what if I say I'm not like the others...

Here is another post when I am going to be very open and honest about my feelings because that's how God has made me (for whatever his purpose is, I don't know). I don't share personal details in my blogs that would damage or hurt other people in my life, but I will disclose that there is someone in my life right now that God is allowing to test my ability to love. It's very complicated, and sad. What I am going to share is my personal feelings on difficulty and struggle, and hopefully they will be encouraging to someone else this when they read it.

Remember the poem about the footprints in the sand? It is a beautiful poem, and true in a way about leaning on Christ for strength. However, we can do all things who Christ who strengthens us, including stand on our own two feet in times of stress and difficulty. I have made a choice several years ago, that when difficulty/tragedy/stress comes that I am going to be "different" from the rest of the world. I am going to continue to choose joy and praise. There will be times when I feel angry, sad, or hurt, but I am still going to give those times to Christ for His glory. I literally stop and tell myself, "don't let Satan have this, this situation, this life of mine... it always belongs to Jesus". It's a conscious decision, and when we don't choose Christ and we stay in our own personal suffering we aren't honoring God. As soon as I directly give my sorrow (and I will still probably feel sad or hurt) to Christ I am empowered, and I know that there is purpose and healing there. He will always help me take a stand.

So if any of you are struggling with something right now I challenge you to choose who your circumstances belong to, who are you doing it for. It's very hard to worry or crumble when you are flying the banner of Jesus.

"Lord, today I beg you for strength and wisdom. Help me to say and do the right things. Give me supernatural love. Amen.'

"... what if I say I'll never surrender..."

Congradulations to me

We are officially not having anymore kids. Moving on to a new phase in life. Farewell condom and pregnancy test isle... it was fun.

hey nonny nonny

I must announce today that as of February 1st I am having our home Internet disconnected. We have an air card on the laptop, but I don't like to use it as it is super slow and annoying. I will still have my email address and will blog and email from Starbucks and my mom's. My cell phone number will also be the same. So if you don't have any of those things now is the time to let me know so I can get them to ya. Part of this decision came from the fact that we are moving, but we aren't planning on reconnecting right away because Internet is a "want" not a "need". So we'll probably hook it up eventually, but I can't say when. So I will probably get a blog out once or twice a week after this week.
So we are still on a mission to find beds for the boys. After some thinking we have decided both the boys need twin size beds in the new house, toddler beds aren't big enough. I think a couple people mentioned having beds or frames, sorry I didn't make note at the time, so if anyone has twin beds to get rid of please let me know, preferably by email because I keep track of that better. So here I am again making a list of items we are looking for because we will buy what we have to but would rather buy from a friend, or find things on loan.
- 2 twin beds
- fridge
- washer and dryer
- dining room table and chairs to seat 6

So ya, moving is getting closer and closer but we have a couple adventures we have to survive first.
(Warning: TMI ahead)
Bryan is having a little "operation" tomorrow. He seems more excited than scared. So this is the official end to our child bearing years. although it is hard to imagine never going through pregnancy and birth again (because it is all I have done the past 6 years) I am excited about moving on.
I am considering taking on a little side job as a wine consultant. It would be from home, and I would do wine tastings for people's parties. Just something I have been considering, more for the social outlet then to sell anything.
I'm also thinking about going back to school next year, just online at first. I think I know what I want to do but I have changed my mind so many times. I'm not ready to talk about it out loud yet, I have to think about it a little more first.

In the beginning of February Bryan is heading back to Virginia with another boat. Then when he comes back... we move, and Aiden's birthday!

So I'm going to try to post pics and things the next few days before I loose touch with civilization. Oh boy.

"Lord, thank you for days when I wake up in a good mood for no reason. There are always stressful things going on in life, but I would rather allow you to fill me up with joy then be taken over by anxiety. Help me to have patience with all the little people I have at home today. Help Bryan to get over this wretched cold he's had. Thank you for today, Wednesday January 28th, 2009. Amen."

Worth the weight

Cute, huh?

It finally hit me. I hate post pregnancy baby weight. Really. I am making an appointment to go get my hair done, and it feels so pointless. I keep thinking "my hair isn't the problem". I am working really hard to relax. I had a baby 4 weeks ago.
I am just disappointed with how far I still am from my pre pregnancy weight. I though that because I was fit to start, and didn't gain over the recommended amount that I would end up at a better number. I have 2 more weeks until I'm allowed to return to full physical activity. I miss working out. I'm a little nervous about trying to go back to my squeaky clean eating habits. I didn't cut carbs as long as I was preggo, so I will have to kick the habit all over again. Exciting/scary. Anyone interested in teaming up let me know, but let me warn you I take it seriously and if you buddy up with me expect me to hound you night and day.

Sweet... I got tagged

I got tagged by Sarah G to tell 25 random things about myself. 25 sounds like kinda a lot, but here goes:

1) I grew up in Texas, and had to ditch my accent when I moved here, because I got made fun of.

2) I like piercings and am going to be getting another soon (brace yourselves) and it's probably the only "wild" thing about me.

3) I have no tattoos (although Bryan has enough for the both of us)

4) I have 4 kids; Aiden Conner, ~Nolan Michael~, Jackson Cash, and Lucy Clover

5) Bryan and I lived in San Fransisco when we were first married (it was pretty awesome)

6) I like to exercise, and I really miss it right now. Only 2 1/2 more weeks.

7) I recently had a c-section, it was a pretty cool experience.

8) I have lived in Indiana, Kentucky, Texas, WA, Cali, and New York (twice)

9) My favorite singers/bands are: Pink Floyd, Cold Play, HIM, and Beethoven

10) One of my kids has Autism

11) One of my kids died of Potter's Syndrome (due to bi-lateral renal agenisis)

12) 2 of my kids have unfused zyphoid processes

13) My favorite movies are: most things made by the Coen brothers, most things by Kevin Smith, and most things BBC (that's not very narrow is it?)

14) I don't really like pets (I know it sounds mean, but I can't help it)

15) My favorite colors are black and red

16) I went to Washington State University (but dropped out to get married)

17) It is almost impossible to embarrass me

18) I love Guiness (in moderation of course)

19) I like to paint and refinish furniture

20) Currently my favorite tv shows are 30 Rock and Northern Exposure

21) I can play the piano (although I am probably VERY rusty)

22) My favorite clothing labels are Betsy Johnson and Lamb

23) I accepted Jesus in my heart when I was 4

24) Bryan and I got married when we were 19, we just had our 7th wedding anniversary and have been a couple for a 9 years this June.

25) I have seen Laser Floyd

When I right these lists I am reminded how strange my life is. God was being very artistic (in a Picasso sort of way) when he made me.

Jessica, Sarah M, and Michelle... tag.

God is with me on the mountain, and in the Sumner Valley

YES!! We are moving February 20th! I am so excited about this. It's really an answer to prayer. I feel so blessed right now. Daily life has been pretty stressful lately, but not with out it's rewards. God has really put the right house in the right place at the right time. The only packing we will have to do is what we have here, everything else is in storage. It's been funny, since we last walked through the house we have been trying to remember what we have. Moving is going to be like Christmas all over, except it is going to be stuff we already have. I already mentioned there are a few things we are looking for, so now I'm praying that those things all fall into place. (some of you have already mentioned that you have those items)
This has been an interresting season in my life. I hope I have learned something from it. I think I have but... it's been difficult. I am sure that all the hard work of becoming debt free is going to pay off, especially with the economy in this low state.
So, now to change the subject: here is the latest on Aiden. I haven't really talked about him in a while. Partly because there was just so much other stuff going on. Also because he hit a real low just after Christmas, it was pretty depressing for me. His 6th birthday is quickly approaching, and there have been so many days when I cried and wished he was really going to be "6". I guess I had some days that it just got a little too painful to talk about. I worry about him. I fear that his behavior and differences from other kids may be catching up socially. I hate the thought of my smart, funny, sweet little boy being ostrisized by other kids. I am afraid other people won't see what we see in him, and he will continually be sold short in life. I also worry that when he is older he will start to notice the way other people view him, and I fear he could someday become depressed. Although, these are really just my fears, because in reality Aiden gets along with everyone he meet. People may not understand him, but they are often drawn to him. H is willing to try things and meet new people with out fear. He often gets other kids in trouble because they mimic him.
So that's it for now. I guess it's not really an interresting post, but at least things are going well. I don't like to try to be a "martyr", but really we've had a run of bad luck... for several years. And it had a pretty interresting start, but that's a whole other post.

Post Partum Intellegencer

This could be our new home. Still waiting to hear the final word. Probably find out today (thought it would be yesterday).

So I decided I could blog about life post partum with three kids. I like having three kids. It is the right number for us. In my opinion adding a third has been much easier than adding the second. I was really caught off guard by my pregnancy and it took me a while to adjust. I had just lost so much weight before getting pregnant I was sad about gaining it back. However, being in pretty good shape beforehand is really paying off now. I did gain about 30lbs. But now I am only 12 lbs over my before weight. It took much longer to get close with the other kids, and the numbers were higher to begin with. Wearing normal jeans is nice.
I'm not as hardcore about breast feeding either. I'm having trouble making enough milk. I'm just gonna play that one by ear.
She is a pretty good sleeper. I think she will sleep through the night when she has her own room. I anyone has monitor they wouldn't mind loaning out for a couple months please let me know. I really don't want to buy one.
We're going to take it easy this week aside from going to MOPS. Despite the last couple weeks we are doing pretty good. "no, Superman does good. You do well." (sorry, I couldn't help it. i can't resist a Tracy Jordan quote. Holler to all the 30 Rock fans out there!)

Here is a little list of things we are looking to buy, or if anyone can loan them that would be great (very gently used or new only) We could probably get them off Craislist, but would pay a friend before paying a stranger:

2 toddler or twin size beds (preferably matching or they will fight)
baby monitor
permanent or mounting baby gate
refridgerator
washer and dryer

So yes, we may end up getting this stuff new or off craigslist, but we have until Feb 20th (if everything goes through) So any leads are appreciated!

So what's next

This is a picture of the house in New York that was ours until a few days ago. Bitter sweet. It was a great season in our life when we lived there. It was a difficult season trying to sell it.



So we are finally all home from the hospital. Lucy is doing really well, and the boys are recovering also. Bryan was sick while he was in Texas. His trip ended up being really long, over 10 days. They finally let him come home when Lucy wasn't doing well. The past few weeks have been so crazy. We have survived a flood, Bryan being gone, my grandma's pneumonia, Lucy's hospital stay, and soooo many things that have come along as well. It has all been pretty tough emotionally for everyone, especially the boys. Aiden has been a little off, and not functioning as well has he was a couple months ago.
So our latest news is that it looks like we are going to be moving. The date is February 20th. We are waiting for the final word on that sometime today. Bonney Lake here we come. So I am praying that everything will continue to fall in to place. We have been praying for God's timing in finding a place to live for so long. This house came out of nowhere. We weren't really planning on looking seriously for a few more weeks. Bryan was gone when I found the house, so I had to initialize the whole process myself. it was hard to make such a large judgement call with out Bryan. I won't tell the whole story in detail about the timing in finding his house, but I really feel like God was preparing me to face this big decision.
So that is most of what is going on with us right now. I try to enjoy every moment while Lucy is a newborn, I know it won't last long. ON the other hand I always forget how delicate and frustrating newbies can be (an she isn't even that fussy).
I am tired, a little overwhelmed, a little impatient, and I mostly just feel blessed.
"Thank you Lord for all of it. Difficulty can even be enjoyable because it brings me closer to you. Amen."

Please Pray

Please pray for our Lucky Clover. She's in the hospital with RSV, they are trying to prevent phneumonia. Please don't call our phones right now, there is too much going on. I will post an update when I have time.
-Mandi

Is this some kind of bootcamp?

I think the plan was this... we stick her with 3 kids. An infant, a kid with Asbergers, and the last will be in his terrible twos. Then we're going to take her husband away for two weeks. During those two weeks it's going to flood, her kids will get sick (and this will involve vomit, she needs to buy a house, and we are going to make sure she does it all on her own! By the time it's over she will be ready for regular day to day life with three kids and she won't ever feel like complaining again.
So the status on the house is we have all our papers in and we are waiting for approval. We are hoping to know on Monday. I guess it could be sooner, but it from what I understand this finance guy is quite a stickler. I feel pretty confident about things right now, the agent was really positive about things.
On a only slightly different subject; ya know how sometimes when you have already braced yourself for the worst, and then something really nice happens you suddenly realize you weren't trusting or listening to God. For example, I had to print out our credit reports. I obviously won't tell you my credit score, but the point is I had already prepared myself for something terrible. Things really do work together for good for those who are trust/love God.

House of wax

Don't be fooled that because I haven't been posting that my life hasen't been interresting. It's been CRAZY! Anyone out there who is thinking about having a third baby talk to me first. I highly recomend it, but there are some warnings and advisories too.
Anyway, so I have two stories/events to tell you about today.
The first is probably the funniest most embarassing thing that has ever happened to me (next to that toot that slipped out during story time in 4th grade). Yesterday I decided I had had enough of my scarey eye brows that had not been groomed since before miss Lucy was born. Normally in this situation I would head to the salon and get a pro to do it. However that just sounded rediculous, taking 3 kids into the salon, ha. So I went to Target and got some wax and strips and went home to take care of it myself. Long story short... hot wax spilled all over my right eye, leaving me short a few lashes and HALF AN EYEBROW!!! Thank goodness for makeup. I look like a pirate or a broadway performer. Vanity.
The next story is much more "important" and I would love all of your prayer. We found a house. We just started looking, and I admit we have been really nervous about this move for so many reasons I will relate at another time. But I must admit, I think God really showed me this house. I always feel nervous about claiming to know the mind of God, but there was so many arrows pointing to this. The flood, school issues, family issues (and maybe some deterioration in our current situation), bills that suddenly got paid, Bryan's raise (Hallelujuah!!!). And then I found this house, and thought it was a bait and switch because it was too good to be true.
Well I have the application in hand today, and have a lot of work to do to get it done with Bryan all the way in Texas. PLEASE pray for us. We want to walk in God's will so strongly, we know what happens if we don't. It's like everything else in life, we can't do it with out Him (have you seen "Prince Caspian"?)

"Lord, bless this day with peace and productivity. Lord, help me to find peace in knowing that you will be in control of this change in my life. My family needs your presence just as we always do. My prayer today, also, is that if this house is not meant to be that we won't get approved, as apinful as that would be. Help me to put all my wordly and material desires aside and focus on what you want me to do next. Amen."

Too Posh to Push (Lucy's birth story)

I have been trying to write this post for days, but the pain meds just wouldn't let me. I'm finally able to get up and around with out them, and I am so glad because I couldn't stay awake before.
So I guess the story begins the evening of the 29th when we made a late night trip to labor and delivery because of some strange bleeding. They basically sent me home because I wasn't contracting, and I was pretty ticked because they didn't seem at all concerned about anything else. I mentioned to them that the baby had been changing positions and the doc wanted them to check her position if I ever came in. They ignored that.
So the next morning I went in to see Finley as scheduled. I told him about everything that went on the night before. He did an ultrasound and there she was, sideways with her head up under my ribs. I'm not really sure how long she had been that way. So now we had a problem. This plus the bleeding made for a rather precarious situation. So the solution was cesarean A.S.A.P. They tried to get us in for later that afternoon but the hospital was so busy. So I had an appointment for eight o'clock the next morning.
December 30th, 2008, we arrived at St Joseph's at six am as instructed. They hooked me up to the IV and my family showed up by 7:30. At eight it was show time. I wasn't nervous to begin with, although this whole experience was foreign to me. They gave me the spinal and I laid down on the table. That's when the only "unpleasant" part of the experience came in. I was so numb I couldn't feel myself breathing. It felt like I was forcing each breath. Then the nausea hit. It took about 5 minutes of heaving and panic before whatever the anesthesiologist put in the iv took effect and everything mellowed out. Then Bryan came in. He looked pretty nervous. Poor guy stopped at every bathroom on our way through the hospital so I was a little worried about him.
I don't really know what point they started. Bryan and I were just chatting nervously while the doctors did their thing. They had to work pretty hard to get her out, she was really stuck.
At 8:25 am Lucy Clover was born feet first, she weighed 7 lbs 12oz, and she was 20 1/4in long.
She was the best birthday present I ever got! Happy birthday to me and to Lucy! How many mom's get to share a birthday with their only daughter? It was so special.
Recovery went well. We were released on New Year's Day. What a way to start a new year.

my 100th post

December 30th
Happy Birthday to me
and Happy Birthday to Lucy Clover





I will tell the whole story and add pictures tomorrow