryan was recently made an official full time employee at work (he was on a 90 day probationary period since June). This means our new health care will start up October 1st, a HUGE answer to prayer.
Friends please continue to keep us in your prayers, we are still adjusting to our new life here.
If you would like to pray for us specifically here is our list of requests at this time:
- Continued success for Bryan at work
- Guidance and patience for us in deciding what to do about our living situation. We are still in a 2 bedroom apartment, and are trying to decide how long to stay here and what the plan should be next. It's so hard for me to have patience in this area!
- Health issues. I am having some issues (praise God for health insurance!) And Aiden is going to be having some more testing and evaluations. I'll keep you posted.
- A vehicle. We sold the motorcycle to help pay for our move out here, and now we only have one vehicle. This is becoming a challenge and we are concerned about winter. It is about an 8 minute walk to the bus stop, and I have to take all the kids with me. Temperatures go well below 0 here in the winter. Please pray that we would find a solution.

we are really excited to see my parents here next month, and then to be visiting my family in Indiana over Thanksgiving holiday.

Friends, if there is anything I can be praying for for you please feel free to email me likemaryandmartha@yahoo.com

I love to hear from anyone who has questions or concerns!

2010-08-05T09:18:00.000-05:00

My new blog is up (and mostly running).
Please check it out :)

http://likemaryandmartha.blogspot.com/

2010-07-28T12:45:00.000-05:00

So here are the latest details:

I am working on a new blog that will be up and running sometime nextweek. I think it's going to be a good outlet/ministery for the season I am in right now. Think: tattoos, Jesus, cooking, music, kids, relationships, and lots more cool stuff. I will basically be doing writing about stuff I find, my perspective on life, and throwing in some really cool stuff from other people. My awsome friend (and my brothers girlfriend), Rhianna, is an amazing artist and is currently working on some original work for my page. I also have a little give-away planned. So, there is lots of exciting stuff in the works.

So here is what I need from my friends and readers:

Do you have a cool tattoo or piercing? does it have a story? Send me pics of your fav tats to likemaryandmartha@yahoo.com

ALSO, if you have an adorable baby, untrasound pic or baby bump you want to share? Please send me your pics to likemaryandmartha@yahoo.com

Different pics will be updated every few weeks, so when you have something to share send it my way! (none of the photos used will be used for any purposes other than my blog and will not be sent to anyone else, all photos recieved will be archived and potentially used at a later time)

2010-07-27T10:23:00.000-05:00

My poor little blog, forgotten and neglected for so long. No, not really forgotten, I just couldn't write. I've been quietly contemplating, the last few weeks, how to renew and restart this blog. The change is based on the changes in my life. I am still not sure what I'm going to do. There were times when I wanted to tell all of my friends, or anyone who might still check this blog for signs of life, exactly what has been going on in my life from my perspective.

So, I am going to do a little more planning and have a GRand Re-Openning the beginning of next week.

Until then, if you can please pray for me:

1: I have been dealing with an ulcer for almost a month, and am waiting for our new health insurence to kick in in just a few weeks.

2: My other "health problems" have returned, and I am trying not to be controlled by them.

3: Bryan and I have some big decisions to make. He will be starting classes in the fall, he still isn't sure what the best course of action to take is going to be. He wants to go to bible seminary, but isn't sure the best road to take and where to go. We are trying to take it one day at a time, but it's hard when there are so many needs and we feel called to help in so many areas.

4: I am signing Aiden up for school in the fall, he is ambivilant about returning to public school. I am praying for good placement and success for him this year, and help with early planning to get him in to an excellent charter school next year.

I would love to get some emails or messages from anyone who wants to write me! I can't say that I'm "lonely", but it's nice to hear from friends while making this big adjustment.

2010-05-29T13:28:00.000-05:00

Ok, so a few people are asking about prices. It's so hard for me to even know what to ask. Here is a list of some of the things and what I would LIKE to get for them.

TRain table with all track and pieces (there is wear and tear on one side of the table, it's hard to explain, so interrested parties should look first) $45? I think they still retail for quite around 120...? It does have drawers that hold all the bits when you want to put them away.

Thomas the Tank stuff. Lots of it. On one hand it is all very pricey retail, but it's been loved and played with. I really want it to go with the train table, it makes more sense that way. I was thinking around $20, but together maybe $60?
This includes a train carrying case, lots of di-cast trains, some play sets like a windmill thing. It's just hard to know what would be appropriate. And, I must add that I am quite sad and hesitant about this, but the boys have really moved past the Thomas phase and they never play with the table anymore.

Fridge... umm, I saw a similar one on craiglist for $150. Its a nice big side by side, the only problem is the door water/ice dispenser doesn't work right. I must say having an extra freezer in the garage has made a pretty big difference in my grocery bills.

Other stuff is just kinda "make a donation", like I said I can't really list everything.

For Sale

2010-05-28T16:37:00.000-05:00

Now that we know we are going to be moving we are planning another garage sale. Before doing that I wanted to let all my friends know that they have first dibbs. Here is a list of some of the things for sale, if you are interrested just let me know.

Train table with wooden track, trains, airport and accessories

Large bin of Thomas the Tank Engine toys

Baby/0-12 mos type toys (ie donut stacker, see-n-say, peeka-blocks etc)

Amish style rocking chair

lots of garden decor and pots w/and w/o plants

garage refridgerator (nice big side by side)

-There will be more, and there are LOTS of smaller toys I won't list here. I will have a garage sale very soon, so you can wait for that, but wanted to give friends a chance to come look first. I'm really negotiable on prices, I really just want everything to go, and make a little travel money in the process.

2010-05-08T14:34:00.000-05:00

This week has been a storm! Bryan lost his job (that's putting the circumstances into a polite view), we celebrated his 28th birthday a couple days later, and all kinds of other little things.
I'm EXHAUSTED.
I've decided not to talk publicly about the terms of Bryan's release from Kvichak at this time. Sometimes you have to let the whole thing "playout" first, ya know? But I will talk about how this has affected us individually and as a family, to God be the glory.
Crushed, devastated, shocked. Bryan has worked very hard to get to the position he was at in the company. We as a family have made lots of sacrifices.
What happens when someone uses deceit, slander, and crooked tactics to attack us and take what they want? Here is a few things I have learned this weeks:

-23Don't have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. 24And the Lord's servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. 25Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, 26and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will. -2 Timothy 2:23

This comes from a section that my bible has titled "The Unashamed Workman". This is how we are to deal with the people who oppose us in the workplace, and in other places.

I also found myself rereading Psalm 142, 143, 143

Have you ever struggled with someone managing to let struggles enter your life because of false claims made against you? It is very hard when you, if you are a Christian, work very hard to live with integrity and honesty, and THAT is exactly where Satan decides to attack you. It hurts when people purposefully damage your reputation. Trying to figure out how to save your honor and defend yourself, and learning when to walk away.

This week someone lied, threatened, and ultimately walked away with my husband's job, and the food off our table. Why? I don't know. Here's what my husband had to say about these circumstances this morning;

"A few months ago this would had really messed with me. I'm angry, but things are different now. Leading up to this: God brought us to Mars Hill, gave us some great friends, and prepared us. Now I feel like it's not that bad. Jesus suffered and died, he was innocent, and he took it, just so people like me and *** (guy who planned this whole mess) can live our lives. This pails in comparison."

Loosing but not lost

2010-05-03T19:32:00.000-05:00

There are pieces for a really long post that are building up in my mind. For now, because I am a little dysfunctional, I'm just going to keep it short-ish.

I want to first tell all of you a little blurb that I wrote in my prayer journal very early this morning, before I knew what was coming my way.

And I quote, uh... myself:
"Lord, please forgive me for the extreme fear and cowardice I have toward suffering as of lately. What I should be saying is 'Let it come'."

Then just a couple hours later my husband walked through the door with a paper in his hand, telling him he had been laid off. What does it mean? I dunno yet. I have some hopes, some ideas, some faith. But your prayers would be so helpful. This hurts, it really hurts. We did not see is coming, whatsoever.

Psalm 119:50
My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life.

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.
- 1 Peter 5:7-11

2010-04-26T14:30:00.000-05:00

The Weekend in review:

Bryan is finally home. All week last week, while he was in Florida, I decided to have a "theme" for my week: "Empowering Grace". What does that mean? Well, recently I listened to some awesome teaching on the topic of grace. It was interesting to me, because the idea of grace coming from a God of the universe sounded ridiculous to me. Why? What does that even mean? Well, I'll let you do some research later if you are wondering the same thing, but one way that Christians, and only Christians who have the Holy Spirit, receive God's grace in the form of empowerment. That would be God allowing us to make it through difficult or impossible situations with out falling apart. That moment when you think "ok, I'm done, that's too much", that's when God's grace takes over the situation. It's kinda like that drive home late at night, and when you pull in the driveway you realize you don't even remember the last hour on the road....
So, knowing that I was going to be pulled in every direction through a VERY busy week with no daddy to come to the rescue at night, I decided I was going to choose to go into the week relying on "Empowering Grace".
To sum it all up, my week went perfectly well. Everyone was tired, but of course everyone was abnormally well behaved and larger amounts of housework were accomplished. I don't know what else to say, except you should try this sometime (optimally every day :)
Ok, so lots of other things have been going on. We're being tried financially, and in many other ways. We're taking things one step at a time. There are some things I don't talk about on my blog because I don't want to set it to private. But change seems to be on the horizon, AGAIN.
We are now attending services at Mars Hill, at the Federal Way campus. I have been talking about this for weeks, and probably driving everyone CRAZY. But seriously, it's good. Even if you aren't looking for a change or a church, I highly recommend clicking on the link I included here and just enjoying some good teaching.
Tah-dah! Happy Monday!

http://www.marshillchurch.org/media/religionsaves/grace

2010-04-22T16:39:00.000-05:00

I have several friends that do regular "thankful" themed posts on Thursdays or other days of the week. I'm going to use that idea today to post a few things I am deeply thankful for this week.

1. Friends. Remember a few months ago when I wrote a post on "friendship" and different phases in life. So, it's not that anything has really "changed". I don't really have a bosom buddy or a bff. BUT, God has really put some awesome people in my life, in just the right areas, and just the right ways. I wouldn't be able to maintain a bff type relationship, and nor would I want to with a hubby, three kids, and home. I can't stretch much farther. SO instead over the past 6 months or so I have become aware of the friends I have, who also are in the same position, and have learned how to maintain some really healthy relationships with out feeling drained. Through this realization I have realized I really "love" some of these girls! You know what I mean. I miss them if I haven't seen them in a couple weeks, and I really love their interesting personalities and lives. If you are reading this and you are wondering if I'm talking about you, I probably am! ((hug))This is what friendship looks like during motherhood, CONGRATULATIONS! haha

2. My husband. I always love him, but right now I am so proud of him and blah blah blah. I'm not good with the mushy love stuff. But you when you see real growth in your spouse, as a person, AND as a Christian it is sooooo wonderful. (no I'm not trying to say he had maturity problems before, but we got married at 19 for peet sakes)

3. My kids. They are... I dunno, I'm pretty affluent (ha! I meant "affluent with words!" when I went back and read this I laughed cause I'm broke as a joke!) but I can't think of a word to go here. Bryan has been in Florida all week, and not once have I wished to be aways from the homschool, potty training, fussing, and fiascoes. I have been able to really see them clearly this week. I'm TOTALLY exhausted, and completely awake and energized at the same time.

4. The most important one I saved for last. So anyone who is still reading and wants to know WHY in the world I'm so chipper, here it is. I have given up "religion". I mean it. It wasn't right for me. I have left all the rules behind and decided that I want to live my life differently. "What?" "Really?", you're thinking.
Jesus did not come to earth to give us rules, he came here to take all the man made rules, bureaucracy, legalism, hypocrisy, and Pharisaical crap and shove it right back in the face of man and Satan (the one who wants to use rules and bs to scare you away from Jesus). I am so happy because I have chosen to stop going through with "commitments", "rituals", and "superstition" that had nothing to do with the man Jesus or anything that he stood for. So I'm back to basics. I don't want anyone to think that I am saying that the church I belonged to or other churches like it were "wrong" or evil in anyway, but I think Satan was using the repetition, shallowness, and circular thought patterns that were lacking in biblical study and deeper thinking, to make me tired, let down, bored, and distracted. So there it is, you heard it here first. I'm done. And what I have already planted in place of that mess is totally changing me. Change is really scary even when it's good, but man you would not believe the stuff that has been happening around me since I made this commitment. People around me are changing, acting crazy, and weird stuff is happening. Love you guys, and I hope you have already experienced this at some point in your life. If you haven't I hope you start doing your own research. Listen to that voice, and that feeling in the pit of your stomach. Life on earth can be so much better.

2010-04-18T23:31:00.000-05:00

I feel different. I mean, I really feel different. I hadn't been doing a consistent "bible study" in while. On top of it we have been doing some searching as far as finding a new church home. God kept calling me back to a certain place. I spent MONTHS waiting for Bryan to start coming around. He was just so blah for a while. Then one day, through nothing that had anything to do with me, he started investigating this church online (the same one I had been thinking about). We started listening to the sermons that are available online together. Then I started listening to them every morning,and during the kids nap time. We happen to have some friends we love that already attend this church, and when we told them we will be there next weekend (when Bryan gets home)and would like to visit their community group, they're happy response has only made it that much more natural.
I'm SO happy Bryan and I are both growing as people again and God has really lead us in the same direction. I'm so so so glad for how different I am feeling inside because of how much I have been learning. There was nothing "wrong" with the church we were attending before, but we were getting ZERO out of being there. It just wasn't right anymore. After trying to make it work for about a year we were both just getting farther away from God, His will, joy, and so much more. I was so on fire just less than a year ago, but I was so starved that all I could do was try to make it through each day.
I don't want to talk about the names of the churches, because I'm not trying to promote anything. I'm just saying that if you are tired, bored, complacent, etc in your spiritual growth; maybe it's because you need more. Man can not live on milk alone.
As a result of all this, I have noticed that I have been a much more purposeful mother. I have been more cheerful and content. I have been able to keep my house clean (yes ladies there is a connection there).
While Bryan is gone this week, my goal is to stay focused, keep learning, keep up the clean house, and spend some time in quiet (he was home for a record 6 weeks strait and I was going crazy). And get lots of exercise (which I will be needing lots of prayer for)
This is gonna be a revival.

Back in Business

2010-04-05T11:51:00.000-05:00

We had a nice long spring break from bookwork and most homeschool stuff. We relaxed, spent time enjoying each other's company, and also attending some meetings with the school to plan for next year.
Now break is over, and it's time to pull up our bootstraps. I'm guessing we will have about 11 weeks of school left before we're ready to go into summer mode, but it really depends on the pace we keep. Aiden has one more phonics book, which he just started today, that he needs to finish. Also I want to reach our goal of over 50 sight words (we use flash cards) so that he will well exceed the Kindergarten expectations. Once we have done those things we will still work on reading and phonics through the summer, because if he should return to public school at all he would be well ahead of the expectations. He struggled to keep up in the reading/writing areas in the past, so being on par would be a great step in the right direction.
Spring has really arrived at our house, rain and all. We worked on our back yard all week. We're almost done with our little patio makeover. My parents recently sold their house and have downsized between their two condos. We are inheriting a FABULOUS natural gas grill, patio furniture, lots of potted plants, landscaping tools, and more. We are so excited to have the outdoor living space we always fantasized about. I am soooo stoked to start my summer cooking and grilling, and have a very pleasant place to entertain friends on summer evenings. Thank you so much mom and dad.
On a similarly related note, we will be having a garage sale including my parents extra furniture, some of our extra stuff, and things from our neighbors in our culdesac. If you are into garage saling come check us out. It will be next weekend, Friday and Saturday. Or if you have things to sell just let me know, we are happy to include anyone.
As a product of helping my parents out with this garage sale we will be inheriting their washer and dryer set and getting rid of ours, so if that is something you need let me know.
Again, on a somewhat related note, we are also getting a big garage fridge/refrigerator from my parents. I am sooooo excited because it has completely changed the way I grocery shop. I have been able to stock up on things I didn't have room for before. All those tips I have gotten from my awesome bargain shopping friends are finally paying off!! Thank you thank you Missy http://www.areyouthere-god.com/ and Jen www.thriftynorthwestmom.com and so many other ladies who post your awesome shopping adventures. So if you are wondering what I've been doing? No, I'm not a pro yet, and I'm not particularly organized with my coupons, BUT I have been using fliers to plan my shopping ahead of time. I go to at least three different stores and get what I would usually get, but only where it's on sale. Our meals have gotten so much better! I have been getting some great deals on meat and am ready for the grill. It's been fun. Three cheers for bogos!!!
Ok, so thats about all the info I plan to overload you all with today. As the weather improves I hope for some playdates, some gardening, and a grand finale to this backyard project. Happy Monday :)

2010-03-30T09:51:00.000-05:00

First off, I had several comments here and otherwise from ladies asking for more info on the bible study I'm starting. I've only done the first section, so if it stinks I wouldn't know yet, but here's the info:

"Homemaking", Nurturing your family in todays world.
by Tjitske Lemstra and Baukje Doornenbal (Tjitske is from Holland and Baukje is from the Netherlands)
Navpress is the publisher, www.navpress.com

I ordered it, probably from the publisher along with several other studies, a few years ago. I just keep things like that on hand for the times I haven't been participating in the one at church.

An overview of the study would be that it is about encouraging women to A) Recognize why her role in the home IS IMPORTANT, and that it is important to God
B)To help women reconnect with their inner selves, and personality, after the feeling of be "lost" in her role as homemaker. If anyone chooses to to it to we could always have a get together when we are done to share what we learned, etc. Otherwise, I hope this is helpful info.

So, as for today, Tuesday March 30, I didn't want to get out of bed. Something today has me so bound up and anxious. I have a meeting with a healthcare advocate who may be able to get us the healthcare we need, especially for Aiden, but obviuosly for us as a family. All the changes in the system are so confusing to me right now. I realize that on the whole, the Christian community is very upset with the bill that was passed, and that it requires all to have healthcare, therefore taking away our right to choose.
BUT (and please don't be angry, I'm just being honest) after all the medical issues we have had to deal with this past year, and running out of money to give our children the care that they need, I maybe a little hopeful. I'm hoping that the changes will make it possible for families like ours, who aren't poor enough for medicaid, but not rich enough for the $400 per month healthcare offered through Bryan's work, to recieve healthcare we can afford. We shouldn't have to choose between putting food on the table and being able to go to the doctor. The amount of money the hospital was allowed to charge us ON TOP of what our insurance was paying was cripling us, and could have cost us our place to live. For years Bryan and I have marveled at how the health care in other countries is FREE to tax paying citizens! I don't think this damages their constitutional rights. In fact as a member of this coutry its something that I always though should kinda be "included". I realize that the people who have more will have to pay more, and that they worked really hard to get to where they are, and that it's not "fair" that they should have to pay for some family of a guy who didn't go to college or whatever. But look here, when there are people, children, babies, and grandparents who are suffering and you never even tried to help, even though you worked really hard for the money you have, God is still gonna ask you "why?" when you get to heaven, and you won't be able to hide behind that cash when you get there. It's a sad day when the goevernment has to force it's people to share something like healthcare. It's not a want, it's a need.
Ok, I know that may be all ignorance, assumption, and left-wingedism (which I am not). But in the light of this meeting I am having today, I can't help turning it over in my mind over and over. I am always against more "laws", we don't need them and they take away from the rights of the majority, etc etc. BUT isn't healthcare something that should have already been protected in our basic rights a long time ago? TAKE THE CONTROL AWAY FROM THE INSURANCE COMPANIES AND THE PHARMESUTICAL COMPANIES. Does our advancment in technology go down, maybe, but we'll all die someday no matter what. Do I think that too much technology takes away from our true quality of life, yes I do. The system is defective and must be changed, and it's going to hurt. But the power was already in the wrong hands. So, my solution is to pray that over the years and years it will take for real change to happen in this arena, that the change will be to benefit even "the least of us". Jesus would have wnated that drug addict to have healthcare.

The Skinny on being Fat

2010-03-27T14:02:00.000-05:00

Hello there, blogger friends. Over the past couple years that I have had this blog I have been trying to define in my mind what this blog is about. When it all gets laid out on the table, I'd say it's pretty eclectic. I have my blog that is strictly for "writing", bu this one is always just about whatever is going on in my life at the time. I also go through phases where I don't want to write at all. Or times when I continually revisit the same issues over, and over, and over (sorry).
So today I'm in to mood to revisit one of those old issues, along with any new epiphanies I have had on the subject.
As a female, I have had weight and health issues for as long as I can remember. In high school I didn't work out, I just accepted myself the way I was even though I wasn't perfect. Since then there has been college, marriage, babies, and all kinds of other issues. Most of you probably realize that I'm mentioning all these things because they often affect a person's physical well being. I have gained weight, and I have lost it. I have been happy, and I have been depressed.
This time last year I was on the fast track to great health. By summer I was in the best shape I had been in for years. I actually went out and bought a bathing suit. Then came: medications, vacations, holidays, birthdays; and the weight returned. Somehow the exercise and healthy eating that had made me feel so fantastic and energetic fell by the wayside. I could have gotten back on the band wagon pretty easily until we decided to home school. Once all the kids were home with me all day, I started getting depressed (another battle I have been fighting off and on for years). I just lost myself so easily. "I" became teacher, snot rag, kitchen slave. How I looked and felt DIDN'T MATTER to anyone else, so of course it stopped mattering to me. Once I realized what had happened, it was too late.

"Where am I? I don't want to fell this way! How can I get back what I was just a few short months ago?"

I stared to slip into that sad place of self loathing and indifference. I kept thinking, "If I don't like how I look right now, then why don't I feel really inspired to change?" And weeks went by, and my frustration grew. I couldn't get motivated, I wanted too so badly. I wanted to find the determination and motivation that came so easily just less than a year ago.But every time I couldn't find it in myself to change I got more and more sad, which equaled more and more food. "Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate, ACK!"
Then it dawned on me just a few days ago, I couldn't get motivated because I didn't like myself. I couldn't see the potential in myself. Why would I make sacrifices when it all seemed so futile?
So I did what any over thinking, analytical, introvert would do; I went to the library website to order about 10 books on health, fitness, diabetes, sugar, etc, with some cookbooks and work out DVDs thrown in for fun. (Remember, I would live at the library if I could)
So, for part II of the realization that didn't occur until after an very extended trip to the library: The Body Spirit Connection. I haven't been doing my bible study in almost 2 months!! I have dried up. I had been trying to figure out, aside from the things going on in my home, why I had been so down on myself. In fact, I was wondering why I was thinking about myself so much in the first place! That's actually kind of unlike me, I mean to be so self-obsessed and down right vain! When I was in good health I didn't really spend much time gazing in the mirror, or pondering how to make myself "happier". I exercised AND spent time with God everyday. I didn't need to second guess myself, and whether I was "good enough" for other people. I had such clarity in all areas of my life. So, this is the part where I go on a hunt for a devotional. I think I have decided to do one that I happened to already have on hand that is written to encourage "Homemakers". It just sounded wholesome, nutritious, and appealing; like comfort food!
So this is where I am today. One step at a time. I have given the fridge and pantry a little make-over, and I am ready to start fresh. This week is spring break, so I can be sure to have plenty of time for the things I NEED to do for me, with out worrying about home school and schedules. I think it will also help me to get out and about to do some quality things with the kids instead of hiding in my house.

Here is my list of goals for this week. I hope you are inspired to make some positive goals for yourself too.:
1) Spend time reading the bible, praying, or doing a devotional every day
2) Try some new recipes that are blood sugar conscious and healthy, but creative and tasty
3)Treat myself like I am worth it. Spend time doing thins like painting my nails, keeping those legs shaved, etc.
4)getting some exercise. I already know what works for me so I don't need to spend time hunting around. I hope to work out 3 days this week and do something "active like taking a walk outside on the other days.
5) Because I know what my triggers are and how to loose weight for my body type I tend to loose quickly when I follow the rules. 5lbs is a pretty realistic goal for me between today (Saturday) and Friday.

I want to get in shape because I'm so tired of being a "Debbie Downer". I want to be cheerful, and laugh , and enjoy my life, because I have so much to be thankful for. Spending time feeling sad for myself and allowing myself to wallow in cookies and sadness is a waste.

And thank you to Jillian Michaels, Jenny McCarthy, and C.S. Lewis for being the voice of wisdom and inspiration as you always are to me ;)

2010-03-24T15:28:00.000-05:00

Here it comes. Tomorrow is our first IEP meeting with the school since taking Aiden out, back in January. They have stopped pressuring me to bring him back immidiately once they did some testing and saw how much he had improved at home. I think they look at me and think "young, impetuous, pierced up mom. probly ignorant too." So I have actually made some efforts to dispell those negative assumptions. We're getting there.
So here is the part where I'm really torn. To keep Aiden home full time or put him back as a kindergardener. He tested well above all the kindergarden expectations, which sets him up for accademic success next year as a first grader. He is also closer to the maturity level of kindergarden. It would be good practice and help him get "into the swing" of things again. BUT there is a part of me that will never entirely trust the schools with the education of any of my children. I will always want it to be to my specs, or not at all. Aiden would benefit from the professional help, and social time of being in school at least part-time. BUT he is doing pretty well for now with the learning style he gets at home. I also appreciate that he isn't being exposed to outside influences and bullying. BUT there is a chance that being one of the older and mare advanced kids in the class would minimalize some of this.
I could go on. The debate in my mind is seemingly endless. No perfect solution. And the truth, when I'm being open and honest, it that I can't go on with full time homeschool forever. I have drained all of my personal time and energy to benefit ONE of my three children. There are days when I think about the quality of "preschool" education the babies are getting and I feel so frustrated. They deserve the same advantages Aiden had when he was little. They still REALLY need me.
So there it is. Where love and compassion meet the limits of energy and the physical body.

2010-03-21T15:10:00.000-05:00

Happy 5th Birthday ~Nolan Michael~

I love him more

2010-03-10T15:00:00.000-06:00

I was having a good day today. I was having a good day until a few minutes ago, when an "aidenesque" autistic meltdown began. The crying, strange body movements, and strange rationale. All of this over "paper". As soon as I put the lined paper, even though it was the textured kind that is better for sensory issues and hand control, he glazed over. It was some kind of overload for him that my mind can't understand. At first I was trying to sympathize, but he just wasn't meeting me halfway. Was it because he knew his school work was almost done for the day and he lost ability for self control? Was it the amount of lines on the paper or the daunting task of putting words on all the lines? WHAT THE HECK?!!! Tears people. His pet frog didn't die. No one said anything mean to him. He didn't fall down and get hurt. Now he's just sitting there, all floppy, dark circles under his eyes, staring at nothing. Occasionally he writhes around in his chair, but always with a strange posture and mannerisms.
Did you know that he didn't used to be like "this"? He was soooo smart. So focused. When he was one and a half he could do simple math, draw shapes and identify colors and numbers one to ten. Then when he was about two and a half the tantrums came. Then he couldn't remember things. Everything he did before stopped and his warm cuddly disposition vanished, and along came mood swings and vacant expressions. Why? I'm not sure. Do I think he was autistic when he was born, yes.
So here I am. I'm exhausted. My other kids want my attention and my smiles.
Homeschool has been going well, however I still don't view it as a permanent situation. I have been talking with the school about renewing his IEP. I will be going in next week to work on that. We are going to slowly re-introduce him to the regular classroom setting. First by going back for his OT and other therapy. Then for music and P.E. Then sometime next year he will be back in his classroom.
All the way up until recently I didn't think I would want to put him back in anytime soon. Then I started noticing the way this was affecting the babies. Then I really took inventory of my life. I don't want to blame things on homeschool, because I still think it has been the right choice. BUT, since homeschool I have lost ALL my personal time and time to do things with the babies while they are still little, the same things Aiden already got to do on his own when he was at home and an only child.
I don't know what his future holds. I pray regularly that God would inspire him, and provide opportunities and resources for him. We can't afford to give him all the things we want to, but we can't do that for our other kids either. What we can give them is a stable home, contentment, and love.
Love. He's sitting down there in his worst state. When he gets this way it is repellent. But here I am up here worrying about him, loving him, loving the sweet little person he can be and always is inside somewhere. God made him very unique, and I appreciate the beauty in that. A rare art that comes deep from the dark places of the soul.
I grieve the loss of the child I thought I had, I learn to live with the son I do have, and I await what's going to happen next. Nothing is the way we think it is, we can't possibly anticipate God's plans, they're too big and complex.
Now I am sitting here upstairs. I eventually left him there, a steaming mess on the kitchen floor. He couldn't hear anything I was saying and his ability to process things outside his own mind was shot. So I left him there, he needed the space.
So as I am finishing this blog he walked into the room rather proudly with his paper in his hand. I could already tell he was returning to a more neutral state. He had managed about two sentences, a HUGE feet of strength for those two sentences. I think it proves there was a battle between his body, brain, and spirit. Spirit seems to have won today.

2010-03-02T08:36:00.000-06:00

I have been opening up blogger and trying to put something into this space for a week. I just can't! My mind is blank. Nothing. I'm pretty sure it is some kind of coping mechanism. For the first time in years my life is not in an upheaval. Everything is fairly peaceful and quiet (not literally, I mean things are going well). So instead of getting really depressive, trapped in my own thoughts, or crazy and rebellious, I just can't get in touch with the feelings department.
It really stinks, because that sad and mournful side of me is also passionate, motivated, and creative. This used to be the best time of year (around Nolan's birthday) to get things done. Now... nothing. I suppose it's healthy to be in a nice "normal" place, but I don't like it. I miss the way I used to see things, and how everything around me changes.
The weather has been nice, and that makes me cheerful ("blech!"), and we keep taking all these lovely family getaways. I feel just peachy, darnit.
So, my writing has stalled, I can't get into a book, I can't seem to loose the winter weight, and I'm just blah! Blah blah blah!

Warning: Big Sarcasm

2010-02-23T15:07:00.000-06:00

I keep waiting for muffin-tops and white cankles to be trendy, but I don't think it's going to happen. I am really concerned, however, that God can't use me right now, because I am over my ideal BMI. The burden of 20 extra pounds has really been strengthening me as a person.
Any girl would rather be pretty than creative, wise, intellegent, motivated, or happy.

"Here's to well rounded, balanced living, and being happy how you are at this very minute."

What kind of pretty are you?

old dirty dish rag

2010-02-16T08:54:00.000-06:00

Every spring, when it's time to do that annual spring cleaning, I have another annual chore that I perform. There comes a day every spring, when I walk into my local Target and see all the cutesy teeny tiny bathing suits. Instantly, I am thrown into a panic. I begin to take inventory of my physical state and realize that I am sadly unkempt and neglected from over the winter months. When was the last time those toenails saw a fresh coat of paint? or those legs a ray of natural light? Geese lady, are you trying to look like Tom Selleck?
And the scale, oh dreaded platform of my self loathing and shame. Step up lightly, and tell myself the worst case scenario, so that if it's anything less I walk away pleased.
Most of my friends probably noticed that somewhere around Christmas I suddenly silenced on the topic of weight loss. I will confess that I have, like most humans, been having health problems. NOTHING SERIOUS. Just the type of thing that can cause some set backs. In fact, lately I've been feeling well, and the lack of exercise is just from being out of habit. I also had a period of time when I was so stressed out I couldn't function. Again, exercise would certainly help that too.
So time to get back on the ol' proverbial bandwagon.
I'm not a very "materialistic" person. I don't daydream about shoes or purses. I am way past any notion that an article of clothing could possibly make me "happy". Still, there is something to be said for having clothes that fit. After loosing a huge amount of weight last summer and now having gained a portion of it back, I am neither here nor there. I own jeans from sizes 6-16. That alone can seriously pray on a woman's nerves. I loath getting dressed to leave the house, and the thought of warm weather and getting out my shorts... I can't even tell you... I don't know what to say. I want the warm sunny weather, with sunglasses, and sweet tea, and barbecue. But SHORTS!
So anyway, there has been some neglect over long cozy winter months with boots and big sweaters.
Today, I'm going to drink my coffee and when my morning caffeine buzz hits: exercise, shower, SHAVE, tweeze, self tanner, and some toe nail polish along with that big foot file.
AND, later this week I will hit the grocery store for some healthy food and fresh cooking ideas.
To top it all off, a Martin family first. Bryan is trying to get in shape too (we're feeling closer and closer to 30). How nice for once that my best buddy can also be my fitness buddy. Well, not that he's planning to Shred with me.

"Thank you Lord for this lovely peaceful morning. Thank you for the birds I hear outside. Please help me to be in a positive mood this week, even when things don't seem very positive. I beg you for extra energy for my physical body. I am pulled and worked in so many directions and sometimes I feel like I'm falling apart. Help me to be a great mother and wife today. Take the glory Lord, it's all for you. Amen, hallelujah, have a great day!"

2010-02-09T12:34:00.000-06:00

I really enjoy change, especially in a controlled environment (when I'm choosing it). I really like changing my hair color and style, at least once a year. I didn't really get to do that for a while because I avoided hair chemical's while I was pregnant. So when I decided to go blond back in October I was really ready and excited. It took several months to get it as light as I wanted it. It's fun to be blond once in a while.
Anyway, so the whole blond thing started by recommendation from my husband. I enjoy his input when it comes to things like hair and clothes, he's my target audience after all. But when I finally turned up blond, he seemed rather indifferent. Not bad, he's definitely reacted much worse to other hair changes, but his reaction was definitely lacking.
So here it is only a few months later, I'm enjoying the blond, but when I was talking to him about scheduling my next hair appointment he says "yeah, you should go dark."
For real buddy? I like my hair either way, but what guy tries to get rid of a blond? So now I'm trying to decide what to do. Leave the blond a few more months? Or shake it up and do something different?
Either way, it's February and I still have about 10lbs that need to go away before summer.

new blog

2010-02-06T12:57:00.000-06:00

I have a new blog. This is probably the only time I will mention it here. I don't really plan to "pormote" my new blog the same ways as I have this one in the past. Although I would like some info from anyone who knows how to gain more followers from a specific community such as by the topic of the blog.
yeah, there ya have it.
http://godchuckle.blogspot.com/

thankful...Friday?

2010-02-05T11:14:00.000-06:00

I should have stopped to do a "Thursday Thanks" blog yesterday, I was just really busy and lost in all the projects I'm working on. SO I'm going to do thanks today instead. So here's my list and a little prayer for the weekend:

1. I am soooo-uh-oh grateful to my parents for my new computer. I have to add here that it was partly in support of my return to school coming up, but also an early birthday gift celebrating Nolan's 5th birthday-anniversary. More on that another time.

2. I am grateful for taxes. I can't say that every year, but I'll just leave it at that.

3. I'm grateful for my home. I have really enjoyed practicing a new "home-centered" way of living. That includes home school life.

4. I'm thankful for motivation and energy. Sometimes I don't have any, right now I have enough to spare. And I have been productive too!

5. Change. Not everyone enjoys change, but I know I do. Not without some difficulty, of course. Life should be treated like an adventure, a great commission. I don't know what God has planned for me next, but I know whatever it is I can glorify Him through it. Therefore no experience, good or bad, ever has to be a waste.

"Dear Lord, thank you for reminding me this week about the temporary existence we have here in this realm. Thank you for the energy and good health you have given me so that I may seize each opportunity to do something of value. This week was really planned out by you, and I'm thankful for the opportunity to trust you. Amen."

Back in Black (favorite color :)

2010-02-04T08:50:00.000-06:00

I never thought I would say this, but I sure am in the mood for summer. I have a mad craving for barbecue and a penchant for potato salad. I wouldn't even mind a little more sunlight (just no weather above 60).
Yep, it's a sure sign that I'm either divinely motivated or loosing my mind.

So...I have a computer. I'm so so so so soooo excited. I really needed one for school, but I have writers sickness and couldn't stand to be alone with myself any longer. Now I can clear my mind once in a while. Yes, I do know how to use a pen and paper, but I don't want to explain the difference.
So, now that I have had all this time free of internet and all of it's time sucking traps, I'm having a hard time wanting to return to cyberworld. I love the blog community and have no qualms with returning here, it's all those "other places" that I'm not so sure about.
So I will have to give the others some consideration. I do highly recommend a break from reality to anyone who is considering it. Believe it or not you do not NEED a cell phone, computer, car, or instant macaroni and cheese. I made home made biscuits the other day, HOME MADE. yeah, you try that sometime

Side note: when editing, why does spell check always tell me "internet" should be capitalized? it's not a real place, or person. ?? (I'm rolling my eyes here)

reformation

2010-01-31T15:36:00.000-06:00

Being changed hurts.
I am most surely leaving a season in my life behind. With great excitement and fire, and also with much reluctance and questioning. Why is it that all the things God asked me to do 6 months ago, are now the things he is asking me to set aside? That is so frustrating.
But I do fully trust that he has an adventure planned for the next few years of my life, full of joy, heartache, truth, and revelations.

Have you ever been so sure or on fire to do something, but yet felt SO short when it comes to accomplishing any part of the test? I know that in this way we who answer yes are in good company. Moses truly comes to mind when I think of not only being faced with a difficult charge, but also the manner of response. I keep telling God how utterly confused I am about the things He has asked me to do. haha. But alas, El Elyon (wink), certainly in a very royal way just replies "stop wandering and just do this". I feel that the one with certain, complete, and divine right over my future is not someone I can say "no" to.
But as many of you know, my hands are commanded by my head, which is attached to my mouth, and therefore I am the sort of person who is almost incapable of doing without saying. Sometimes complaining, sometimes praising.

"Lord, please bless my friends. Please open doors. Thank you for thinking well enough of me to ask me to do anything that may give you glory, and for continuing to provide the means to go forward. Bless my family, and all the ways each of us is growing and changing. Please continue to bring the needy closer to you. Take pity on those who feel they are running out of hope. Grant me strength and resourcefulness. Amen."

No- I am not back online. You still have to call me the old fashioned way.
yes- homeschooling is going well, I think
yes- i still have a cold which I believe has progressed to "infection"
Miss and love you guys!

Why you won't see me for a while

2010-01-07T16:52:00.000-06:00

My computer is broken. We somehow got a terrible virus and decided to scrap it. So if you need to get a hold of my you'll have to call or text.

This situation seems to be a direct answer to prayer. This past week I have been having some health problems involing fatigue and other symptoms. I also found out, finally, that we will be eligable to transfer full benefits from Bryan's GI bill into my name. Which means I have re applied to Pierce and shold be starting school in March. ALSO, after a draining week back to school and all the emotional issues Aiden has been having... we submitted our waiver to homeschool and have taken him out of public school... for now.

During my quiet time the other morning I was begging God to help me refocus so that I could be more productive, start dealing with my health issues, and help Aiden with his needs. Then my computer broke. Message recieved.

should not be wearing that

2010-01-04T00:34:00.000-06:00

Usually, when it comes to getting in shape I like to just throw myself in full force. Everything all at one.

This week I am planning something a little different.
So it's true for me as it is for many those holiday pounds are oozing out around the top of my jeans. Nothing fits right and the the weight is likely the reason for several other "ailments" right now. Something must be done.

Bryan has taken the next week off and we are planning a little mini vacation next weekend for our 8th anniversary. So, I have been worried about the idea or "dieting" this week, or setting the standard too high considering this won't be a normal week.
So I deiced for once I will take the proverbial "baby steps".
This week I plan, and Bryan has been informed, to do my workout (Shred), Monday through Friday. I will make healthy meals but I refuse to guilt myself. When Bryan is home it is SO much harder to say no to the snacks. So, for now I will get my tushie into gear and devise a more long term approach for everything else.

To go along with this subject I have been thinking about a few other things. You know how sometimes in life one thing effects another? For example: I do my bible study, and then I feel like working out, and in turn I want to spend more time doing one on one things with the kids with out everyone yelling and ending up in their rooms. This is kind of my second goal for the week. It's sort of hard to articulate what I mean, except to say that I am working on getting "re-centered", if you will. Part of making a plan and facing a long term challenge is the way it changes the way you see all the other things around you. I just got a new day planner for the year and every time I have to write something in I try to figure out if it is helping or hurting my over all plan. For now, the things that are not helping are being dealt with temporarily, but are being put on a "discard" list. Weeding out the excess. Bringing the focus back where it should be and moving forward.

So, anyway, that was more rambling than I indented. To all my friends who are interested in this buddy system, I recommend you check out Missy's new blog, http://gethealthy4god.blogspot.com/ . I'm working on setting up a "kick off" party VERY soon. I have some really fun ideas about that. More info coming very very soon (like probably tomorrow).

2009-12-31T11:57:00.000-06:00

2010:

1) So this is (for me) a pretty major announcement. Next fall, Bryan and I have decided that Aiden is going to start homeschooling. I am excited, scared, overwhelmed, and so many other feelings. Our world and schedule is going to change. Hopefully for the better. We have never been a particularly "home school minded" family, but we have always said we would do whatever we felt was best for each child. In Aiden's case public school is generally the opposite of what he needs in every way. I personally enjoyed my public school experience and still feel that it will be a good fit for Jack in a couple years. Aiden learns differently and we are going to give him what he needs. He has also fallen SO far behind. We will actually be starting over with Kindergarten curriculum first semester (he would be in second grade in the fall).
This is going to be a new challenge and after having him home for break, which I thought was going to be a huge struggle, I find that God has really motivated my heart to do this.

2)I want to go back to school. I can't even tell you how much I want to finish school. However it gives me the same fear and anxiety I feel about Aiden's school next year. But I think it's time. I'm going to be making a trip to Pierce soon to find out about my transcripts and see if they offer what I need. I also need prayer in this area because I'm not sure exactly what I want to study or how far I should take it. I know that I want to take more English classes, which leads to my next 2010 goal....

3) I want to start writing so badly, but I feel unequipped, and exhausted by my noise house. I know God is going to provide a solution (which for now the answer was "go back to school") I also need to start saving up to buy myself a cheap little laptop, so when I actually start school I will be able to handle the work load along with life at home.

4)This one is painful... I'm still having a hard time talking about it. But after much prayer and advice from Bryan, I have to drop one of my MOPS groups next year. It's just too much, and along with school(s) something has to give. I am going to continue ministry in the evening MOPS, we are making great strides and I think it will best work with my family schedule. It's just tough because I LOVE my morning group, and have become so attached to the women there. ((sigh)) ok, don't really want to talk about that anymore.

5)This one is hard to pinpoint, and it probably has something to do with the beginning of a new year, but God is stirring my heart right now. Things have been quiet, almost stagnant for a while. I haven't been motivated and my focus has often been selfish. Although I think if may have been necessary to have a few blah months before getting amped up for something new. Something exciting is on the horizon.
"Runners keep on running..."

Welcome 2010, and it looks like I'll have a whole new lot of things to blog about. Yay! Happy New Year!

AND, I almost forgot. Here is a challange for some of you who enjoy quiet time and prayer everyday, or for someone who is looking to "spice up" your prayer life. For over a year now I have been covering my head when I pray and study

1Corinthians 3-10
3Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. 4Every man who prays or prophesies with his head covered dishonors his head. 5And every woman who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head—it is just as though her head were shaved. 6If a woman does not cover her head, she should have her hair cut off; and if it is a disgrace for a woman to have her hair cut or shaved off, she should cover her head. 7A man ought not to cover his head,[b] since he is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man. 8For man did not come from woman, but woman from man; 9neither was man created for woman, but woman for man. 10For this reason, and because of the angels, the woman ought to have a sign of authority on her head.

Interresting, hmm? So anyway, try it and see what you think. What I can say is that it has changed my prayer life. And my kids got used to seeing me with a pashmina over my head really quickly :)

Birthday Buddy

2009-12-30T09:31:00.001-06:00

Happy birthday Lucy Clover, and happy birthday me.

2009-12-29T09:13:00.000-06:00

Mandi's Decade of Favorite Things

1) Starbucks

2) Having babies

3) Being blonde

4) Arrested Development

5) Laura Mercier tinted moisturizer

6) The Sounds

7) black

8) emo kids bagging my groceries

9) texting

10) getting married (Jan. 5 2002)

11) homemade/boutique baby items

12) my iPod

13) Deadwood

14) Harry Potter

15) MOPS

16) Hawaii (twice, 2001 and 2009)

17) reading (something I didn't do from 2000-2004, but remembered how awesome it is in 2005)

18) Chevy's

19) Twilight

20) reconnecting with old friends

21) The Legend of Zelda, Windwaker

22) red wine

23) Besty Johnson

24) the library

25) The Tutors

26) C.S.Lewis

27) having an espresso maker at home

28) Main St, Sumner

29) Jenny Macarthy

30) Fuego

31) "30 Rock"

32) Christmas shopping trips to downtown with my mom

33) my silly children

34) No Doubt concerts

35) salted carmel

36) washer and dryer

37) black nail polish (in a Chanel kind of way and not a goth kind of way)

38) living near family

39) wine pairings

40) whole milk (0 carbs)

Happy birthday, my baby boy

2009-12-28T08:54:00.000-06:00

Three years ago today, my 3rd son Jackson Cash, was born.
There was a time I didn't think I was doing to have more children, and that the loss of Nolan Michael would leave my arms empty and longing for another baby and a brother for my little Aiden.
God had other plans... he had Jack.
He is so sweet and charming. He is indeed the peacemaker and the quiet one, but he is also brave and so funny. He often reminds me of myself, and as every mother knows, that is so precious. He likes everything and everyone, but he doesn't do things for attention and is often the one to sneak off and go to bed during a party or playdate. He also has model good looks (says his mother).
Happy birthday Jack-Jack.

sugar-coma

2009-12-26T13:04:00.000-06:00

I am laying here in bed, about to slip into a coma from all the sugar and Christmas carbs I have eaten the past few days, and I am thinking about how nice it will feel to work out tonight (after I wake up from my coma). So, to all my shredding and skinny jeans friends...
Please be thinking about some new year goals you would like to make for your self. This is a great time to make a clean break from all those bad eating habits. Go ahead and enjoy the rest of your holiday, obviously I am.

Ugh, I ate thirds of the cheesy potatoes, and now I'm regretting so many things.

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-22T16:17:00.000-06:00

Merry Merry Merry Christmas!

How are you planning to spend your Christmas? Are you stressed out? Over scheduled? Or maybe lonely and wondering why everyone else in the world is so happy.

What is "Christmas"?

"The word Christmas originated as a compound meaning "Christ's Mass". It is derived from the Middle English Christemasse and Old English Cristes mæsse, a phrase first recorded in 1038.[6] "Cristes" is from Greek Christos and "mæsse" is from Latin missa (the holy mass). In Greek, the letter Χ (chi), is the first letter of Christ, and it, or the similar Roman letter X, has been used as an abbreviation for Christ since the mid-16th century.[13] Hence, Xmas is often used as an abbreviation for Christmas." -Wikipedia (please see here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christmas for more)

It has taken several years of Christmases to finally stop spending our family into a hole every year. Gifts gifts gifts. My dream Christmas is one where ALL the gifts, even for the kids, are home made. Gifts that are sewn, woven, carved, grown, baked, and full of love. Christmas reminds me every year how all our modern technology has sucked and drained the simplicity and contentment out of living. Children often require lights, sounds, batteries, and lots of big huge boxes to be satisfied; it's what their peers get and what the media is telling them they should have!
Wouldn't it be so fun to fill a stocking with oranges, peppermint sticks, and paper dolls knowing that your little one is going to be thrilled at the loot!
I know, I know, Christmas is not about the gifts or the getting, but don't these things have something in common with the true meaning of Christmas. I think so. I think what we could be teaching our children, is that because of the baby in the manger we have EVERYTHING we could possibly want! We have purpose, everlasting life, and a God-Father who loves us. Contentment! When you feel full and content in God's love, everything else is a just a nice little treat. No more trying to fill the empty void inside with things, false promises, and "human love". Families will be broken, money will be short, and life will be hard...
but a fresh orange and a kiss from mommy and daddy on the day the savior was born, what a real treat!

2009-12-20T23:59:00.000-06:00

Martin Family Christmas letter:

Dear family and friends,
It has been another wonderful and blessed year in the Martin home. We are enjoying our new home, we moved in back in January, and we'd like to update everyone on what our family has been up to this past year.
Aiden, our big first grader has finally found his passion, acting. He has decided he will be attending acting school school next fall. As we always suspected his favorite genre where he plans to focus his studies is in musical theater.
Jack is going to be three after Christmas and is getting bigger and smarter every day. He no longer takes the beatings from his older brother, and usually dishes out his fair share. He recently got a new toy at McDonalds that has become his current favorite. It is a dragon he named "Buttrash".
Lulu still doesn't do anything impressive, although she has currently taken to ingesting her ponytail holders.
Bryan and I were blessed to go on a romantic vacation to Hawaii this past September. We had a fabulous time. We are hoping to make another trip in August, but this time we will plan ahead, and be sure never to come back.
So that just about sums up the 2009 highlights from the Martin family.

Merry Christmas to you and yours, and a happy New Year as well!

Christmas/Birthday gifts

2009-12-20T03:01:00.000-06:00

It is exactly 1:00 am, Sunday "morning". These are not the hours I usually keep, but I was awake and snuck downstairs so not to wake my poor hubby. There are several reasons why I'm having trouble sleeping and one of them is after my guys week long trip, the snoring has returned.
Moving on.
So, I'm sure this falls somewhere in the lines of "bragging", which isn't my intention. I'm just really excited because Bryan and I haven't exchanged Christmas gifts in years, it's all about the kids now. But , this year he went to far above and beyond for me (so really I'm bragging about how much I love my guy). He's also really impatient and none of it could wait for Christmas.
First, he bought me a shiny new Ipod Nano (actually we used our credit card points to order each other each a gift, he got Bose earphones). I just love it, I'm constantly using it, and I didn't think I wanted one!
Then, after hearing me complain about how long it takes to make pancakes for our family of 5, he ordered me a HUGE and fabulous new griddle. I'm so excited to use it this week. May sound like a silly thing, but really it will make it possible to make pancakes for everyone in 5-10 minutes instead of 20-30.
Then, when he got home from the Big Apple today he surprised me yet again. He handed me a big pink bag that said "Betsy Johnson" on it and several other packages and said "Merry Christmas". I won't tell you about everything in the bag but he did get me a necklace and earring set I absolutely LOVE, I just LOVE Betsy. There were also several things from the NBC store as well, such as a "Shrute Farms" ornament.
I just feel so loved.

Friendship

2009-12-17T20:05:00.000-06:00

It has been a while since I posted a really honest, upfront, no nonsense blog. I have had something on my mind, probably because Bryan is out of town. Some of you may relate to this and some may be fortunate enough not to relate at all.(and mom, I'm not depressed or sad I'm just being open)
It has literally been years since I have had a friend (female, not my husband) who I felt I could call anytime, for no reason, or when I need to vent. I don't have a "bestie".
I know some women who are so blessed with a group of women they can depend on. That just hasn't happened to me. I'm sure there is also something about me that makes me a little unapproachable to some people. Not sure. And I don't have the time and energy to cultivate some of my existing relationships, I want them to just develop naturally.
A few years ago I was meeting with a mentor of mine and we were talking about stress, marriage, life etc. She began encouraging me to pray for some relationships. Maybe not bosom buddies, but something stronger than acquaintances. Still praying.
There are times I am so wrapped up in my own mind and my own family that I don't even notice the lack of friendships.
LATELY, I have been having issues with my commitments and how I am spending my time and energy. I have given a lot of myself all over the place, and have tried to be a real servant to those around me. After I completely wore myself out (and had a week of alone time) I realized that my frustration was really how my efforts weren't producing one of the things I had been unknowingly seeking. Not bringing me any closer to anyone around me. Why?

So here's a little disclaimer to this (don't leave me notes about this part):
I know that I am an extremely "complicated" person. I use words that are too big ("Don't use words too big for the subject. Don't say "infinitely" when you mean "very"; otherwise you'll have no word left when you want to talk about something really infinite. -C.S.Lewis) And I'm probably a know it all... yeah definatly. So the point is I'm not blaming this whole issue on God, or people, or circumstances, yes some of it is me.
Anyway, so what is it about women as they get older (and more territorial) that we struggle so much to develop healthy friendships with other women? It was so easy when I was young. I had "best friends" all over the place that fizzled and faded away. And now... ?
I have friends that I love, talk to weekly-ish, chat with, and so on; no life long friends. Does anyone even know me? Do I really know my friends?
And when we reach these complicated years of life, when we are raising precious children, trying to have successful marriages, and attempting to keep our identities, isn't this a time when having strong friendships would be so incredibly HELPFUL?
Anyway, yes, I said this was going to be honest. God is all we need, but he also created humans to want friendship and connectedness (is that a word?).

mid week sneak peak weigh in

2009-12-16T12:17:00.000-06:00

...just under 6 lbs.

Big Announcement...

2009-12-15T19:53:00.001-06:00

I have moved to Shred level 2.

And I'm weighing in tomorrow morning:)
Okay, this is me checking in with all my skinny jeans pals. I have been a perfect angel since Sunday (3 days). No carbs and doing those bicycle-crunches like a champ.
So this is a good opportunity for everyone to TAKE THE POLL on the right side of my blog (thank you Missy for pointing that out). Tomorrow will be kind of the "mid week sneak peak", if you will.

What have I been listening to on my flashy new iPod while I do those plank jacks? The tunes of the week: New Moon (the motion picture soundtrack) I'll try to upload a sample for everyone who hangs out with me on facebook tomorrow :)

Favorite almost no carb food of the day: Little smokies sausages dipped in Taco Bell Fire sauce. Haha, yeah I really did do that. But really, I had a nice salad with blue cheese and grape tomatoes for dinner, yummy.

Favorite motivation to get that work out done at night: I've re reading my favorite book series while Bryan has been gone (gee my taste has recently become frighteningly limited, and I used to think I was semi intelligent) and all I want to do it night is snuggle and read. But I gotta be honest with you gals... I am so much more comfortable when I have exercised. My legs aren't falling asleep and my sciatica isn't screaming. I don't know how else to explain it. Edward has gotten me through the walking push ups every night (actually I kinda like the walking push ups).

Motivationalpic of the day brought to you by Elizabeth Taylor... white diamonds baby

Ado!

Lump of Coal

2009-12-13T14:53:00.000-06:00

I know, I know. It's been waay too long since my last post. I had 4 Christmas parties last week, that's right, 4. And I was trying to spend some time with my poor hubby before he left for NY.
So now that I am here with out him this week I am in the best position possible to get back on the bandwagon.
I ate SO much last week, and only worked out 3 times. So sad. And that compiled with other things, I gained a good 3 lbs. Stink. Good thing it's cold out there so I can wear lots of hoodies.
So, this week I'm going to take full advantage of Bry being gone (I don't have to cook man food) and when I went to the grocery yesterday I bought lots of low/no carb stuff. This afternoon while the kids are napping I have been working on a yummy crust less quiche. Spinach, feta, cottage cheese, sausage, peppers and onion (and egg of course) and since the only other person around here who will even touch it is Lulu, I will have food for a couple days. I also have to give a shout out to the Fred Meyer brand "Carb Conrtol" yogurt. I have tried lots of low carb yogurts that have all been NASTY and full of artificial sweetener. This one, however, was cheap and tasty. Other things I have on hand:
-cottage cheese
-cheese sticks
-turkey bacon
-chicken breasts
-meatballs
-salsa
-ranch dressing
-salad
-lunch meats
-turkey dogs
-salmon (frozen uncooked)
-salmon (canned)
-tuna
-spinach
-broccoli
-cauliflower
-2%milk for lattes
-peanut butter
-lots of ground beef (with which you can make gourmet burgers, taco salad, and various meatballs)

No ones going hungry over here. (And wheat and starches are bad for you even if you aren't trying to loose weight)

So today marks day one. I thought it would be fun to see how many pounds I loose eating this way and shredding between now and when Bry comes home. Should we find out? Ok, and if it works then maybe some of you will want to join in.
Everyone make your guesses at the poll I created on the right side of my blog.

Yay, skinny jeans for me! (maybe even next month?)

** when you are trying to cut carbs check out the diabetic section at the grocery and pharmacy. and look for the sugar free version of condiments like pickle relish.

Thanks Dri :)

2009-12-09T11:16:00.000-06:00

Trying to decide whether or not to work out today. Wondering if this is worth it and if it could really work? Here is a video made by a friend of mine for Exercize Tv. That's right, this is a real person I know, not an actor making the story up. Check it out. If this doesn't get you going then I give up (not really):

Holiday tips on gift receiving

2009-12-08T14:51:00.000-06:00

1. When receiving a gift you feel is useless or of no value; refrain from confused expressions or speechlessness. Instead give your friend or loved one a hug so that they can't see your face, and a hug is worth a thousand words.

2. When receiving a gift from someone who is elderly or advanced in age; refrain from commenting on it's strange odor or likeness to what they got you last year. If it is a similar stuffed animal to the one they got you for your birthday say something thoughtful like "Oh, how nice, a friend for teddy-muffin. Thank you so much."

3. When unwrapping a gift you must be cautious not to tear the paper away with too much vigor, it puts too much pressure on the giver to meet your expectations. Unwrap slowly and careful while telling the generous gifter how much you are enjoying the paper and that you might like to save it for something later.

4. If the gift you are unwrapping was wrapped with more than one roll of scotch tape it is always appropriate to say "wow, you did a really secure job of wrapping this." This shows that you pay attention to all their hard work.

5. It is okay to wait until the gifter is not looking or cause a distraction that gives you time to shake the box and make sure that strange odor is not in fact coming from the box. If you find that the smell or scratching sounds are in fact coming from your gift, tell the giver that you have a rule about opening gifts before Christmas and you want to take the gift home and put it under your tree. Release the gift once you are outside and a safe distance (at least 20meters) away from any buildings or schools.

6. If an estranged family member drives across town to offer you a gift tell them you can't with out a lawyer present and calmly shut the door. The best place to seek shelter in this situation is in a bathtub with a mattress pulled over the top protecting you from heavy falling objects.

7. If a child picks out a gift "just for you", it's probably something good.

Merry Getmas

** Note to my Skinny jeans friends: I worked out today and used my new ipod Bryan got me for x-mas. SO mush better with my music, I still Shreded, just with out listening to Jillian. I think I worked harder too, my music gets me moving.
Try it out if you're looking for new stuff:
"Crossing the Rubicon" is the name of the album by The Sounds

...and good Monday to ya.

2009-12-07T12:01:00.000-06:00

*I forgot to my Skinny Jeans friends that I DON'T work out on Sundays. There are very few exceptions to that. It is really our family days and is often either really busy or we're trying to spend time doing family stuff. So I just don't.

But... today is not Sunday anymore! I am so sore!
(for daily work your butt off updates follow me on facebook)

Anyhoo-
Tonight is my morning MOPS Christmas party at my house. All my little green table gals are coming over and I am SO excited I get to hang out with them (kid free) for a whole evening! I'm doing lots of treat making this morning. Rice Crispy Treats dipped in chocolate, while chocolate covered strawberry shortcake bites, and maybe some cream cheese lemon bars. Yummy.

Tomorrow there's more MOPS Christmas fun for me! My evening MOPS is having their first Christmas party. If any of you have ever considered visiting my MOPS, seriously, this is the night to do it. I don't want to give anything away, but OH MY!! (lets just say there are going to be some killer give-aways)

This week is probably going to be the craziest week of my entire year. Good thing Aiden still has school next week so I can get my act together before Christmas break.

So all this fabulous excitement, fun and blessings has me in a big ball of juicy, amorous Christmas love. God is so good. This year he has blessed me with amazing friends, a ministry I love, and a new home to celebrate in with my friends and family. Life on earth couldn't get much better.

"Dear Lord, thank you so much for your all knowing ways. Thank you for all that you have taught me and allowed me to see about this life and what you are doing here on earth. Thank you for my family. Thank you for my friends. Please continue to give us strength and peace through the holiday, I know that it can become a time of strain and sadness for some, including myself. Thank you, thank you! Amen."

Motivational Dreams for Saturday Night

2009-12-05T19:46:00.000-06:00

So I'm going to start with a shout out to everyone who has responded to my offer to dream skinny jeans together...
Jessica (my returning work out buddy and sidekick)
Amy
Caitlin
Mel
Maybe Missy?
Maybe Hayley?

So here we are, it's Saturday night, what are you doing right now? Probably hanging with your fam, watching the boob-tube, doing some cooking...
Are you going to work out tonight?
I don't want to, should I do it? So if I do, and tomorrow a.m. (before church of course) I post how fabulous I feel because I did my 25 minutes tonight? How will you feel then?
I know that I can squeeze it in right after I get the kids in bed, hubby will still be finishing up in the garage or checking his email. Don't have your video yet? No worries, check your comcast on demand in the sports and fitness section. Exercise TV has lots to choose from and Shred is usually on there...

So here's what I'm going to do now: I'm going to go upstairs and put my favorite Adidas sports bra on, some comfy shorts and t. Then I'm going to put on my favorite pink Adidas shoes that have been waiting patiently for several weeks (since Hawaii to be precise). Then I'm going to start stretching and wait for the video to start. Between here and there I'm not going to question it anymore.
My saggy butt needs it.
My jelly-belly wants it.
And I'm gonna give it to em.

**BONUS: Do a good job and in a few weeks I will plan a treat for us (a healthy inspirational treat of course)

Bryan bought me a new ipod for Christmas, it should be arriving in the mail soon. Can't wait to make a playlist to share with all of you for sweaty-time!

COMING SOON: Friday December 11 I will be restocking my pantry. wanna know what I eat to get rid of my love handles quicker? I'll fill you in on all my juicy tips.

Dream Skinny Jeans

2009-12-04T20:10:00.000-06:00

The end of the Year is coming and I am officially looking for some new fitness buddies. Here's what I plan to do and you can to:

- "Shred" with Jiliian Micheals. You can get yours at Target for $10-14. With it you will need a very small set of hand weights and some comfy sneakers.

- Sign up on the website of your choice to find out your BMI to decide what your weight loss goal is going to be. For example I base mine on a weight that in in the middle of my healthy weight range that I know I can maintain. I know that I will never be healthy at 105lbs so I would never make that my goal. You can also find one with online progress trackers and other fun things.

-Work out (Shred) at least 5 days a week. Evenings after the kids are in bed is what gets me the best results. It also helps keep my hormones in check.

- I'm going to try to detox from sugar, starches, carbs, and gluten. Why do I do that over and over? Because it works, although if you slip up the craving will return. It also makes me feel SO much better and gives me more energy.

-Take your vitamins everyday.

-Find things that keep you busy during the day so you don't go circles around the house thinking about your diet.

-Keep a notebook around to vent in.

You're probably wondering, why now? it's almost Christmas? Well, I would rather start exercising now instead of gaining ten more pounds over the holiday that I have to loose in January. Don't worry, no guilt here, just encouragement. I like the buddy system. This will hardly cost you any money and you will see a difference in DAYS.

Leave me a comment, email, facebook, of text if you're interested. I'll blog/facebook my progress regularly for those who need encouragement. Maybe we could even plan a "Get your butt in to gear" party for after New Years. Could be fun!

New Moon: * *

2009-12-03T07:33:00.000-06:00

It is time...
You all know how much I like to write a good 'ol movie review. Actually November 25, 2008 I blogged my review of "Twilight", it still stands.
So I am firmly convinced that the purpose of this movie was to try sway all of those die hard "Team Edward" fans over into the "Team Jacob" pile, or at least leave all of us somewhere between. Pretty successful on that front, but left me feeling really sad. I was really in love with Edward before and sure that Jake wasn't my type....
Anyway, the first time I saw the flick it was opening weekend and I was in a theater with with 200 tweens. They were awful! Making all these sound effects and noises. What does a 12 year old girl really care about Jacob Black peeling his shirt off 3ft from camera? More than they should I think. And that's not the worst part about it! Two words... Bryan and Matt. Yes boys, we know you think is dumb. Taking the men's club with me, HUGE MISTAKE.
So, last night I gave it a well deserved second chance. I wanted to at least enjoy it, even it I didn't love it. So I went with my mommy (who has read the books and went voluntarily).
SO-HUH-OH MUCH BETTER. Still not an award winner by any means, by rather quite true to the book. Of course it omitted much of the feeling and pining that Bella does when her vampire vamps off into the night leaving her all alone (tear).
I love the real Edward, the one trapped in the book, but Rob is going to have to earn his way back into my affections. Go team Jacob. I'm no wolf but I'm just gonna hang out on the fence for a while.

Two stars, one thumb, a few regrets.

Here is a teaser pic from the set of Eclipse

Grief Help

2009-12-02T12:15:00.000-06:00

No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. -CS Lewis

Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.-Albus Dumbledore

"my eyes are dim with grief.
I call to you, O LORD, every day;
I spread out my hands to you." -Psalm 88:9

In light of the several families who have lost their loved little babies this week I decided it may be helpful to some of you if I post some information on how to support, encourage, or just speak with a person who is grieving the loss of a baby. Often the things we think are going to be helpful to say or do are really not. If you have never experienced a similar loss it is probably hard for you to even imagine what the mother is going through. I can't include all the information I would like to, but here is a little and I hope it is helpful.

Here is a list of things people often say but probably shouldn't:

- "I know how you feel." (even if you have experienced a similar loss, only she knew her baby and therefore this is not a helpful statement)

- "How are you doing?" (this question is too complicated to answer)

-"You can always have other babies"/ "You can always try again." (she wants the baby she lost, not other babies. The idea of trying again can make her feel like the world sees her baby as replaceable or insignificant)

- "It was God's plan."/ "It's all in Gods control." (although this statement may at time be comforting to some, often it can invoke feelings of anger and doesn't help the situation to make any more sense)

- "Was there something you did while you were pregnant...?"/ "Was there something that could have been done to prevent this?" (it may seem impossible that there are people stupid enough out there to say this, but it was said to me many times and NONE of those people are my friends anymore)

Now here is a list of tips on how you can approach this person in conversation that can allow them to open up IF THEY WANT TO, and also show your concern in an appropriate way:

- "It hurts to see you go through this, please let me know if there is a way I can be helpful" (acknowledge that it is their experience you are feeling bad for, it's not about you)

- "If you ever want to talk to someone I would love to hear more about *baby's name*
(lets them know you are comfortable talking about the baby and recognize him/her as a real person)

- On a similar note, when you are talking to that person about their baby be sure to use the baby's name, it validates he/she as a person and member of the family. Over time the mother will have less and less chances to use their babies name out loud and down the road continuing to ask about the baby by name will give mom chances to use the precious word out loud.

- Just wait. You can't force mom to move forward.

-If you aren't sure what to say DON'T say anything, or a simple "I have been thinking about you" is appropriate.

-Admit when you don't know what to say or do. When you act over confident the mother may think you are underestimating her pain and that you are insensitive.

-Mark the baby's birthday (and loss day if the same) on the calendar now while you know for sure what it is. That way when the 6month and one year anniversary comes around you will not forget to send a card or do something to recognize that day for the mother. It will mean a lot to her to know that you haven't forgotten her child, and give her opportunities to talk about it.

-Cards are always a wonderful idea. Don't call or drop by unless the family has openly expressed that they want people around.

-Freezer meals are also a great thing.

- If you can offer to take the other children at your house as often as you can, maybe setting up a set day every week. There will be times that the mom wants her children near, but times when it may feel like she really needs to fall apart for a little while and needs to know they are somewhere having fun. This may be something she needs for many months.

-Pray for them, don't just say that you'll pray for them.

Has this world been so kind to you that you should leave with regret? There are better things ahead than any we leave behind. C. S. Lewis

"While the child was alive," he said, "I fasted and wept, thinking God might have mercy on me and the child would live. But now that he's dead, why fast? Can I bring him back now? I can go to him, but he can't come to me." -2Samuel 12:23 (the Message)

"Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted." -Matthew 5:4

Death is no more than passing from one room into another. But there's a difference for me, you know. Because in that other room I shall be able to see. -Helen Keller

2009-12-02T11:16:00.000-06:00

Two months is too little.
They let him go.
They had no sudden healing.
To think that providence would
Take a child from his mother while she prays
Is appalling.

Who told us we’d be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?
We’re asking why this happens
To us who have died to live?
It’s unfair.

Chorus:
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held.

This hand is bitterness.
We want to taste it, let the hatred NUMB our sorrow.
The wise hands opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow.

(Chorus)
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held.

Bridge:
If hope is born of suffering.
If this is only the beginning.
Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?

(Chorus)
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held.

-"Held", by Natalie Grant

Thankful post-turkey

2009-11-30T10:38:00.000-06:00

I am choosing peace over anxiousness today, so I'm going to do something I intended to do last week but never got around to. This is going to be my top 20 thankfuls for this morning. They are not in order from least to greatest, I'm just thinking about all of them instead of thinking about the things that could be causing me fear, pain, guilt or stress (no there's nothing major going on, I'm just a female and I fret).

20. Thankful for God's forgiveness and grace. I don't understand it, I just need it.

19. Thankful for each of my kids. I could make a whole list of thankfuls just about them, but I'm going to condense that for today.

18. Thankful for peppermint cocoa mix that made it possible for me to have yummy peppermint lattes at home everyday for the price of one at the Starbuck.

17. Thankful for my home. You can't understand the gravity and emotion in that statement unless you have gone with out one... trust me.

16. Thankful for my Christmas decorations. It's a silly thing, but it just makes my little house seem so warm and happy. It's a girl think I guess.

15. Thankful for a husband who enjoys studying the bible with me.

14. Thankful for my husband's job. So proud of him and how far we've come. And so blessed that he enjoys what he does.

13. Thankful for my kid who learns differently. I see lots of beauty in what the world views as damaged, Jesus is teaching me that. There are days I'm angry and frustrated and wishing for a "cure". But really when I think about it, I don't feel like I fit in here on earth any better than he does.

12. Thankful for Bryan's G.I. bill that is going to make it possible for me to go back to school and fulfill some of my goals.

11.Thankful for God's sense of humor.

10. Thankful for music.

9. Thankful for hot showers.

8. Thankful for our new/old table that is only days aways from finally being finished.

7. Thankful for kids that USUALLY sleep well at night.

6. Thankful for The Office. So funny. But mostly because it is a bonding opportunity for Bryan and I every Thursday night. Laughing together is the priceless.

5. Thankful I was born in America even though we don't know how blessed we are. We don't really know poverty or war.

4. Thankful for books. Escape.

3. Thankful for science and all it can teach us about God and how he works. Amazing.

2. Thankful for my sense of smell and taste. I went almost 2 weeks without either when I had flu/sinus infection. Terrible! Cupcakes are disgusting when you can't taste them.

1. Thankful for peace and quiet.

Here are a couple verses I have been pondering this week, sit and try to picture this

Genesis 1:2 Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.

Exodus 20:21 The people remained at a distance, while Moses approached the thick darkness where God was.

Have a happy, Thankful week. Happy Monday and goodbye November.

Why ask why

2009-11-17T11:16:00.000-06:00

So here I am on this lovely fall morning, trying to figure out why God allowed both my phone and my coffee maker to go to the grave today. The answer I have come up with has something to do with "thou shalt not be productive", but I don't know if that's a real bible verse or not. So, instead I'm going to go with the better alternative and new agey meaning of "I'm gonna get a blackberry and a new coffee maker today, woo-hoo."
See, God turns our losses into something beautiful. The turn-around isn't usually this fast, but none the less, a brilliant lesson to be had.
Now for something completely different:
Aiden had a major reaction to wheat/glutein yesterday. Benadryl and all. I had suspected he had some kind of intolorence for a while but I've never seen anything so concrete about it. Hives, itching, upset, intesinal issues. Woa. So for real, wheat free here again. The biggest chanllange is going to be getting the DR to write me a note for the school. Forward, ever forward. And he recognized that it was making him sick which is also a good sign that he is going to come out of this fog he's been in for several weeks. Pray for my guy. He's so sweet, bit so young to have to deal with so many health issues and social challanges. He's a trooper.
Ya know what would make me feel better right now...?

Note: the look on Todd Packer's face

Christmas gifty sneak-peak

2009-11-07T14:53:00.000-06:00

I decided that this year I'm actually going to try my hand at gift making. Now, we all know that I am not the "craftiest" girl out there. So I tried to find things that would play up my strong suits (ie. no sewing, glass chiseling, etc) The reason I'm so excited about doing all my gift giving this way this year is because a)it's cost effective b)it's earth friendly, but it's also personal (so don't make fun of my creations!)
I wanted to share a list of what I'm planning to make, as well as post pictures of things as they are finished along the way. Today was a list making and planning day. I got myself a binder to keep my plans in, and a tote to put things in to keep the kids away from everything during the day.
Now here's the dilema: if I tell you all the details you may find out about what I'm planning on making you for Christmas. So, enter at your own risk.
None of my crafts were really very creative ideas, but I have come up with ways to incorporate lots of "Mandisms" that should keep it all very interresting.

-Home-made recipe books with pictures and lots of practical information. I don't want to give away too much, but they will be titled "The Fastest Way to Your Man's Heart". So you will get some of my favorite recipes along with plenty of my creative writing. Most of the recipes are my own, and a few are family recipes. This is going to be my main gift to give to family and friends and will probably be the most time consuming, so I'm donna have to get plenty of printer ink ;)

-"I'm Sew Glad We're Friends" gifty-baskets. This is what I'm probably going to be giving to my mops moms and a few others. A few of the things included are: some cute fabric to play with, fun scissors, unique buttons, and lots more (depending what I can get a good deal on) all in some really cute little baskets

(OK, so I have to stop here to mention that all the rest of the things on my list have a secret "theme". It's going to rock your socks, but I can't reveal it yet. So many of these things sound typical right now, but trust me, this is going to be fun)

-Drink Marker Rings (for stemware, and mugs and cups with handles)

-Specialty Ornaments

-Bottle Brush Trees (that you won't want to put away when Christmas is over)

Okay, so aside from all the gifties I am going to do the 'ol candy and cookies gifties too. However, I did find an really cool cookie recipe for "animal pull toy" cookies for kiddies.
Next weekend will be my main shopping weekend for supplies, and after that I will post pictures of some items as they are completed.
6 weeks 6 days until Christmas. Pray for me.

Mandi's Flying Circus

2009-11-03T22:29:00.001-06:00

I know, you've all had to wait a very long time for this, and here it is. A blog, by me. After months of being on medication to treat my post partum depression I am now well and rejuvinated, and best of all I have me wit back. Look out. So as a special treat, but don't expect this stuff everyday, I am going to share some silly ramblings from my life and my mind. With out further ado...

This is my brother, Wes. Some of you may remember him as a semi normal little boy who enjoyed soccer and power rangers. Now he has this mustache.(oh, and that is his normal girlfriend)

This is a tree that recently ALMOST fell on my parents house.

This year I volunteered to do some work at home to help out Aiden's teacher. What you see in this picture is an example of what she has been sending home to me. HUNDREDS of triangles to cut out. I have decided there are only 3 possible conclusions that can be drawn from this. 1)I am being punished for giving birth to an exrta-terrestrial brain leech 2)This is some kind of test. I'm very concerned about what will happen if I don't make the shapes "exact" as she requested in the intructions she sent home. 3) The third possibility had something to do with laziness, but upon further consideration I have ruled this one out because of the fact that she spends 7 hours a day with first graders.

This is a picture from the openning Sounders game I went to several months ago. I just wanted to post it.

Other than that I really don't have anything to add. I should probably go to bed, I have been suffering from what we have been calling "the illness that shall not be named", and I don't tell people what it is that I probably really do have, because I would no longer be accepted in public settings without having to wear a giant pig patch on the my clothing at all times.

It's good to be back. And I leave you with one more cheery little thing:

chili days

2009-10-08T14:51:00.000-05:00

Trying to figure out what to do with all that left over chili? Here's how I turned it into another meal...

1 box Jiffy cornbread
leftover chili
1-2 cups grated cheese
1 can of creamed corn

First mix the jiffy cornbread according to the directions on the box, you will need a couple other things like eggs and milk.
Then add the creamed corn into the jiffy mixture.
Next thoroughly grease a casserole dish before pouring half the cornbread mixture in. Then layer the leftover chili on top. Then the cheese. Then top off with the rest of the cornbread mixture.
Bake 375 for 45 minutes.

green pastures

2009-10-08T14:42:00.000-05:00

What is this place? Oh, I think I remember it from a long time ago when I was young. I don't know what it's called but it sure is nicer than the place where I just came from. It wasn't bad there, because I wasn't alone, but it was really hard to see where I was going.
But this place is really nice, not as scary. I wonder how long I will be allowed to stay here. I want to tell my friends about it, but I bet they've never even heard of it.
The place I was in before was like a swamp, and there were so many beasts I had to slay it was a lot of work.
Here it's so lovely and quiet, I think I could just lay down and take a nap. But I don't want to rest too long because I want to help my friends find their way here too.
It's a good thing I followed that guy with the sandals on or I never would have made it here in one piece.

2009-10-06T16:40:00.000-05:00

if you've never heard of my favorite artist, James Christiansen, I'm introducing you now. Art for the thinkers. Here's a website with his entire catalogue

http://www.greenwichworkshop.com/christensen/

Two Masters

2009-09-22T07:54:00.000-05:00

There are times in life that I know what my purpose is, it's clear. Some of those are hard times full of difficulty and tough decisions. Others there is an overwhelming amount of good things and I just don't know what to do with myself. BUT, I am human, and there are times that I get so caught up in ME that I totally loose track of what I was doing. That is such a lost and confusing way to be. There's no end when it comes to trying to make yourself happy. There's always something else you think will satisfy.
This morning I cleaned out my purse getting ready for the trip. You would not believe how my Target receipts came out of that little purse. How embarrassing! First of all the people at Target must think I'm crazy. Second of all... WHY!? Granted some of it was necessities like baby food and diapers. Others, well I don't even know what they were.
So that's an example on a small scale, and that's how it starts. Then it moves to other areas of life and can become really serious, like when you spend LOTS of time contemplating how to make other people like you and that is a very slippery slope.
When we aren't seeking happiness and purpose in God we can get so far away from true happiness soooo quickly. What is true happiness?

Psalm 4:7 You have filled my heart with greater joy than when their grain and new wine abound.

Psalm 5:11 But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you.

Psalm 6:11 You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

If you don't know what your purpose in life is, there's only one way to find out. When you learn more about God you learn more about why he made you, who you REALLY are.
Just be warned: living life outside of your God given purpose is like trying to draw water from a well with no bottom. Not only will you never gain anything from it, but if you lean in too far while trying you will probably fall in, and there's no bottom to stop your fall.
So, even though I'm not going to be home this week my goal is to let go of all those distractions that have been holding me back and taking away my strength and determination. Regroup, refocus, and renew. I know where my joy is, it's time to get back on track.

An apple a day...

2009-09-20T13:43:00.000-05:00

So Lulu just had her 9 month check up this past week. My little lady only weighs 17 lbs! I know that's the 35 percentile, not bad. She's just so much smaller than the boys were at that age. Other than that she's great! She's still cutting several teeth, all you Twilight lovers should know that I jokingly call her "my little immortal child". All those pretty teeth and hair on such a tiny thing.
Anyway, so I had a check up too, and I was wondering if anyone has any info for me. Apparently my scar from the c-section is turning into a bit of a keloid, from what my doc said there's nothing I can do about it. Unfortunately it hurts and pretty much looks "unhealed" most of the time. I think my bathing suit is going to cover it up, but still... lame. I was told that I could get some type of steroid injections to help it go away, is this true? Is it costly? Would it take away the pain associated?
So I haven't been very good at blogging lately. I'm just having trouble with putting thoughts into words that make sense. I could write a whole blog of unintelligible ramblings, but I think only a select few would appreciate the inside workings of my brain.

3 DAYS UNTIL VACATION!!!!

Sasson (the jeans rant)

2009-09-11T20:08:00.000-05:00

I'm sure there is some wonderful lady out there who doesn't mind, or maybe even enjoys jean shopping. Not me. Even planning to go shopping for a new pair of jeans kinda makes me feel like I am hyper-ventilating and ready to chew all my nails off. Hmm, what size will I be this time...? UGH!! I think we should all consider going back to corsets and full length gowns. Then the kicker is that I have to pay money, usually more than I want to spend, for these stitches of self-loathing. Usually you have to pay extra for the kind that doesn't emphasize the muffin-top, or make your rear look like it's actually connected to the rest of your body.
Who came up with this stuff? Why do we wear these? I mean, it's fine for men, because we aren't visual creatures and we focus on the heart of the man in the pants and not the rear view of the man in the pants. For us, though, it's a whole different enchilada. We work out, we diet, we try all kinds of gizmos and throw away tons of money; not to look good naked... TO LOOK GOOD IN THOSE STUPID JEANS!!!
Recently my main problem with jeans is getting them to stay up. Don't misunderstand, I don't mean like I'm so little and cute size 0 is just too big. No no no, I mean they just don't, none of them. They search for the narrowest place to rest, so they slide on down to that area between the gut and the butt. Not a good place. They should not call this "The Artist" style, or "The boyfriend", no it should be "The Dough ball", or "The Spare". It just accentuates that jelly role!
I'm so glad my husband loves me the way I am.
So there you have it ladies....

2009-09-03T12:30:00.000-05:00

Once upon a time there was a beautiful little princess. She was playful and happy, and was loved and treasured by all the kingdom. She was priceless. There was an evil and dark wizard who lived in the kingdom who wanted the princess for himself. He new that she would grow into a great beauty, so he plotted to one day make her his bride. He also knew that she would never willingly marry him if she knew her own value and beauty. So he cursed her and took away her reflection. When the princess went to look at herself in the mirror she could see nothing, just everything around her.
The princess continued to grow more beautiful through the years. She began asking those around her "what do I look like?" because like any young girl she wanted to know. When she asked her mother and father they would always reply "you are so beautiful! You are the most lovely girl we have ever seen!" However, she knew that even if she were terribly ugly they would never tell her because they loved her so. So she began asking her friends, "what do I look like?" But they were proud and full of envy and always replied, "you look like the rest of us."
The girl continued to grow in age and beauty, and when she was grown she no longer asked people what she looked like, but deep inside she longed to know. She needed to know.
Then one day the wizard came to the castle and told the princess how he loved her and longed to marry her. He hoped that because she didn't know how lovely she was that she would say yes in fear of never finding another to marry her. The princess did not know that the wizard had long been the captor of her reflection and had prevented her from knowing herself. She consented to the marriage on the condition that she have five days to seek out her reflection in the land. The wizard, believing that she would never be able to find the reflection, grinned his evil grin and agreed to let her go and return to marry him in five days time.
The princess set out on horse to visit every nook and cranny in the kingdom. She looked down every well, and into every shop window. It was no where to be found. So on the fifth day she set out to return to the castle where the evil wizard was waiting. Just before the castle, the princess stopped to spend some time alone in a quiet meadow. She sat in the meadow, watching the flowers sway in the breeze. As she sat, a shepherd came over the hill guiding a flock of white sheep. She had heard of this shepherd before. All the people of the town spoke of him as honest and kind. She wanted to know what his face was like, because she had heard his name many times before. She walked to him and when she drew near she noticed that he had very large, dark, lovely eyes. She drew closer still to look at his eyes, and when she was so close that she could touch him she noticed the most amazing thing. When she looked into his eyes she could see... herself. She could see her own eyes, her face, her hair.... And she could see that she was smiling. When she realized that he was staring back at her she was embarrassed and looked away. The shepherd said" no, don't look away, I have long waited to show you who you are. A wizard came to me when I was a young boy and hid something of yours in my eyes. He told me you would never look at me because your beauty would never allow you to set eyes on someone so meager and lowly. But I believed in your kindness and good heart and knew that someday you would look into my eyes and find yourself."
The princess was stunned, and the moment she learned the truth her reflection was set free, and through the eyes of the shepherd she finally knew herself.

The end

Semi-Homade Soups

2009-09-02T12:01:00.001-05:00

I am often experimenting with "what I already have on hand" style cooking. It has been really chilly in my house the past several mornings which has started some new experimenting with soups. Sure, I could just buy it ready made in the can, but I want to make things a little hardier and tastier (and use things I usually have around.
So here are the results so far
Yesterday: pea soup
- 1 can peas
- 2tbs butter
- 1 tbs flour mixed with 1/2 cup milk BEFORE added to melted butter and peas
-plenty of black pepper
- a dash of salt

I hope most of this is at least semi self explanitory. I do mash to peas a little with the back of a spoon, but that's because I like it mushy.

Today: Heart creamy tomato
-1can diced tomatoes
-1/2 a can tomato paste
-1 can cream celery soup
-1/4 cup milk
-pepper, onion power, beef bouillon to taste

Simmer LOW for as long as you can with out over cooking, this could probaby go in a crock pot with some other veggies added to make a veggie soup.

Tomorrow I'm planning on something potato :)

Perfect Faithfulness

2009-09-01T13:15:00.000-05:00

I am writing to you, my friends, as this story is unfolding. This is really amazing and I want to share what God is doing in the past 48 hours in my life.

You all know how badly I have been wanting to return to school so that I can attend bible seminary and learn to serve the Lord on a new level. This idea has been burning in my heart for months. By the time summer was in full swing and colleges were putting out their fall enrollment schedules it was clear that there was no way we were going to be able to afford for me to return to school. As a matter of fact we have often wondered how we are going to stay afloat financially much longer! It has been starting to get a little scary. At the same time I have felt a strong feeling from the Holy Spirit urging me to stay calm and wait because something is "about to happen". I constantly had this feeling like: "any minute... here it comes... any minute." But what could that solution be? There was NOTHING in my mind that could prove to change our situation anytime soon. Everything is LEAN.

Then things started to happen. I'm not going to talk about all of them, because that would just be boring for you. God started to present us with all these blessings. If you know me at all I have been walking through the valley with my Shepherd for soooo long that I get a little nervous when certain types of blessing present themselves. So things that would seem really small to someone else are HUGE to me. Here is just one example: I had the privilege of receiving a BEAUTIFUL dish set that has been in my family for eons. It meant so much to me to bring this dish set in my home yesterday. I suddenly felt like I had acquired an enormous wealth.

So, anyway, these types of blessings were "falling out of the sky" all day yesterday. I was giddy. Then, here's the kicker. When Bryan was at work someone informed him that the G.I. bill has been changed so that it is now transferable to spouses!! What?!!! And you think that's crazy, apparently all the benefits of the G.I bill are transferable from someone who is no longer active duty including HOUSING ALLOWANCE while the person is attending school full time. If anyone knows about any of this and can inform me whether I am correct with this information or not please let me know.
So, I'm going to go back to my room and lay on my face a little longer because I just can't take it. God is too good for me. I'm waiting to know if this is going to be real.

"Oh Lord, Thou are my God: I will exalt thee, I will give thanks to thy name; For thou hast worked wonders, Plans formed long ago, with perfect faithfulness." Isaiah 25:1

Mythical boyfriend

2009-08-27T13:46:00.000-05:00

Ok, so he's not my boyfriend, he's really my husband. And he's not mythical either, it's just that he's gone a lot. I really wish I had a dollar for everytime someone has said, "I don't think I've ever seen your husband", or "I wouldn't know him if I saw him."
So today I am devoting a whole blog to him so that you can all meet him. He's usually the one taking the pictures, so I had to scour our files to find some pictures of him to share.
He's a cool guy.
1. the guy in the black shirt with the big wad in his mouth
2. this is an older pic
3. yankees game
4 with senator Patty Murray
5. rinding the bull on wallstreet

Just call me "Ricki Lake"

2009-08-24T00:05:00.001-05:00

Just so you know from the beginning, this blog is basically a rant/vent. That means it is going to be full of whining and complaining about something NOT LIFE THREATENING, and I realize that.
So, after about a week of not watching what I ate, at least not really, and eating way too late EVERY night; I have gained 9 lbs. That's right, 9. Granted, it's the end of the day, not the best time to weigh in. But two weeks ago at this time of night I would have weighed 9 pounds less!!!!! I am so angry. I am so mad at myself. I noticed I wasn't looking quite as trim around the middle, but whoa. All the hard work... now I have to re-loose those 9 pounds.
IDIOT!!! UGH!!!
So, as of tonight, my goal for this week is to try to get a little closer to where I was. Logic tells me that it's not all fat... yet, because it hasn't been there long enough. (and I ate at least a pound of spinach dip just today) So just maybe most of it can go away before Bry comes home.
Step 1) Loose the blubber I gained back
Step 2) Maybe scrape off 5 more beyond that.
Goodbye tasty food... (tear)
The perils of being a woman.

UPDATE: I ate a whole bunch of peanutbutter cup cookies today.

2009-08-22T00:00:00.000-05:00

Funnies
(courtey of www.theonion.com)

Just wanted to get your laugh boxes going...

White House Reveals Obama Is Bipolar, Has Entered Depressive Phase

2009-08-21T10:16:00.000-05:00

Today I was planning on posting some interresting pictures from over the past few months that were taken from my phone. I have sent them to my inbox twice and still they keep getting lost somewhere out in cyberspace. So, hopefully they turn up eventually and I can post them. Until then, I ain't got nothin. So maybe another post later...

2009-08-14T15:19:00.000-05:00

Anecdotes to lighten the Friday afternoon load.

Lucy Sprouts Tooth

At seven months old, little Lucy Clover is growing what appear to be some form of gopher teeth from her upper gum. Her mother didn't know that Lucy was hiding the teeth until she heard a noise that sounded like grinding coming from the child's mouth. Details and photos to come as the situation develops.

Old Dog, New Tricks

Twenty-six year old house keeper, Mandi Lou, was recently reported to have "mopped the kitchen floor". Many thought it would never be done, but Miss Lou is not one to stand in the way of progress. When questioned Miss Lou replied, "It really wasn't dirty, it was just sticky from all this darn humidity".
Well, we don't care what was causing it Miss Lou, we're just glad that the situation has been rectified. More next week on the breakfast cereal removed from under the couch that strongly resembled rodent feces.

Fall Fashion Trends

Looking to spruce up your fall wardrobe this month? Here are the latest fashion reports from the Martin Household, the height of fashion this year.
First we have Aiden, an alternative designer who is mixing comfort and creative. His latest design for the fall consists of high water jammy bottoms and a traditional t-shirt with a trendy pair of "toes hang over the edge"-style sandals.
Next up we have the lovely Mandi whose new logo for fall is "dress three sizes to big"! She prefers jeans with holes ALL over them that are so big on her she doesn't have to unzip them to use the restroom and show her old lady underwear every time she sits down. Paired with a perhaps too youthful looking t-shirt. Anyone familiar with Mandi's fashion design knows that everything goes with flip-flops!
Last but certainly not least we have Bryanwear. When going for this look never wear pants that don't have holes and grease all over them. The knew look this fall is also letting your toddler color all over your pants with marker and still wearing them out of the house. To complete this look top it off one of your 200 t-shirts you've had since 1995.
Enjoy your fall and back to school shopping, and don't forget... you are what you wear!

Blurg-blog

2009-08-12T09:58:00.000-05:00

Here it is, time again for a post full of honesty and real life issues. I confess I haven't been up to my usual par for blogging, my mind has been further occupied. There is a situation that has been underlying and growing for months and it is finally coming to the point where I am having trouble seeing around it in order to perform everyday tasks. It is a money issue, and an issue with Bryan's job. I don't want to be to specific because I don't want to turn to complaining, and I don't want to over step my bounds as far as sharing private information is concerned.
So here's what it comes to... the outcome of this situation affects so many aspects of my life that I have run out of ways to plan around it. My home, my family's well being, my ability to minister to others the way God is directing me, and so much more.
When it comes to these type of material dilemmas I get so frustrated. What is it I expect? Perfect comfort on an imperfect earth? No, but what about my children? Should they have to suffer? Is this really just an issue that my worrying and fretting has blown out of proportion, or is there really some loss heading my way.
Yes, God does provide peace and comfort in all situations; through his word and the daily commune and renewal with the Holy Spirit.
The trouble is I'm a thinker. A person of process and method. "What does this mean?" "what am I supposed to do?" When I believe so strongly that there is a purpose to everything, not on the condition of my understanding, I can't avoid the thought that this too has purpose. So I rethink it over and over, wondering what I should be doing differently and hoping God will soon break His silence on the subject.

the word on the street

2009-08-10T13:48:00.000-05:00

Less than a month until school starts!! So today I am going to give a little list of family updates.

1. Bryan and I were SUPPOSED to leave yesterday for our vacation in new York. However, due mostly to issues and schedules at work we have to cancel our trip. Instead we are planning on going to California for a few days in the first weekend of October. I must admit, I would rather go to California than New York. It's going to be more relaxing, and probably more romantic.

2. Aiden has finally learned to ride his bike with out training wheels. That's actually very big new. With all his motor skill issues we really didn't expect him to be able to do this yet. He worked so hard at it. Now he's very proud of himself, and we are too.

3. My mom and dad have moved. They are still staying at there Lake Tapps house during the week until it sells, but they have bought a place on Whidby Island. I am trying to adjust to not seeing them as often. The first time it really hit me was Sunday. Bryan had to work, and normally I would call my parents and they could meet me at church to help me get the kids to class. Now I'm on my own! So I do miss them.

4. My brother is going to be moving over to Central Washington University in just a few weeks. That is going to be another big adjustment for my family on top of my parents moving. I'm so excited for him though!

5. I reached the 30 lb mark. That's right, I have lost 30 lbs. I have a few more pounds to go before my end goal (based on my BMI). But here is a word of truth for everyone out there... it hasn't changed anything. I feel the same. I don't even view myself differently. If anything, I miss brownies more than I enjoy being a size 6. So for anyone out there who looks in the mirror and thinks "...if only I were twenty pounds smaller...", just know that it won't make you feel better. You truly do have to choose to be happy with yourself in any state and not make it contingent upon physical appearance or any one aspect of yourself.

Ta-da!

Gone

2009-08-06T13:42:00.000-05:00

This morning the song "Gone" by Switchfoot is on a continual rotation in my brain. It makes sense, though, because this morning I cleaned out Lucy's closet. Goodbye baby swing, goodbye bouncy seat, goodbye newborn swaddling blankets. "Today will soon be gone, like yesterday is gone."
I am glad to pass these items on to another family, but it feels like just yesterday I was preparing for the arrival of little Jack, and now it's been almost three years! And Lucy, just when I thought I was going back into the never ending pregnancy and newborn days, here I am getting rid of all the precious things I gathered to prepare for her arrival. The baby days will soon be gone. It's hard, after being in pregnancy/newborn mode for the past seven years, to know how to move on from all that. No pregnancy tests, no nursing in the middle of the night, no pouring over "What to Expect When You're Expecting" for the hundredth time.
Yes, we are truly finished, no I really don't want another baby. I just wish those days with my babies hadn't flown by in such a flash (although it seemed like an eternity at the time).
Now to embrace my freedom. I don't have to stay away from fancy cheese and wine, I don't need pants with a stretchy waistband, or worry about pregnancy weight ever again. My body is no longer shared.
...beautiful memories of birth....

A striking resemblance

2009-08-05T13:32:00.000-05:00

It's still summer

2009-08-03T13:57:00.000-05:00

It's happened... every summer there comes a day when I walk outside and the air is different. I can feel it. There are six weeks left until fall. It doesn't matter that it is still roasting outside, I can tell things are changing.
So now, for no reason I feel all googly and romantic. I stood there, smelling the Macintosh Yankee candles for a good five minutes while at Ben Franklins. I love fall. It really brings out the best in me. So, even though I think we still have some summer left in the year, I know that it's coming. So for all you fall fans mark it on your calendar. I've been right to the week for several years in a row. Six weeks from now the leaves will be falling and there will be no doubt that the summer is leaving.
So, as a tribute to my favorite time of year I am making a list of my top 10 favorite fall things:

10) It's the Great Pumpkin! Halloween, I love to see how much fun my kids have. They are so cute all dressed up.

9) Fresh, hot, apple cider. Especially when sharing some with friends. Either inside by the fire, or outside on a hayride.

8) The colors. In Buffalo the falls were especially beautiful, but there is no shortage of beauty here in the Cascades either! When the leaves turn and fall it gives me this peaceful feeling, and reminds me of our mortality. How short our time is, how beautiful.

7) The smells. Pies. Apples. The crisp air. Breath it in, aahhhh.

6)"Back to school, back to school, to show my dad I'm not fool." Aiden needs more social interaction than I am able to give him. He thrives on being in a stimulating environment. I try to give him that at home, but really we're pretty boring. Not to mention I don't mind a little extra peace and quiet.

5)Thanksgiving. God made us for HIS glory, it's so nice to celebrate everything He has given us. especially when it involves good food.

4)Jackets and scarves. I'm not much for warm weather. I prefer drizzle and chill any day. I like my sweaters, hoodies, and jackets.

3) Pies. I mentioned the way they smell, but how about the way they taste, and most of all the wonderful feeling you get from making them. There are pies in the summer, particularly the berry variety. But I'm talking about PUMPKIN and APPLE! When I am baking mode I think my family loves me a little more than usual.

2)Going to the pumpkin patch! We love Spooner farms. This year I hope to do more than last year, as I was pregnant and not in the mood for tractor rides or haunted corn mazes. I love pushing the wheel barrow around, my kids trying to pick up pumpkins that are bigger than they are, and the feeling of family it all gives me. Those memories are lasting.

1) It's the beginning of the holiday season! It all starts with the pumpkin spice latte and before ya know it it's time for a good 'ol peppermint mocha! I don't know how else to explain this, unless you LOVE Christmas like I do. It is the festivities that preclude the most "magical" time of year. It's a feeling that keeps me young.

There, have I romanticized it enough for you?

water proof mattress cover

2009-08-02T22:55:00.000-05:00

I have been trying to potty train Jack, I really have. He's just not interested.
Unfortunately the heat has been really bugging him this past week, and there have been several times when I have caught him peeling off his diaper. He really doesn't want to wear it, but he REFUSES to use a toilet. So, I told him he has to wear the diaper unless he uses the potty like a big boy first.
Well, this morning I woke up to the sounds of the boys running through my room like a pack of monkeys. When I opened my eyes I was ALARMED to see that Jack was butt naked. When I looked at him he took off to his room. I jumped up and followed, worried about what I would find when I got to his room. When I got there I saw a puddle in his bed.
Aiden, the official big brother explained the situation to me as follows: "Last night Jack was too hot, so he decided to take off his diaper".
"Jackson!" I exclaimed.
Jack's eyes got very wide and he shouted, "Mama mia!"

...aaand that's all I got.

2009-07-29T09:37:00.000-05:00

Being a female is hard work. The pressures of being everything to everyone. Be the best mom. Be the perfect wife. Be social and hospitable. As Christian women I think we are double burdened because we live in this world and must deal with it's expectations and standards, and yet we also want to fulfill our obligations according to God's word.
I got up this morning and my kitchen stunk. I had left dirty dishes in the sink all day yesterday and all night, because it was so hot I didn't want to do anything. Heat+dirty dishes=STINK.
Yet on the other hand I have cheerfully accepted several new responsibilities at church and in the community that will take up way more than ten sweaty minutes to deal with. What is with that?
So while there is no school, MOPS, women's bible study, or any other commitments due to summer break, I am going to take the time to really figure out why God made me the way I am. I hope all my friends can find a little time to do the same. My starting place right now is a book called "Captivating", that my friend Sarah lent me a few months ago. I was hoping to start a summer bible study for anyone who needed it, but then I got caught in the under toe of summer schedules. As an alternative, if there is anyone who wants to grab a copy for themselves, I would love to have some buddies to discuss it with. I am only about a sixth of the way into it, and so far it is really hitting on some of my core issues as a female.
If you're interested please let me know by email/phone/any other silly internet way of communicating.

"Even to see her walk across the room is a liberal education."-C.S.Lewis

"...A woman must have a thorough knowledge of music,singing, drawing, dancing, and the modern languages, to deserve the word (accomplished); and besides all this, she must possess a certain something in her air and manner of walking, the tone of her voice, her address and expressions, or the word will be half deserved."
"All this she must possess, added Darcy; and to all this she must yet add something more substantial, in the improvement of her mind by extensive reading."
"I am no longer surprised at you knowing only six accomplished women. I rather wonder now at your knowing any."
"Are you so severe upon your own sex, as to doubt the possibility of all this?"
"I never saw such a woman. I never saw such a capacity, and taste, and application, and elegance, as you describe, united." -Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice

No Kidding

2009-07-27T19:20:00.000-05:00

Aiden, until a few minutes ago, had a slightly loose tooth. Now get this, while jumping on my bed, his tooth got caught... in the canopy, that's right, in the canopy. And upon landing back down on the bed the snagged tooth was ripped out and catapulted across my room. When this happened Aiden didn't even say a word or make a yelp. I just noticed him standing on my bed with a weird look on his face. It only took a minute before I realized what happened. We were all crawling around on the floor trying to find Aiden's money maker (tooth). We did find it, and it will be securely in the tooth pillow until the tooth fairy arrives sometime later tonight.

Dirty diapers got you down?

2009-07-26T23:46:00.000-05:00

The new evening MOPS group at Bethany Baptist Church in Puyallup invites you to an open house night! Please join us Tuesday August 25th at six-thirty in the evening. We want to answer all your questions about joining MOPS and how you can be part of our MOPS team.
We will also have a table in the lobby between church services.
We are so excited about connecting moms and providing a fun relaxing evening for you!

*this MOPS group is not a syndication of the Thursday morning MOPS group at Bethany, events and activities will not be a replicate of the morning group and moms are welcome to attend both.

Brothers and Sister

2009-07-25T16:57:00.000-05:00

Thanks

2009-07-24T10:50:00.000-05:00

I woke up this morning with a general feeling of "thankful". I wanted to blog about this but wasn't sure what to say until I really Missy's blog from yesterday, where she listed 10 things she was thankful for. I think I am going to be a copy cat and do something similar today.

1. First, I am so thankful for my husband and my marriage. He is my best friend. I can't really express my feelings adequately on this subject, it's obviously quite personal. He is truly...me. One person. He makes me laugh, and I enjoy the challenge of trying to make him laugh.

2. I am thankful for my kids. I've said it so many times, but I'm saying it again. They have all taught me so many things. They all have their own story and uniqueness. Every once in a while I look at the slightly stretch marked, loose skin on my tummy (that is now also graced with a scar) and I think, WOW... four people have been there! Amazing what God made women capable of.

3. I am thankful that God has a purpose for me. When I'm not doing something to serve Him I feel... like a jello. This year He has chosen me for so many new ministry opportunities, I am so grateful. I had been praying for this for several months and wondering if I was ever going to be needed somewhere. Now I'm on fire and he brought the right opportunities right to me.

4. I'm thankful for me improved physical health. My doctor really cracked the code and I feel so much better. I had been suffering from extreme fatigue for a long time along with a myriad of other complaints. I felt so weak and helpless. I was afraid that I wasn't going to be able to serve outside my home, let alone keep my kitchen clean. This body is imperfect and health will come and go, but I am so grateful for my strength right now.

5. I'm thankful for my husband's job. That's pretty self explanatory.

So there you have it for now. I'm not trying to brag, there are plenty of things that I could be complaining about. My life is far from perfect. I just wanted to share how I was feeling today and thank those who have stopped to pray for me, even just once.

Drum Roll...

2009-07-23T10:59:00.000-05:00

There's going to be an evening MOPS starting at Bethany this fall! We are just in the beginning planning process at this point. Our originator and coordinator is the wonderful Amy Cline. This MOPS group will be geared to those who can't make it to the morning MOPS group, aren't morning people, or work during the day. (And I guess there are some of us who feel like one MOPS group isn't enough)

Looking for a new ministry opportunity? We are looking to fill many different MOPS positions including table leaders, mentor moms, craft coordinators, and much more. we are going to be having an open house for anyone interested, more details coming soon. Pray about it.

doing 13 year old stuff

2009-07-20T10:59:00.000-05:00

I had loads of fun last week in VBS. I was the tour guide for the 6th graders. They were very interesting, a lot of social issues, but they were loads of fun. I also had the privilege of seeing two girls in my group accept Jesus during a bible lesson. I also manged to get all 16 of them to memorize the whole "Lord's Prayer". Cool stuff. Makes me think maybe I should be involved with youth ministries at church on a regular basis.

Last night Bryan took me to the Paramore and No Doubt concert. Paramore rocked my socks off, I really do like them. But No doubt was uuuuhhhh-nbelievable!!! So good. How in the world did Gwen get those abs right after having her babies? So anyway it was great, and I have pics but I still haven't uploaded them.

The countdown is on, I have 3 weeks until my big NY vacation with Bry. I am only 5-ish lbs from my vacation goal weight. I love my new bathing suit and may actually get to wear it. I haven't seen this number on the scale since high school. Just another part of the "done having kids" transition. Yay me!

Family Pic and more

2009-07-11T21:26:00.000-05:00

Lu Lu

2009-07-04T18:16:00.001-05:00

Debriefing

2009-06-22T08:19:00.001-05:00

What a rough past couple weeks. I hate to say this, but it seems that loss always comes in bundles. I'm not going to elaborate on that at this point but there are probably lots of people who already know at least one of the things I'm talking about. Selfishly I am stunned that for once it feels like I am not the one who is being put into the Potter's fire, although I feel it very strongly for my friends who are hurting.

So here is a real Martin family update: I made a killing at the Tapps Island garage sale a couple weekends ago. I sold a bunch of stuff we never wanted to look at again. However, in doing so we have also made a new isssue for ourselves. I sold a set of bookshelves and some bar stools leaving us no where to sit when we eat and no where to put our many books. The idea is to get rid of the old to make way for the new, but um.... The upside is I used the procedes of the event to FINALLY get a washer and dryer, my mom doesn't have to do my laundry anymore (wierd/sad laugh here). We also got a new dining room table (which we haven't had in years) at a garage sale for $30, and it looks pretty sweet, just need some darn chairs. Oh well, the main reason we haven't sprung for some seats yet is all our money is on hold to go on vacation in August. I'm soooooo excited to go to N.Y., I'm really excited to be going anywhere.
Last week a nasty stomach flu swept through our family. So bad. I almost had Bryan take me to the hospital, I was so dehydrated.
Aiden graduated kindergarden. We are so proud of all the hard work he put in this year. He has really made a lot of progress. Unfortunatly the switch to summer routine has had a pretty negtive effect on him. We are working through it.
I'm going to be working at our church VBS in a couple weeks as the 6th grade tour guide. It will be fun to hang out with some older kids, and my kids will have a great time in there own groups.
Bryan is going to New York on Sunday. I don't like it when he's gone, but it is a good time for me to watch lots of Masterpiece Theater and do some reading.
Lucy sprouted a tooth a few days ago, I can't believe she is getting so big.
Jack is getting taller and smarter everyday.

There ya have it. Happy Summer!

Missed you my blogger friends

2009-06-21T19:00:00.000-05:00

There are a lot of things I could be writing about in this blog but I'm going to stick with something light and maybe fairly entertaining.

I'M BACK TO MY PREPREGNANCY WEIGHT!!!!

I haven't eaten a piece of bread in... I don't even remember. My whole family has been eating pretty healthy consequently. We have been having salmon twice a week and wheat is pretty much out, except Bryan and the boys do sometimes have wraps.
I have been working out pretty hard too. I have been doing a lot of Jillian Michaels work outs. I started out with the ever so popular 30 Day Shred and then started doing similar ones like No More Trouble Spots. I really like the circuit method that she uses. I was just doing cardio before and adding the resistance and strength with cardio has made a huge difference.

10 lbs to go before my vacation goal. Woo-hoo!

The skinny

2009-05-28T13:47:00.000-05:00

So I'm "back on the bandwagon", so to speak. I lost several pounds by staying away from carbs a few months ago. I have been at a stand-still pretty much since we moved into our house. I could give all kinds of reasons/excuses, but the important thing is that I am moving forward now. So far I have lost 7 lbs since Monday. I have really been enjoying it and it has felt pretty easy so far. I'm not exercising other than walking around the neighborhood, because I couldn't hardly stand the cravings I would get after working out.
I don't feel deprived at this point. I have been enjoying big yummy salads, meats from the grill, and plenty of dairy. Also, I don't eat anything after 6pm.
The best part is every morning I get up and get on the scale to see my progress continue; that's what keeps me going.
My goal is to loose 13 more pounds before my trip in August. When I hit my plateau I will start exercising again.
Maybe there will be a bathing suit in my future somewhere.

Updates and Plans (loooong post)

2009-05-24T17:35:00.000-05:00

So here is a (not)brief update on what we've been up to this spring.

Aiden: Kindergarten is almost over. Only month left before Aiden is experiences his first "summer break". This year AIden has made huge strides in catching up to the neuro-typical kids. He is a different guy than he was last fall. The tantrums are few and far between. He used to get so trapped in his own world. Now he recalls people's names, uses scissors (sort-of), and is learning to ride a bike. Those are just a few of the mile stones he has reached. I also feel like our ability to parent him has come a long way. We were so exhausted and lost when we started.
At school he is part of a SPLASH group that meets once a week for lunch were he spend time with other kids on the spectrum, he is by far the most verbal and the youngest. He has PT once a week. And he attends a group designed to help kids with their social skills and responses. This summer we are planning to keep up the pace as much as possible. We will be going to day camp for a week, vacation bible school for a week, and gymnastics (good for those motor skills). And hopefully swim lessons as well

Jack: He is getting so big. He has just entered that preschool phase where he says the funniest things. He's pretty rotten too. But really he's so easy going. He loves to play outside, especially anything when there is a ball involved. At his last doctor visit he was in the 75% for his weight and height, that is so huge compared to Aiden. He just finished his second year in MOPPETs. I'm planning to put him in gymnastics and swim for the summer as well.

Lucy: "Little Clover" as we like to call her is getting so big. She is now eating baby cereal and still sleeping through the night. She recently discovered her feet and is constantly putting them in her mouth and over her head. She loves sundresses and looking at herself in the mirror (girl!!) She still has a ton of crazy hair and I have to use a clip to keep it out of her face. She just stayed in the nursery during Sunday school for the first time today! Big girl! She also likes to fake cough and stick out her tongue.

Bryan: He leaves tomorrow for 5 days in Puerto Rico to deliver a boat. The forecast is thunderstorms all week, a tropical depression is developing there. He has had several weeks since the last time he had to travel. He has taken some vacation days to stay home and hang out with us, and finish some projects around the house. His plans for the summer mostly include travel, but we also hope to start working on a back patio and putting up a fence. Hopefully we'll get that done in time to enjoy it.

Mandi: Things have really calmed down for the summer, I hate it. So I've been trying to plan some fun things to do and I am ready to do lots of fun things with the kids. I just finished landscaping the front yard. I have been trying to figure out where I am going to be going to school in the fall before summer really gets in to gear, and I am busy again. There is a seminary in Tacoma that I am considering, but I'm not making any decisions until I speak with my pastor first. I am also hoping that there will be a major ministry opportunity ready for me in our church so I can start getting some experience. So mostly I have been just waiting for God to reveal Himself in those areas. As far as summer goes I am going to the smooth Jazz festival at Chateau St Michelle, No Doubt at the WhiteRiver Ampthr., and I'M GOING TO NEW YORK IN AUGUST!!! Bryan and I are going to be one for about 5 days to the Jersey Shore and Manhattan in August. The fist part of the vacation will be spent at a beach resort on the Jersey Shore, and the other part will be in the city. I'm so excited I can't wrap my brain around it. I have waited 7 1/2 years for a honeymoon!

That's that!

HEAVY LOAD: THIS END UP

2009-05-21T15:11:00.000-05:00

Every once in a long while I have a "close encounter" with the holy spirit. He's always working and moving in my life in ways seen and unseen, but these experiences are different. I was up early one morning before the kids, washing bottles and drinking coffee. Then it hit me. Clear as day. I want to go to seminary. Immediately I went and told Bryan, who looked at me like I was from mars, and got on the internet to search schools in our area. I found a couple but I still need to visit them. I would love input from anyone who has had experience with any of the local bible seminaries.
So, in the typical fashion of someone who has been called to a purpose beyond my own abilities, the next day I woke up not feeling well. I don't know what is going on with me but I can't shake it off. It's not depression on anything like that, this time it's physical. Extreme fatigue (sometimes I can hardly go upstairs), my legs are swell, and I pretty much gained ten pounds overnight. I'd been trying to keep up my healthy lifestyle, diet and exercise, but nothing is helping. I have a doctor appointment ina few weeks.
So I have been struggling to stay focused, it is hard to imagine going to school and taking care of my home when I feel like this. I am moving forward trusting that if this really is God's plan then everything will work out. So, needless to say I really need prayer.
The question my family asked when I started talking about this idea has been "why bible seminary, what do you plan to do?" The answer is I really want to start by writing. I want to write books and bible studies for women. I also want to teach. I think the two go hand in hand.
This has all been a little scary, but also really exciting. I have the feeling there is something specific that I am to write about, but I won't know what it is until I have taken all the right steps. So you are reading it first here. I am hoping to find a school in the next month or so. I am really wanting to start with most of my classes online and only going to school a couple days or evenings a week. I am still waiting on God's direction about where I can serve and what my ministry should be in the meantime.
Whoa.

On a completely seperate note, we are selling our Suburban, and still trying to sell the piano. Pretty much considering all offers.

"Things are looking up for 'ol Liz Lemon." -Liz Lemon

Lighten up?

2009-04-25T11:36:00.000-05:00

I really do like my hair. But lately I've been wondering if I have been letting my dark hair affect my personality. I'm always a little cynical and dark, but that doesn't mean I should be that way all the time. So I was thinking, if I were blond would I be more cheerful? I don't mean to say that I think I would be happier if my hair were different, but I think I let myself get a little too melodramatic when my hair is dark. And we all know I couldn't do something subtle, oh no. Hmm. I'm a little too attached to the darkness, maybe a change would be a good thing?

Anyway, I'm just going to leave you with a little anecdote courtesy of Jackson Cash:

"Momma, Lucy's mouth spilled."

woman seeking geek

2009-04-20T18:15:00.000-05:00

I saw this add today when I was on myspace:

"Potter fans - dating
A Geek You Can Love is Nearby Meet & date on Geek 2 Geek
geek2geek.com"

HA! If I wasn't already taken.

Anyway, I'm selling several things on craigslist. It's hard to do right now because it is so flooded. I am selling my piano from my parents house. They are moving and won't have room for it. I'm starting to wonder if it's going to sell
in time or if it might have to come live at my house for a while. I also have a set of living room tables I'm trying to get rid of because we want to use our living room for something other than setting things down.

This week is our last bible study... UNTIL NEXT FALL!! What? Do people not need spiritual nourishment in the summertime?! That has always confused me.

Bastien...please!

2009-04-18T21:52:00.000-05:00

So here is a big confession:
The real reason I haven't been posting new blogs this past month... (whisper voice): "post partum depression..."
Yeah, low times. Not the first time I have dealt with the ugly stuff before. I recognized right away that I was having some problems with depression, but it wasn't until my mom pointed out that it was probably post-partum/hormone related I suddenly thought, "oh yeah, I had a baby recently". You all know I am horribly honest, even to the point of TMI in some situations. This is something I think is just important to share. Many of my friends are pregnant or just had babies, so I am going to speak first so that others will be comfortable if they need to talk to someone about PPD. I'm here!! Call me!

So here's the set up:
All that stressful garbage we had been dealing with was finally over. I was all done with the unpacking in our new house. Lucy was sleeping through the night then....
Nolans birthday, my breast milk dried up in a matter of about 2 days, Bryan left for Boston and New York, I got my first period since the c-section, and everything got really dark. I just couldn't shake it. I wasn't really sad, I was just... nothing. Like in The Never Ending Story, it was like "Bastien, SAY MY NAME... ANYBODY? SOMEBODY?!"
The day of Nolan's birthday the Twilight movie came out (and I bought it of course)and I watched it like everyday. I didn't want to go anywhere. I cried, and then I couldn't cry. My thought patterns started getting all muttered. I had a few days when I was so stuck in my head I had no idea what was going on around me. I lost track of reality. It was REALLY SCARY.

I came really close to needing meds. I was lucky though, that with a few tweaks the fog started to lift after two months of misery. Now I'm getting alot of exercise (although I still haven't lost a stink'n pound!) and I'm taking fish oil and Estroven. I'm not quite back to normal but I'm getting there.

I love my family and my life, but hormones are a force to be reckoned with. "It's hard being a woman in a tight fist of fear." (shout out to my friends who are also finishing the Esther study with Beth Moore)

So that having been said, I guess it's pretty clear what happened to my diet. Cheesy chili dip and depression. So now I am going to get back on the band wagon Monday morning. I've already been cycling, jogging, and doing pilates and strength routines. Now it's time to kick those empty carbs to the curb. I got lots of tea and some high protein goodies at the store today. I think I'm ready. I want to loose 10lbs before June. That's my first goal.

Side Note: the new "Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince" trailer ROCKS!! I'm going to be the idiot crying in the theater. I'm sure I will go very in detail about my bonds with Harry in another blog closer to the movie. I'm already planning a reread to prep.

getting so big

2009-04-04T11:18:00.000-05:00

Did I mention that she started rolling over about a month ago! The boys could barely hold their heads up when they were her age. She's a strong little lady. She just turned 3 months last week.

2009-03-30T10:55:00.000-05:00

No news is good news. Just wanted to share this pic. I've been in Lala-land for about a week (aka Forks for those of you who know what I mean). I've been trying to keep up on everyone's blogs eventhough I haven't been commenting, I'm just in my own little world.

happy 4th birthday Nolan Michael

2009-03-21T17:14:00.000-05:00

No boo-boos

No tears

You're whole

Waiting for me at home

Love,
Mommy

Squeeze'n as much in as I can!

2009-03-09T11:47:00.000-05:00

Here are some pics from Aidens birthday party back on the 1st and our house warming party on the 7th. Go Team Edward!

Here are the main highlights since my last post:
Aiden lost a tooth. Last week I had to take him back to Children's Hospital for another round of evaluations. This group of doctors did not feel that autism or asbergers was the appropriate diagnosis for Aiden. They said that he has flags for several different disorders including asbergers, ADHD, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, and maybe some others, but they couldn't diagnose him with one specific thing at this time. I must admit, their revocation of an Asbergers diagnosis left me confused and frustrated as it was the only thing that had made since or been agreed upon at this point. Now he has no label wish makes it harder to get help. This has all come at a time when he has been displaying some new challenges as well, I'm worn out. We have an official IEP meeting March 16th, and I hope they are planning to add a few things to his schedule.
On a much lighter note, Lucy is sleeping through the night!! 9pm-6am. Yesss-
She weighed 10.5lbs at her 2 month appointment last week and I finally consented to start some of her immunizations now that I think she is big and healthy enough, but much to the docs dismay I am still planning on delaying the MMR for bother Lucy and Jack until they are 3.
Jack has been doing great and has had no problem transitioning to a "big boy bed". He loves Blues Clues and is already wearing a 3T. He's so easy going even in his "terrible twos".
Bryan is getting ready for a trip to Boston and New York this month. He is also starting a project boat in the garage this week. He plans to start doing side jobs next month as boating season starts getting a little closer, and is planning to get certified as a diver so that he can do some of the work while boats are still in the water. we'll see... He is so happy to have his own man cave and all of his tools.
We had a little house warming get together this past weekend, it was great. Lucy had 2 other babies to play with, Keeley and Dayton, and she looked so tiny next to her friends (Dayton is 1 week older than Lucy and Keeley is about 6 weeks older). I wish I had taken their picture together but they were barely all awake at the same time.
I have lots more to share, and I'll try to blog again this week.

"Thank you Lord for so many things, and please help me to be a good steward of your blessings. Amen."

Stopping by

2009-03-02T15:11:00.000-06:00

Here are a few pics from the house, I have lots more I will upload when I get the chance

Yes, I haven't been here in a long time. Today I am visiting my mom's house to use the computer and do laundry. I am switching back and forth to Craigslist trying to find a decent washer and dryer that I don't have to pay too much for.
I hope everyone is well. We have been enjoying our new home. We are feeling pretty settled other than the washer and dryer and still needing a dining room set. I was really gung-ho about getting a new dining set until we received all our medical bills for the last few months (I'm screaming inside).
But the house is great. So thankful.
I'm still trying to get some balance. We've just had too much going on. All I really want to do is stay home for a few days. I've been really missing my morning quiet time. I'm hoping to have a few days at home this week.
Bryan and I stayed up really late both nights this past weekend watching "The Tudors". I don't want to pro-mo it too much here because it is a Showtime original and therefore has way to many rated R scenes in it, but the plot was fabulous. So interesting to learn (although very embellished) about the reformation and Church of England. Can't wait for the next season to come to DVD (we don't have Showtime).

"God is bigger than the boogie-man" - Jr. Asparagus
"...a God who's never short on cash." -"Gone", Switchfoot

Oh my gosh I'm moving tomorrow!!!

2009-02-19T15:11:00.000-06:00

I think I have mentioned the stress issues before, but I'm just gonna mention that for a minute. My life has been possibly beyond the normal amount of crazy /scary/stressful for the past, oh... 4 1/2 years. The point is, now it's not. It's scary good. It's like when it's so quiet in the house it makes you nervous. Because I was so used to high stress levels (the stress didn't have me "stressed out") I am going through some kind of let down. I'm working really hard to tell my weird little brain to just go with the flow.
Praise the Lord we have a house, Praise the Lord we're gonna live in it, Praise the Lord we have everything we NEED.
Anyway, so another aspect to this is this is the "Season of Nolan" for me. It always starts with Aiden's birthday and doesn't end until Nolan's birthday March 21. I just get a little funky, but I enjoy it. It gives me a valid reason for my eccentric behavior. Grief is an uninvited house guest, it shows up at very inopportune times through your whole life.
So, yes, I have lost 6 lbs as of last Friday, and I'm hanging out there for a few days. I haven't botched as far as the things I eat being "bad", but there has been some rice in there and some really tasty pasta salad that I only ate a tiny bit of. The tough thing about the low card dieting it that all it takes is one serving of no-no food and you aren't gonna loose any that day. So after Valentines Day I decided it will be easier to eat what I should when I'm not staying at my mom's house with all of her yummy cooking. Haven't gained any... just haven't lost any more. Holding.
I'm guessing I won't post for several days, but my next post should include some good house pics.

"Thank you Lord for seeing us through. On my own I knew I wouldn't get here. There have been lots of boo-boos and oops along the way, but they were all for Your glory. I am ever changing and you are always the same. Please bless our new home with your presence and go before us in this change. Amen."

Aiden quotes to share:

"Daddy, call that mean guy one of those bad words! Do it! Just call him what uncle Bobby calls his cat!"

"I don't need help putting on my pajamas, I'm a proud man."

"Mom, can I have some Keeley-strawberry juice?"

"I would really like a Hannah Montana lunch box, that could be for a boy or for a girl."

"Mom, you need to take care of your child!" (as lucy is crying in the backseat of the car)

"My favorite guy on Star Wars was that Jed-guy."