The Weekend in review:


Bryan is finally home. All week last week, while he was in Florida, I decided to have a "theme" for my week: "Empowering Grace". What does that mean? Well, recently I listened to some awesome teaching on the topic of grace. It was interesting to me, because the idea of grace coming from a God of the universe sounded ridiculous to me. Why? What does that even mean? Well, I'll let you do some research later if you are wondering the same thing, but one way that Christians, and only Christians who have the Holy Spirit, receive God's grace in the form of empowerment. That would be God allowing us to make it through difficult or impossible situations with out falling apart. That moment when you think "ok, I'm done, that's too much", that's when God's grace takes over the situation. It's kinda like that drive home late at night, and when you pull in the driveway you realize you don't even remember the last hour on the road....
So, knowing that I was going to be pulled in every direction through a VERY busy week with no daddy to come to the rescue at night, I decided I was going to choose to go into the week relying on "Empowering Grace".
To sum it all up, my week went perfectly well. Everyone was tired, but of course everyone was abnormally well behaved and larger amounts of housework were accomplished. I don't know what else to say, except you should try this sometime (optimally every day :)
Ok, so lots of other things have been going on. We're being tried financially, and in many other ways. We're taking things one step at a time. There are some things I don't talk about on my blog because I don't want to set it to private. But change seems to be on the horizon, AGAIN.
We are now attending services at Mars Hill, at the Federal Way campus. I have been talking about this for weeks, and probably driving everyone CRAZY. But seriously, it's good. Even if you aren't looking for a change or a church, I highly recommend clicking on the link I included here and just enjoying some good teaching.
Tah-dah! Happy Monday!

http://www.marshillchurch.org/media/religionsaves/grace

I have several friends that do regular "thankful" themed posts on Thursdays or other days of the week. I'm going to use that idea today to post a few things I am deeply thankful for this week.

1. Friends. Remember a few months ago when I wrote a post on "friendship" and different phases in life. So, it's not that anything has really "changed". I don't really have a bosom buddy or a bff. BUT, God has really put some awesome people in my life, in just the right areas, and just the right ways. I wouldn't be able to maintain a bff type relationship, and nor would I want to with a hubby, three kids, and home. I can't stretch much farther. SO instead over the past 6 months or so I have become aware of the friends I have, who also are in the same position, and have learned how to maintain some really healthy relationships with out feeling drained. Through this realization I have realized I really "love" some of these girls! You know what I mean. I miss them if I haven't seen them in a couple weeks, and I really love their interesting personalities and lives. If you are reading this and you are wondering if I'm talking about you, I probably am! ((hug))This is what friendship looks like during motherhood, CONGRATULATIONS! haha

2. My husband. I always love him, but right now I am so proud of him and blah blah blah. I'm not good with the mushy love stuff. But you when you see real growth in your spouse, as a person, AND as a Christian it is sooooo wonderful. (no I'm not trying to say he had maturity problems before, but we got married at 19 for peet sakes)

3. My kids. They are... I dunno, I'm pretty affluent (ha! I meant "affluent with words!" when I went back and read this I laughed cause I'm broke as a joke!) but I can't think of a word to go here. Bryan has been in Florida all week, and not once have I wished to be aways from the homschool, potty training, fussing, and fiascoes. I have been able to really see them clearly this week. I'm TOTALLY exhausted, and completely awake and energized at the same time.

4. The most important one I saved for last. So anyone who is still reading and wants to know WHY in the world I'm so chipper, here it is. I have given up "religion". I mean it. It wasn't right for me. I have left all the rules behind and decided that I want to live my life differently. "What?" "Really?", you're thinking.
Jesus did not come to earth to give us rules, he came here to take all the man made rules, bureaucracy, legalism, hypocrisy, and Pharisaical crap and shove it right back in the face of man and Satan (the one who wants to use rules and bs to scare you away from Jesus). I am so happy because I have chosen to stop going through with "commitments", "rituals", and "superstition" that had nothing to do with the man Jesus or anything that he stood for. So I'm back to basics. I don't want anyone to think that I am saying that the church I belonged to or other churches like it were "wrong" or evil in anyway, but I think Satan was using the repetition, shallowness, and circular thought patterns that were lacking in biblical study and deeper thinking, to make me tired, let down, bored, and distracted. So there it is, you heard it here first. I'm done. And what I have already planted in place of that mess is totally changing me. Change is really scary even when it's good, but man you would not believe the stuff that has been happening around me since I made this commitment. People around me are changing, acting crazy, and weird stuff is happening. Love you guys, and I hope you have already experienced this at some point in your life. If you haven't I hope you start doing your own research. Listen to that voice, and that feeling in the pit of your stomach. Life on earth can be so much better.

I feel different. I mean, I really feel different. I hadn't been doing a consistent "bible study" in while. On top of it we have been doing some searching as far as finding a new church home. God kept calling me back to a certain place. I spent MONTHS waiting for Bryan to start coming around. He was just so blah for a while. Then one day, through nothing that had anything to do with me, he started investigating this church online (the same one I had been thinking about). We started listening to the sermons that are available online together. Then I started listening to them every morning,and during the kids nap time. We happen to have some friends we love that already attend this church, and when we told them we will be there next weekend (when Bryan gets home)and would like to visit their community group, they're happy response has only made it that much more natural.
I'm SO happy Bryan and I are both growing as people again and God has really lead us in the same direction. I'm so so so glad for how different I am feeling inside because of how much I have been learning. There was nothing "wrong" with the church we were attending before, but we were getting ZERO out of being there. It just wasn't right anymore. After trying to make it work for about a year we were both just getting farther away from God, His will, joy, and so much more. I was so on fire just less than a year ago, but I was so starved that all I could do was try to make it through each day.
I don't want to talk about the names of the churches, because I'm not trying to promote anything. I'm just saying that if you are tired, bored, complacent, etc in your spiritual growth; maybe it's because you need more. Man can not live on milk alone.
As a result of all this, I have noticed that I have been a much more purposeful mother. I have been more cheerful and content. I have been able to keep my house clean (yes ladies there is a connection there).
While Bryan is gone this week, my goal is to stay focused, keep learning, keep up the clean house, and spend some time in quiet (he was home for a record 6 weeks strait and I was going crazy). And get lots of exercise (which I will be needing lots of prayer for)
This is gonna be a revival.

Back in Business

We had a nice long spring break from bookwork and most homeschool stuff. We relaxed, spent time enjoying each other's company, and also attending some meetings with the school to plan for next year.
Now break is over, and it's time to pull up our bootstraps. I'm guessing we will have about 11 weeks of school left before we're ready to go into summer mode, but it really depends on the pace we keep. Aiden has one more phonics book, which he just started today, that he needs to finish. Also I want to reach our goal of over 50 sight words (we use flash cards) so that he will well exceed the Kindergarten expectations. Once we have done those things we will still work on reading and phonics through the summer, because if he should return to public school at all he would be well ahead of the expectations. He struggled to keep up in the reading/writing areas in the past, so being on par would be a great step in the right direction.
Spring has really arrived at our house, rain and all. We worked on our back yard all week. We're almost done with our little patio makeover. My parents recently sold their house and have downsized between their two condos. We are inheriting a FABULOUS natural gas grill, patio furniture, lots of potted plants, landscaping tools, and more. We are so excited to have the outdoor living space we always fantasized about. I am soooo stoked to start my summer cooking and grilling, and have a very pleasant place to entertain friends on summer evenings. Thank you so much mom and dad.
On a similarly related note, we will be having a garage sale including my parents extra furniture, some of our extra stuff, and things from our neighbors in our culdesac. If you are into garage saling come check us out. It will be next weekend, Friday and Saturday. Or if you have things to sell just let me know, we are happy to include anyone.
As a product of helping my parents out with this garage sale we will be inheriting their washer and dryer set and getting rid of ours, so if that is something you need let me know.
Again, on a somewhat related note, we are also getting a big garage fridge/refrigerator from my parents. I am sooooo excited because it has completely changed the way I grocery shop. I have been able to stock up on things I didn't have room for before. All those tips I have gotten from my awesome bargain shopping friends are finally paying off!! Thank you thank you Missy http://www.areyouthere-god.com/ and Jen www.thriftynorthwestmom.com and so many other ladies who post your awesome shopping adventures. So if you are wondering what I've been doing? No, I'm not a pro yet, and I'm not particularly organized with my coupons, BUT I have been using fliers to plan my shopping ahead of time. I go to at least three different stores and get what I would usually get, but only where it's on sale. Our meals have gotten so much better! I have been getting some great deals on meat and am ready for the grill. It's been fun. Three cheers for bogos!!!
Ok, so thats about all the info I plan to overload you all with today. As the weather improves I hope for some playdates, some gardening, and a grand finale to this backyard project. Happy Monday :)

First off, I had several comments here and otherwise from ladies asking for more info on the bible study I'm starting. I've only done the first section, so if it stinks I wouldn't know yet, but here's the info:

"Homemaking", Nurturing your family in todays world.
by Tjitske Lemstra and Baukje Doornenbal (Tjitske is from Holland and Baukje is from the Netherlands)
Navpress is the publisher, www.navpress.com

I ordered it, probably from the publisher along with several other studies, a few years ago. I just keep things like that on hand for the times I haven't been participating in the one at church.

An overview of the study would be that it is about encouraging women to A) Recognize why her role in the home IS IMPORTANT, and that it is important to God
B)To help women reconnect with their inner selves, and personality, after the feeling of be "lost" in her role as homemaker. If anyone chooses to to it to we could always have a get together when we are done to share what we learned, etc. Otherwise, I hope this is helpful info.

So, as for today, Tuesday March 30, I didn't want to get out of bed. Something today has me so bound up and anxious. I have a meeting with a healthcare advocate who may be able to get us the healthcare we need, especially for Aiden, but obviuosly for us as a family. All the changes in the system are so confusing to me right now. I realize that on the whole, the Christian community is very upset with the bill that was passed, and that it requires all to have healthcare, therefore taking away our right to choose.
BUT (and please don't be angry, I'm just being honest) after all the medical issues we have had to deal with this past year, and running out of money to give our children the care that they need, I maybe a little hopeful. I'm hoping that the changes will make it possible for families like ours, who aren't poor enough for medicaid, but not rich enough for the $400 per month healthcare offered through Bryan's work, to recieve healthcare we can afford. We shouldn't have to choose between putting food on the table and being able to go to the doctor. The amount of money the hospital was allowed to charge us ON TOP of what our insurance was paying was cripling us, and could have cost us our place to live. For years Bryan and I have marveled at how the health care in other countries is FREE to tax paying citizens! I don't think this damages their constitutional rights. In fact as a member of this coutry its something that I always though should kinda be "included". I realize that the people who have more will have to pay more, and that they worked really hard to get to where they are, and that it's not "fair" that they should have to pay for some family of a guy who didn't go to college or whatever. But look here, when there are people, children, babies, and grandparents who are suffering and you never even tried to help, even though you worked really hard for the money you have, God is still gonna ask you "why?" when you get to heaven, and you won't be able to hide behind that cash when you get there. It's a sad day when the goevernment has to force it's people to share something like healthcare. It's not a want, it's a need.
Ok, I know that may be all ignorance, assumption, and left-wingedism (which I am not). But in the light of this meeting I am having today, I can't help turning it over in my mind over and over. I am always against more "laws", we don't need them and they take away from the rights of the majority, etc etc. BUT isn't healthcare something that should have already been protected in our basic rights a long time ago? TAKE THE CONTROL AWAY FROM THE INSURANCE COMPANIES AND THE PHARMESUTICAL COMPANIES. Does our advancment in technology go down, maybe, but we'll all die someday no matter what. Do I think that too much technology takes away from our true quality of life, yes I do. The system is defective and must be changed, and it's going to hurt. But the power was already in the wrong hands. So, my solution is to pray that over the years and years it will take for real change to happen in this arena, that the change will be to benefit even "the least of us". Jesus would have wnated that drug addict to have healthcare.

The Skinny on being Fat

Hello there, blogger friends. Over the past couple years that I have had this blog I have been trying to define in my mind what this blog is about. When it all gets laid out on the table, I'd say it's pretty eclectic. I have my blog that is strictly for "writing", bu this one is always just about whatever is going on in my life at the time. I also go through phases where I don't want to write at all. Or times when I continually revisit the same issues over, and over, and over (sorry).
So today I'm in to mood to revisit one of those old issues, along with any new epiphanies I have had on the subject.
As a female, I have had weight and health issues for as long as I can remember. In high school I didn't work out, I just accepted myself the way I was even though I wasn't perfect. Since then there has been college, marriage, babies, and all kinds of other issues. Most of you probably realize that I'm mentioning all these things because they often affect a person's physical well being. I have gained weight, and I have lost it. I have been happy, and I have been depressed.
This time last year I was on the fast track to great health. By summer I was in the best shape I had been in for years. I actually went out and bought a bathing suit. Then came: medications, vacations, holidays, birthdays; and the weight returned. Somehow the exercise and healthy eating that had made me feel so fantastic and energetic fell by the wayside. I could have gotten back on the band wagon pretty easily until we decided to home school. Once all the kids were home with me all day, I started getting depressed (another battle I have been fighting off and on for years). I just lost myself so easily. "I" became teacher, snot rag, kitchen slave. How I looked and felt DIDN'T MATTER to anyone else, so of course it stopped mattering to me. Once I realized what had happened, it was too late.

"Where am I? I don't want to fell this way! How can I get back what I was just a few short months ago?"

I stared to slip into that sad place of self loathing and indifference. I kept thinking, "If I don't like how I look right now, then why don't I feel really inspired to change?" And weeks went by, and my frustration grew. I couldn't get motivated, I wanted too so badly. I wanted to find the determination and motivation that came so easily just less than a year ago.But every time I couldn't find it in myself to change I got more and more sad, which equaled more and more food. "Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate, ACK!"
Then it dawned on me just a few days ago, I couldn't get motivated because I didn't like myself. I couldn't see the potential in myself. Why would I make sacrifices when it all seemed so futile?
So I did what any over thinking, analytical, introvert would do; I went to the library website to order about 10 books on health, fitness, diabetes, sugar, etc, with some cookbooks and work out DVDs thrown in for fun. (Remember, I would live at the library if I could)
So, for part II of the realization that didn't occur until after an very extended trip to the library: The Body Spirit Connection. I haven't been doing my bible study in almost 2 months!! I have dried up. I had been trying to figure out, aside from the things going on in my home, why I had been so down on myself. In fact, I was wondering why I was thinking about myself so much in the first place! That's actually kind of unlike me, I mean to be so self-obsessed and down right vain! When I was in good health I didn't really spend much time gazing in the mirror, or pondering how to make myself "happier". I exercised AND spent time with God everyday. I didn't need to second guess myself, and whether I was "good enough" for other people. I had such clarity in all areas of my life. So, this is the part where I go on a hunt for a devotional. I think I have decided to do one that I happened to already have on hand that is written to encourage "Homemakers". It just sounded wholesome, nutritious, and appealing; like comfort food!
So this is where I am today. One step at a time. I have given the fridge and pantry a little make-over, and I am ready to start fresh. This week is spring break, so I can be sure to have plenty of time for the things I NEED to do for me, with out worrying about home school and schedules. I think it will also help me to get out and about to do some quality things with the kids instead of hiding in my house.

Here is my list of goals for this week. I hope you are inspired to make some positive goals for yourself too.:
1) Spend time reading the bible, praying, or doing a devotional every day
2) Try some new recipes that are blood sugar conscious and healthy, but creative and tasty
3)Treat myself like I am worth it. Spend time doing thins like painting my nails, keeping those legs shaved, etc.
4)getting some exercise. I already know what works for me so I don't need to spend time hunting around. I hope to work out 3 days this week and do something "active like taking a walk outside on the other days.
5) Because I know what my triggers are and how to loose weight for my body type I tend to loose quickly when I follow the rules. 5lbs is a pretty realistic goal for me between today (Saturday) and Friday.

I want to get in shape because I'm so tired of being a "Debbie Downer". I want to be cheerful, and laugh , and enjoy my life, because I have so much to be thankful for. Spending time feeling sad for myself and allowing myself to wallow in cookies and sadness is a waste.

And thank you to Jillian Michaels, Jenny McCarthy, and C.S. Lewis for being the voice of wisdom and inspiration as you always are to me ;)

Here it comes. Tomorrow is our first IEP meeting with the school since taking Aiden out, back in January. They have stopped pressuring me to bring him back immidiately once they did some testing and saw how much he had improved at home. I think they look at me and think "young, impetuous, pierced up mom. probly ignorant too." So I have actually made some efforts to dispell those negative assumptions. We're getting there.
So here is the part where I'm really torn. To keep Aiden home full time or put him back as a kindergardener. He tested well above all the kindergarden expectations, which sets him up for accademic success next year as a first grader. He is also closer to the maturity level of kindergarden. It would be good practice and help him get "into the swing" of things again. BUT there is a part of me that will never entirely trust the schools with the education of any of my children. I will always want it to be to my specs, or not at all. Aiden would benefit from the professional help, and social time of being in school at least part-time. BUT he is doing pretty well for now with the learning style he gets at home. I also appreciate that he isn't being exposed to outside influences and bullying. BUT there is a chance that being one of the older and mare advanced kids in the class would minimalize some of this.
I could go on. The debate in my mind is seemingly endless. No perfect solution. And the truth, when I'm being open and honest, it that I can't go on with full time homeschool forever. I have drained all of my personal time and energy to benefit ONE of my three children. There are days when I think about the quality of "preschool" education the babies are getting and I feel so frustrated. They deserve the same advantages Aiden had when he was little. They still REALLY need me.
So there it is. Where love and compassion meet the limits of energy and the physical body.