I have several blogging friends who participate in "Thursday Thanks...", and I love reading those posts. It's so important to take time to recognize all the blessings God has provided us with, because if we don't we are apt to start viewing God as selfish and impersonal. Today is not Thursday, but I wanted to take the time to make a list of "thanks". I think I'm writing this post more for myself to view than anyone else, but I hope that it can be used for others as well.
The list actually is going to start a few years back, not just things from this past week. As I said, I'm really writing it for my own recognition of Gods work in my life, and I just want to see some of the major things all put together.
If my "Thank you Lord for the Life you have given me" list brings up some memories and feelings about your own life, please make a list or blog of your own, and make sure you let me know how it turns out.
Lastly, fall is always a very meaning time of year for me. Six years ago in the month of October, our unborn son was diagnosed via ultrasound, with genetic abnormalities that would ultimately end his life. October is "Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness" month. If you have lost a pregnancy or infant, I will be having a vigil through the 15th of October (Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day) on my other blog http://likemaryandmartha.blogspot.com/ Please visit their and leave your babies name/birthday/heavenday or any other thing you like to commemorate your loss.
I am Thankful for
~ The day I married my husband, Bryan, January 5, 2002.
~ The day my son, Aiden Conner, was born. February 18 2003. Looking back I realize that he had challenges (autism/etc) even on that day, but I wouldn't change a thing.
~ The day my son, Nolan Michael, was born and born again in heaven. March 21 2005. This includes every day of his life, spent right next to my heart.
~ The day Jackson Cash was born. My FAVORITE birth experience BY FAR. Amazing. I would have 100 children if it would always be like that day. Cutest baby EVER.
~The day I found out I was pregnant with Lucy, just a month after my 5th miscarriage, when we had decided we wouldn't try for anymore children.
~ The day my daughter, Lucy Clover was born, via emergency c-section, on my 26th birthday, December 30, 2008.
~ The day Bryan lost his job, in June 2010. It's hard to explain, but it was an answer to prayer.
~ The day we sold our truck, last Friday.
In my heart, the list is much longer, with lots of joy, loss, suffering. I just can't explain it all.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
On selling the truck
Life isn't always like this. Sometimes, to the glory of God, we have to whether the storm like soldiers. Knowing about what Jesus, a real man who suffered real pain, went through, not just for us but BECAUSE of us, we should be able to stand up during difficulty and have courage.
BUT, sometimes God intervenes and calms the storm. It isn't based on anything we have done, but His love Grace and mercy toward our human condition. I don't believe in a distant mythical God who looks down at the chaos of the world. Jesus, my God is personal. He has experienced life in a physical body, with all that is included. People hated him, because he was a pioneer in civil rights, women's rights, and a friend to the suffering and oppressed. I never have to think of my God as someone who doesn't understand how crappy life is, who is privileged and pompous.
This is all about His Grace and Love, something I STRUGGLE to understand in a real and complete way. Everyone looks at a particular part of Christianity or the bible and thinks "most of this is true, but probably not that". Some people have a hard time with creation, and seeing that God created the science in the world (as if science were to exact for some sloppy god) or maybe struggling to understand why the bible is relevant to our lives now. For me, however, the struggle has been with God's unconditional Grace and Love.
I struggle to BELIEVE that "God" would love each person, and I struggle to believe God would give Grace to each individual person. I know that it's true, because I believe in the accuracy, completeness, authority, and God inspired Bible, and the bible tells me about the size of God's Grace and Love.
So why do I struggle? because of my own personal pain and loss. There were times I was allowed to suffer, struggle, or fall. There has been a pretty heavy amount of loss in my life, and in working out my grief I always come down to one question "if he loves me so much, then why did this happen?"
But the truth is, the real answer lies not with in "how good has God been to me?" but with in my own personal sin, incompetence, depravity, and inability to save myself. People try to be their own "personal savior" their whole life. Using tools like but not limited to: money, power, religion, self-righteousness, physical fitness, and good intentions to try to make themselves whole. Trying to make all their mistakes, weaknesses, and losses go away or become justified somehow. But the fact is we can't.
So today, God has used His Grace and Love in an area of my life that could have seemed like a nice coincidence to someone else. But today I'm going to choose to see the Love behind it. I need to learn this lesson. It's the only way to allow the pain to be fully His, and not hang on to it for myself. I have to accept both the lessons from pain and the lessons from joy, not only the things that turn out the way I want.
BUT, sometimes God intervenes and calms the storm. It isn't based on anything we have done, but His love Grace and mercy toward our human condition. I don't believe in a distant mythical God who looks down at the chaos of the world. Jesus, my God is personal. He has experienced life in a physical body, with all that is included. People hated him, because he was a pioneer in civil rights, women's rights, and a friend to the suffering and oppressed. I never have to think of my God as someone who doesn't understand how crappy life is, who is privileged and pompous.
This is all about His Grace and Love, something I STRUGGLE to understand in a real and complete way. Everyone looks at a particular part of Christianity or the bible and thinks "most of this is true, but probably not that". Some people have a hard time with creation, and seeing that God created the science in the world (as if science were to exact for some sloppy god) or maybe struggling to understand why the bible is relevant to our lives now. For me, however, the struggle has been with God's unconditional Grace and Love.
I struggle to BELIEVE that "God" would love each person, and I struggle to believe God would give Grace to each individual person. I know that it's true, because I believe in the accuracy, completeness, authority, and God inspired Bible, and the bible tells me about the size of God's Grace and Love.
So why do I struggle? because of my own personal pain and loss. There were times I was allowed to suffer, struggle, or fall. There has been a pretty heavy amount of loss in my life, and in working out my grief I always come down to one question "if he loves me so much, then why did this happen?"
But the truth is, the real answer lies not with in "how good has God been to me?" but with in my own personal sin, incompetence, depravity, and inability to save myself. People try to be their own "personal savior" their whole life. Using tools like but not limited to: money, power, religion, self-righteousness, physical fitness, and good intentions to try to make themselves whole. Trying to make all their mistakes, weaknesses, and losses go away or become justified somehow. But the fact is we can't.
So today, God has used His Grace and Love in an area of my life that could have seemed like a nice coincidence to someone else. But today I'm going to choose to see the Love behind it. I need to learn this lesson. It's the only way to allow the pain to be fully His, and not hang on to it for myself. I have to accept both the lessons from pain and the lessons from joy, not only the things that turn out the way I want.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Last week was CRAY-ZEY. We were confronted with financial issues that could have been pretty devastating. As a family we have had to work really hard to overcome many financial blows from this past year. We had to learn to do the right thing to the glory of Jesus, and not because we thought there would be pay off or a reward in the end. Medical bills, Bryan's job loss, moving from Washington to Wisconsin, and so many other unexpected things along the way.
Last week we came to realize that with things the way they are we weren't going to have an easy time of getting financed to buy our truck when it's lease is up this week. Thursday I was praying about this, when something happened that is rare and unusual for me. God answered me on the spot. We weren't supposed to keep the truck. it all made sense and I knew we had to give it up in order to receive whatever God had planned for us.
But there was a problem. I knew Bryan wasn't going to like this idea. It was something that had been briefly discussed before and not positively on his part. I was pretty sure my asking him to do something like give back his truck and settle for something less was going to really tick him off. So really, I prayed about it. I prayed about it for about 2 hours with out ever receiving peace on the issue, when my phone chimed. Bryan sent me a text, humbly asking me if I would be okay with it if he just turned the truck in.
WHOA.
When he got home a few hours later we were both so relieved to be on the same page, both feeling strongly that it was truly what God was asking us to do. But now we had the issue of finding out how we were ever going to afford another vehicle. We were nearly broke as it was. We knew that we were being led to pay cash for something, so that we had no monthly payment or investment in a car, leaving that money open to other use. So we turned to good old Craigslist. We searched and made offers on a few things. This vehicle had to run, and have enough room to squeeze in 3 kids. Finding such a thing for the amount we had allotted was proving to be impossible. So we prayed about it some more. We both felt very strongly that we should not spend over $500 for this car. (I think that's because God didn't want us to become vain and start making prideful decisions about what we wanted) Bryan found one car that ran, and was listed at almost $1000, but at this point he was getting serious about our budget, and despite the number of sellers who had been really irritated at his low offers, he offered $450 for a car that was clearly worth more. NEVER did we expect almost an immediate response (which is also rare when using Craigslist) that simply said "its a deal".
So, on Saturday we went and picked up our new family car.
I'm not telling this story to brag about what an awesome deal we got, I just wanted to allow people to see this example of the way God provides when you follow his will. Now we have a car and no car payments. And, it's a pretty nice care believe it or not. It's a volvo and it has every bell and whistle and everything works!
Now, to continue the story (sorry, there's more) we are now trying to sell the Nissan instead of turning it in. It would make a HUGE impact on us financially to be able to sell. I would appreciate all of your prayers on this, we only have DAYS before we have to turn it in. I know at this point that it is totally up to the mercy of God, and if it isn't meant to be it isn't meant to be, but I am really hoping.
So, here's the second story, which is much shorter. most of my friends know that I have been having health issues. Praise God we started up our insurance last night and we can now go to the doctor whenever we want. We also have full eye and dental coverage, which is a good thing because the kids ruined my last set of contacts last night by filling the case with tap water.
Anyway, so I have praying a lot about my energy level, and that I will find a doctor who can help me, or that God wold heal me. Several months ago I started to develop a large cyst or something on the side of my foot. untreated it continued to grow and cause pain. I don't know what happened, all I know is that I had been praying that it wouldn't rupture (because I know that would be super painful and could cause infection) and that everything would work out if I was told I needed surgery (which it was pretty obvious I would).
Then last night when I was reading to the kids, I noticed that the pain and pressure in that part of my foot just "wasn't there". I was so used to the pain, it had been there for months. I reached down to rub my foot to feel only foot. It was gone. Seriously, just gone. I realize there are probably plenty of medical explanations for this, and that doesn't surprise me because God created the human body and all its functions, but really I was shocked. To shocked to even think about it. I think it took about 30 minutes to tell Bryan, and not even with any enthusiasm, because I was just too shocked.
So, there is my testimony for the first week of October. I love October, and I love fall. This is the beginning of a bittersweet holiday season for me every year, when I can't avoid or deny the blessings and presence of God in my life. No matter how difficult the rest of the year has been.
I'm going to go to Starbucks and get a pumpkin pie spice latte now.
Last week we came to realize that with things the way they are we weren't going to have an easy time of getting financed to buy our truck when it's lease is up this week. Thursday I was praying about this, when something happened that is rare and unusual for me. God answered me on the spot. We weren't supposed to keep the truck. it all made sense and I knew we had to give it up in order to receive whatever God had planned for us.
But there was a problem. I knew Bryan wasn't going to like this idea. It was something that had been briefly discussed before and not positively on his part. I was pretty sure my asking him to do something like give back his truck and settle for something less was going to really tick him off. So really, I prayed about it. I prayed about it for about 2 hours with out ever receiving peace on the issue, when my phone chimed. Bryan sent me a text, humbly asking me if I would be okay with it if he just turned the truck in.
WHOA.
When he got home a few hours later we were both so relieved to be on the same page, both feeling strongly that it was truly what God was asking us to do. But now we had the issue of finding out how we were ever going to afford another vehicle. We were nearly broke as it was. We knew that we were being led to pay cash for something, so that we had no monthly payment or investment in a car, leaving that money open to other use. So we turned to good old Craigslist. We searched and made offers on a few things. This vehicle had to run, and have enough room to squeeze in 3 kids. Finding such a thing for the amount we had allotted was proving to be impossible. So we prayed about it some more. We both felt very strongly that we should not spend over $500 for this car. (I think that's because God didn't want us to become vain and start making prideful decisions about what we wanted) Bryan found one car that ran, and was listed at almost $1000, but at this point he was getting serious about our budget, and despite the number of sellers who had been really irritated at his low offers, he offered $450 for a car that was clearly worth more. NEVER did we expect almost an immediate response (which is also rare when using Craigslist) that simply said "its a deal".
So, on Saturday we went and picked up our new family car.
I'm not telling this story to brag about what an awesome deal we got, I just wanted to allow people to see this example of the way God provides when you follow his will. Now we have a car and no car payments. And, it's a pretty nice care believe it or not. It's a volvo and it has every bell and whistle and everything works!
Now, to continue the story (sorry, there's more) we are now trying to sell the Nissan instead of turning it in. It would make a HUGE impact on us financially to be able to sell. I would appreciate all of your prayers on this, we only have DAYS before we have to turn it in. I know at this point that it is totally up to the mercy of God, and if it isn't meant to be it isn't meant to be, but I am really hoping.
So, here's the second story, which is much shorter. most of my friends know that I have been having health issues. Praise God we started up our insurance last night and we can now go to the doctor whenever we want. We also have full eye and dental coverage, which is a good thing because the kids ruined my last set of contacts last night by filling the case with tap water.
Anyway, so I have praying a lot about my energy level, and that I will find a doctor who can help me, or that God wold heal me. Several months ago I started to develop a large cyst or something on the side of my foot. untreated it continued to grow and cause pain. I don't know what happened, all I know is that I had been praying that it wouldn't rupture (because I know that would be super painful and could cause infection) and that everything would work out if I was told I needed surgery (which it was pretty obvious I would).
Then last night when I was reading to the kids, I noticed that the pain and pressure in that part of my foot just "wasn't there". I was so used to the pain, it had been there for months. I reached down to rub my foot to feel only foot. It was gone. Seriously, just gone. I realize there are probably plenty of medical explanations for this, and that doesn't surprise me because God created the human body and all its functions, but really I was shocked. To shocked to even think about it. I think it took about 30 minutes to tell Bryan, and not even with any enthusiasm, because I was just too shocked.
So, there is my testimony for the first week of October. I love October, and I love fall. This is the beginning of a bittersweet holiday season for me every year, when I can't avoid or deny the blessings and presence of God in my life. No matter how difficult the rest of the year has been.
I'm going to go to Starbucks and get a pumpkin pie spice latte now.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
