The Skinny on being Fat

Hello there, blogger friends. Over the past couple years that I have had this blog I have been trying to define in my mind what this blog is about. When it all gets laid out on the table, I'd say it's pretty eclectic. I have my blog that is strictly for "writing", bu this one is always just about whatever is going on in my life at the time. I also go through phases where I don't want to write at all. Or times when I continually revisit the same issues over, and over, and over (sorry).
So today I'm in to mood to revisit one of those old issues, along with any new epiphanies I have had on the subject.
As a female, I have had weight and health issues for as long as I can remember. In high school I didn't work out, I just accepted myself the way I was even though I wasn't perfect. Since then there has been college, marriage, babies, and all kinds of other issues. Most of you probably realize that I'm mentioning all these things because they often affect a person's physical well being. I have gained weight, and I have lost it. I have been happy, and I have been depressed.
This time last year I was on the fast track to great health. By summer I was in the best shape I had been in for years. I actually went out and bought a bathing suit. Then came: medications, vacations, holidays, birthdays; and the weight returned. Somehow the exercise and healthy eating that had made me feel so fantastic and energetic fell by the wayside. I could have gotten back on the band wagon pretty easily until we decided to home school. Once all the kids were home with me all day, I started getting depressed (another battle I have been fighting off and on for years). I just lost myself so easily. "I" became teacher, snot rag, kitchen slave. How I looked and felt DIDN'T MATTER to anyone else, so of course it stopped mattering to me. Once I realized what had happened, it was too late.

"Where am I? I don't want to fell this way! How can I get back what I was just a few short months ago?"

I stared to slip into that sad place of self loathing and indifference. I kept thinking, "If I don't like how I look right now, then why don't I feel really inspired to change?" And weeks went by, and my frustration grew. I couldn't get motivated, I wanted too so badly. I wanted to find the determination and motivation that came so easily just less than a year ago.But every time I couldn't find it in myself to change I got more and more sad, which equaled more and more food. "Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate, ACK!"
Then it dawned on me just a few days ago, I couldn't get motivated because I didn't like myself. I couldn't see the potential in myself. Why would I make sacrifices when it all seemed so futile?
So I did what any over thinking, analytical, introvert would do; I went to the library website to order about 10 books on health, fitness, diabetes, sugar, etc, with some cookbooks and work out DVDs thrown in for fun. (Remember, I would live at the library if I could)
So, for part II of the realization that didn't occur until after an very extended trip to the library: The Body Spirit Connection. I haven't been doing my bible study in almost 2 months!! I have dried up. I had been trying to figure out, aside from the things going on in my home, why I had been so down on myself. In fact, I was wondering why I was thinking about myself so much in the first place! That's actually kind of unlike me, I mean to be so self-obsessed and down right vain! When I was in good health I didn't really spend much time gazing in the mirror, or pondering how to make myself "happier". I exercised AND spent time with God everyday. I didn't need to second guess myself, and whether I was "good enough" for other people. I had such clarity in all areas of my life. So, this is the part where I go on a hunt for a devotional. I think I have decided to do one that I happened to already have on hand that is written to encourage "Homemakers". It just sounded wholesome, nutritious, and appealing; like comfort food!
So this is where I am today. One step at a time. I have given the fridge and pantry a little make-over, and I am ready to start fresh. This week is spring break, so I can be sure to have plenty of time for the things I NEED to do for me, with out worrying about home school and schedules. I think it will also help me to get out and about to do some quality things with the kids instead of hiding in my house.

Here is my list of goals for this week. I hope you are inspired to make some positive goals for yourself too.:
1) Spend time reading the bible, praying, or doing a devotional every day
2) Try some new recipes that are blood sugar conscious and healthy, but creative and tasty
3)Treat myself like I am worth it. Spend time doing thins like painting my nails, keeping those legs shaved, etc.
4)getting some exercise. I already know what works for me so I don't need to spend time hunting around. I hope to work out 3 days this week and do something "active like taking a walk outside on the other days.
5) Because I know what my triggers are and how to loose weight for my body type I tend to loose quickly when I follow the rules. 5lbs is a pretty realistic goal for me between today (Saturday) and Friday.

I want to get in shape because I'm so tired of being a "Debbie Downer". I want to be cheerful, and laugh , and enjoy my life, because I have so much to be thankful for. Spending time feeling sad for myself and allowing myself to wallow in cookies and sadness is a waste.

And thank you to Jillian Michaels, Jenny McCarthy, and C.S. Lewis for being the voice of wisdom and inspiration as you always are to me ;)