Bastien...please!

So here is a big confession:
The real reason I haven't been posting new blogs this past month... (whisper voice): "post partum depression..."
Yeah, low times. Not the first time I have dealt with the ugly stuff before. I recognized right away that I was having some problems with depression, but it wasn't until my mom pointed out that it was probably post-partum/hormone related I suddenly thought, "oh yeah, I had a baby recently". You all know I am horribly honest, even to the point of TMI in some situations. This is something I think is just important to share. Many of my friends are pregnant or just had babies, so I am going to speak first so that others will be comfortable if they need to talk to someone about PPD. I'm here!! Call me!

So here's the set up:
All that stressful garbage we had been dealing with was finally over. I was all done with the unpacking in our new house. Lucy was sleeping through the night then....
Nolans birthday, my breast milk dried up in a matter of about 2 days, Bryan left for Boston and New York, I got my first period since the c-section, and everything got really dark. I just couldn't shake it. I wasn't really sad, I was just... nothing. Like in The Never Ending Story, it was like "Bastien, SAY MY NAME... ANYBODY? SOMEBODY?!"
The day of Nolan's birthday the Twilight movie came out (and I bought it of course)and I watched it like everyday. I didn't want to go anywhere. I cried, and then I couldn't cry. My thought patterns started getting all muttered. I had a few days when I was so stuck in my head I had no idea what was going on around me. I lost track of reality. It was REALLY SCARY.

I came really close to needing meds. I was lucky though, that with a few tweaks the fog started to lift after two months of misery. Now I'm getting alot of exercise (although I still haven't lost a stink'n pound!) and I'm taking fish oil and Estroven. I'm not quite back to normal but I'm getting there.

I love my family and my life, but hormones are a force to be reckoned with. "It's hard being a woman in a tight fist of fear." (shout out to my friends who are also finishing the Esther study with Beth Moore)

So that having been said, I guess it's pretty clear what happened to my diet. Cheesy chili dip and depression. So now I am going to get back on the band wagon Monday morning. I've already been cycling, jogging, and doing pilates and strength routines. Now it's time to kick those empty carbs to the curb. I got lots of tea and some high protein goodies at the store today. I think I'm ready. I want to loose 10lbs before June. That's my first goal.

Side Note: the new "Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince" trailer ROCKS!! I'm going to be the idiot crying in the theater. I'm sure I will go very in detail about my bonds with Harry in another blog closer to the movie. I'm already planning a reread to prep.