2010:

1) So this is (for me) a pretty major announcement. Next fall, Bryan and I have decided that Aiden is going to start homeschooling. I am excited, scared, overwhelmed, and so many other feelings. Our world and schedule is going to change. Hopefully for the better. We have never been a particularly "home school minded" family, but we have always said we would do whatever we felt was best for each child. In Aiden's case public school is generally the opposite of what he needs in every way. I personally enjoyed my public school experience and still feel that it will be a good fit for Jack in a couple years. Aiden learns differently and we are going to give him what he needs. He has also fallen SO far behind. We will actually be starting over with Kindergarten curriculum first semester (he would be in second grade in the fall).
This is going to be a new challenge and after having him home for break, which I thought was going to be a huge struggle, I find that God has really motivated my heart to do this.

2)I want to go back to school. I can't even tell you how much I want to finish school. However it gives me the same fear and anxiety I feel about Aiden's school next year. But I think it's time. I'm going to be making a trip to Pierce soon to find out about my transcripts and see if they offer what I need. I also need prayer in this area because I'm not sure exactly what I want to study or how far I should take it. I know that I want to take more English classes, which leads to my next 2010 goal....

3) I want to start writing so badly, but I feel unequipped, and exhausted by my noise house. I know God is going to provide a solution (which for now the answer was "go back to school") I also need to start saving up to buy myself a cheap little laptop, so when I actually start school I will be able to handle the work load along with life at home.

4)This one is painful... I'm still having a hard time talking about it. But after much prayer and advice from Bryan, I have to drop one of my MOPS groups next year. It's just too much, and along with school(s) something has to give. I am going to continue ministry in the evening MOPS, we are making great strides and I think it will best work with my family schedule. It's just tough because I LOVE my morning group, and have become so attached to the women there. ((sigh)) ok, don't really want to talk about that anymore.

5)This one is hard to pinpoint, and it probably has something to do with the beginning of a new year, but God is stirring my heart right now. Things have been quiet, almost stagnant for a while. I haven't been motivated and my focus has often been selfish. Although I think if may have been necessary to have a few blah months before getting amped up for something new. Something exciting is on the horizon.
"Runners keep on running..."

Welcome 2010, and it looks like I'll have a whole new lot of things to blog about. Yay! Happy New Year!

AND, I almost forgot. Here is a challange for some of you who enjoy quiet time and prayer everyday, or for someone who is looking to "spice up" your prayer life. For over a year now I have been covering my head when I pray and study

1Corinthians 3-10
3Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. 4Every man who prays or prophesies with his head covered dishonors his head. 5And every woman who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head—it is just as though her head were shaved. 6If a woman does not cover her head, she should have her hair cut off; and if it is a disgrace for a woman to have her hair cut or shaved off, she should cover her head. 7A man ought not to cover his head,[b] since he is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man. 8For man did not come from woman, but woman from man; 9neither was man created for woman, but woman for man. 10For this reason, and because of the angels, the woman ought to have a sign of authority on her head.

Interresting, hmm? So anyway, try it and see what you think. What I can say is that it has changed my prayer life. And my kids got used to seeing me with a pashmina over my head really quickly :)

Birthday Buddy

Happy birthday Lucy Clover, and happy birthday me.

Mandi's Decade of Favorite Things

1) Starbucks

2) Having babies

3) Being blonde

4) Arrested Development

5) Laura Mercier tinted moisturizer

6) The Sounds

7) black

8) emo kids bagging my groceries

9) texting

10) getting married (Jan. 5 2002)

11) homemade/boutique baby items

12) my iPod

13) Deadwood

14) Harry Potter



15) MOPS

16) Hawaii (twice, 2001 and 2009)

17) reading (something I didn't do from 2000-2004, but remembered how awesome it is in 2005)

18) Chevy's

19) Twilight

20) reconnecting with old friends

21) The Legend of Zelda, Windwaker

22) red wine

23) Besty Johnson

24) the library

25) The Tutors

26) C.S.Lewis

27) having an espresso maker at home

28) Main St, Sumner

29) Jenny Macarthy

30) Fuego

31) "30 Rock"

32) Christmas shopping trips to downtown with my mom

33) my silly children

34) No Doubt concerts

35) salted carmel

36) washer and dryer

37) black nail polish (in a Chanel kind of way and not a goth kind of way)

38) living near family

39) wine pairings

40) whole milk (0 carbs)

Happy birthday, my baby boy

Three years ago today, my 3rd son Jackson Cash, was born.
There was a time I didn't think I was doing to have more children, and that the loss of Nolan Michael would leave my arms empty and longing for another baby and a brother for my little Aiden.
God had other plans... he had Jack.
He is so sweet and charming. He is indeed the peacemaker and the quiet one, but he is also brave and so funny. He often reminds me of myself, and as every mother knows, that is so precious. He likes everything and everyone, but he doesn't do things for attention and is often the one to sneak off and go to bed during a party or playdate. He also has model good looks (says his mother).
Happy birthday Jack-Jack.

sugar-coma

I am laying here in bed, about to slip into a coma from all the sugar and Christmas carbs I have eaten the past few days, and I am thinking about how nice it will feel to work out tonight (after I wake up from my coma). So, to all my shredding and skinny jeans friends...
Please be thinking about some new year goals you would like to make for your self. This is a great time to make a clean break from all those bad eating habits. Go ahead and enjoy the rest of your holiday, obviously I am.

Ugh, I ate thirds of the cheesy potatoes, and now I'm regretting so many things.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Merry Merry Christmas!

How are you planning to spend your Christmas? Are you stressed out? Over scheduled? Or maybe lonely and wondering why everyone else in the world is so happy.

What is "Christmas"?

"The word Christmas originated as a compound meaning "Christ's Mass". It is derived from the Middle English Christemasse and Old English Cristes mæsse, a phrase first recorded in 1038.[6] "Cristes" is from Greek Christos and "mæsse" is from Latin missa (the holy mass). In Greek, the letter Χ (chi), is the first letter of Christ, and it, or the similar Roman letter X, has been used as an abbreviation for Christ since the mid-16th century.[13] Hence, Xmas is often used as an abbreviation for Christmas." -Wikipedia (please see here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christmas for more)

It has taken several years of Christmases to finally stop spending our family into a hole every year. Gifts gifts gifts. My dream Christmas is one where ALL the gifts, even for the kids, are home made. Gifts that are sewn, woven, carved, grown, baked, and full of love. Christmas reminds me every year how all our modern technology has sucked and drained the simplicity and contentment out of living. Children often require lights, sounds, batteries, and lots of big huge boxes to be satisfied; it's what their peers get and what the media is telling them they should have!
Wouldn't it be so fun to fill a stocking with oranges, peppermint sticks, and paper dolls knowing that your little one is going to be thrilled at the loot!
I know, I know, Christmas is not about the gifts or the getting, but don't these things have something in common with the true meaning of Christmas. I think so. I think what we could be teaching our children, is that because of the baby in the manger we have EVERYTHING we could possibly want! We have purpose, everlasting life, and a God-Father who loves us. Contentment! When you feel full and content in God's love, everything else is a just a nice little treat. No more trying to fill the empty void inside with things, false promises, and "human love". Families will be broken, money will be short, and life will be hard...
but a fresh orange and a kiss from mommy and daddy on the day the savior was born, what a real treat!

Martin Family Christmas letter:

Dear family and friends,
It has been another wonderful and blessed year in the Martin home. We are enjoying our new home, we moved in back in January, and we'd like to update everyone on what our family has been up to this past year.
Aiden, our big first grader has finally found his passion, acting. He has decided he will be attending acting school school next fall. As we always suspected his favorite genre where he plans to focus his studies is in musical theater.
Jack is going to be three after Christmas and is getting bigger and smarter every day. He no longer takes the beatings from his older brother, and usually dishes out his fair share. He recently got a new toy at McDonalds that has become his current favorite. It is a dragon he named "Buttrash".
Lulu still doesn't do anything impressive, although she has currently taken to ingesting her ponytail holders.
Bryan and I were blessed to go on a romantic vacation to Hawaii this past September. We had a fabulous time. We are hoping to make another trip in August, but this time we will plan ahead, and be sure never to come back.
So that just about sums up the 2009 highlights from the Martin family.

Merry Christmas to you and yours, and a happy New Year as well!

Christmas/Birthday gifts

It is exactly 1:00 am, Sunday "morning". These are not the hours I usually keep, but I was awake and snuck downstairs so not to wake my poor hubby. There are several reasons why I'm having trouble sleeping and one of them is after my guys week long trip, the snoring has returned.
Moving on.
So, I'm sure this falls somewhere in the lines of "bragging", which isn't my intention. I'm just really excited because Bryan and I haven't exchanged Christmas gifts in years, it's all about the kids now. But , this year he went to far above and beyond for me (so really I'm bragging about how much I love my guy). He's also really impatient and none of it could wait for Christmas.
First, he bought me a shiny new Ipod Nano (actually we used our credit card points to order each other each a gift, he got Bose earphones). I just love it, I'm constantly using it, and I didn't think I wanted one!
Then, after hearing me complain about how long it takes to make pancakes for our family of 5, he ordered me a HUGE and fabulous new griddle. I'm so excited to use it this week. May sound like a silly thing, but really it will make it possible to make pancakes for everyone in 5-10 minutes instead of 20-30.
Then, when he got home from the Big Apple today he surprised me yet again. He handed me a big pink bag that said "Betsy Johnson" on it and several other packages and said "Merry Christmas". I won't tell you about everything in the bag but he did get me a necklace and earring set I absolutely LOVE, I just LOVE Betsy. There were also several things from the NBC store as well, such as a "Shrute Farms" ornament.
I just feel so loved.

Friendship

It has been a while since I posted a really honest, upfront, no nonsense blog. I have had something on my mind, probably because Bryan is out of town. Some of you may relate to this and some may be fortunate enough not to relate at all.(and mom, I'm not depressed or sad I'm just being open)
It has literally been years since I have had a friend (female, not my husband) who I felt I could call anytime, for no reason, or when I need to vent. I don't have a "bestie".
I know some women who are so blessed with a group of women they can depend on. That just hasn't happened to me. I'm sure there is also something about me that makes me a little unapproachable to some people. Not sure. And I don't have the time and energy to cultivate some of my existing relationships, I want them to just develop naturally.
A few years ago I was meeting with a mentor of mine and we were talking about stress, marriage, life etc. She began encouraging me to pray for some relationships. Maybe not bosom buddies, but something stronger than acquaintances. Still praying.
There are times I am so wrapped up in my own mind and my own family that I don't even notice the lack of friendships.
LATELY, I have been having issues with my commitments and how I am spending my time and energy. I have given a lot of myself all over the place, and have tried to be a real servant to those around me. After I completely wore myself out (and had a week of alone time) I realized that my frustration was really how my efforts weren't producing one of the things I had been unknowingly seeking. Not bringing me any closer to anyone around me. Why?

So here's a little disclaimer to this (don't leave me notes about this part):
I know that I am an extremely "complicated" person. I use words that are too big ("Don't use words too big for the subject. Don't say "infinitely" when you mean "very"; otherwise you'll have no word left when you want to talk about something really infinite. -C.S.Lewis) And I'm probably a know it all... yeah definatly. So the point is I'm not blaming this whole issue on God, or people, or circumstances, yes some of it is me.
Anyway, so what is it about women as they get older (and more territorial) that we struggle so much to develop healthy friendships with other women? It was so easy when I was young. I had "best friends" all over the place that fizzled and faded away. And now... ?
I have friends that I love, talk to weekly-ish, chat with, and so on; no life long friends. Does anyone even know me? Do I really know my friends?
And when we reach these complicated years of life, when we are raising precious children, trying to have successful marriages, and attempting to keep our identities, isn't this a time when having strong friendships would be so incredibly HELPFUL?
Anyway, yes, I said this was going to be honest. God is all we need, but he also created humans to want friendship and connectedness (is that a word?).

mid week sneak peak weigh in

...just under 6 lbs.

Big Announcement...

I have moved to Shred level 2.

And I'm weighing in tomorrow morning:)
Okay, this is me checking in with all my skinny jeans pals. I have been a perfect angel since Sunday (3 days). No carbs and doing those bicycle-crunches like a champ.
So this is a good opportunity for everyone to TAKE THE POLL on the right side of my blog (thank you Missy for pointing that out). Tomorrow will be kind of the "mid week sneak peak", if you will.

What have I been listening to on my flashy new iPod while I do those plank jacks? The tunes of the week: New Moon (the motion picture soundtrack) I'll try to upload a sample for everyone who hangs out with me on facebook tomorrow :)

Favorite almost no carb food of the day: Little smokies sausages dipped in Taco Bell Fire sauce. Haha, yeah I really did do that. But really, I had a nice salad with blue cheese and grape tomatoes for dinner, yummy.

Favorite motivation to get that work out done at night: I've re reading my favorite book series while Bryan has been gone (gee my taste has recently become frighteningly limited, and I used to think I was semi intelligent) and all I want to do it night is snuggle and read. But I gotta be honest with you gals... I am so much more comfortable when I have exercised. My legs aren't falling asleep and my sciatica isn't screaming. I don't know how else to explain it. Edward has gotten me through the walking push ups every night (actually I kinda like the walking push ups).

Motivationalpic of the day brought to you by Elizabeth Taylor... white diamonds baby





Ado!

Lump of Coal

I know, I know. It's been waay too long since my last post. I had 4 Christmas parties last week, that's right, 4. And I was trying to spend some time with my poor hubby before he left for NY.
So now that I am here with out him this week I am in the best position possible to get back on the bandwagon.
I ate SO much last week, and only worked out 3 times. So sad. And that compiled with other things, I gained a good 3 lbs. Stink. Good thing it's cold out there so I can wear lots of hoodies.
So, this week I'm going to take full advantage of Bry being gone (I don't have to cook man food) and when I went to the grocery yesterday I bought lots of low/no carb stuff. This afternoon while the kids are napping I have been working on a yummy crust less quiche. Spinach, feta, cottage cheese, sausage, peppers and onion (and egg of course) and since the only other person around here who will even touch it is Lulu, I will have food for a couple days. I also have to give a shout out to the Fred Meyer brand "Carb Conrtol" yogurt. I have tried lots of low carb yogurts that have all been NASTY and full of artificial sweetener. This one, however, was cheap and tasty. Other things I have on hand:
-cottage cheese
-cheese sticks
-turkey bacon
-chicken breasts
-meatballs
-salsa
-ranch dressing
-salad
-lunch meats
-turkey dogs
-salmon (frozen uncooked)
-salmon (canned)
-tuna
-spinach
-broccoli
-cauliflower
-2%milk for lattes
-peanut butter
-lots of ground beef (with which you can make gourmet burgers, taco salad, and various meatballs)

No ones going hungry over here. (And wheat and starches are bad for you even if you aren't trying to loose weight)

So today marks day one. I thought it would be fun to see how many pounds I loose eating this way and shredding between now and when Bry comes home. Should we find out? Ok, and if it works then maybe some of you will want to join in.
Everyone make your guesses at the poll I created on the right side of my blog.

Yay, skinny jeans for me! (maybe even next month?)




** when you are trying to cut carbs check out the diabetic section at the grocery and pharmacy. and look for the sugar free version of condiments like pickle relish.

Thanks Dri :)

Trying to decide whether or not to work out today. Wondering if this is worth it and if it could really work? Here is a video made by a friend of mine for Exercize Tv. That's right, this is a real person I know, not an actor making the story up. Check it out. If this doesn't get you going then I give up (not really):

Holiday tips on gift receiving

1. When receiving a gift you feel is useless or of no value; refrain from confused expressions or speechlessness. Instead give your friend or loved one a hug so that they can't see your face, and a hug is worth a thousand words.

2. When receiving a gift from someone who is elderly or advanced in age; refrain from commenting on it's strange odor or likeness to what they got you last year. If it is a similar stuffed animal to the one they got you for your birthday say something thoughtful like "Oh, how nice, a friend for teddy-muffin. Thank you so much."

3. When unwrapping a gift you must be cautious not to tear the paper away with too much vigor, it puts too much pressure on the giver to meet your expectations. Unwrap slowly and careful while telling the generous gifter how much you are enjoying the paper and that you might like to save it for something later.




4. If the gift you are unwrapping was wrapped with more than one roll of scotch tape it is always appropriate to say "wow, you did a really secure job of wrapping this." This shows that you pay attention to all their hard work.

5. It is okay to wait until the gifter is not looking or cause a distraction that gives you time to shake the box and make sure that strange odor is not in fact coming from the box. If you find that the smell or scratching sounds are in fact coming from your gift, tell the giver that you have a rule about opening gifts before Christmas and you want to take the gift home and put it under your tree. Release the gift once you are outside and a safe distance (at least 20meters) away from any buildings or schools.

6. If an estranged family member drives across town to offer you a gift tell them you can't with out a lawyer present and calmly shut the door. The best place to seek shelter in this situation is in a bathtub with a mattress pulled over the top protecting you from heavy falling objects.

7. If a child picks out a gift "just for you", it's probably something good.

Merry Getmas



** Note to my Skinny jeans friends: I worked out today and used my new ipod Bryan got me for x-mas. SO mush better with my music, I still Shreded, just with out listening to Jillian. I think I worked harder too, my music gets me moving.
Try it out if you're looking for new stuff:
"Crossing the Rubicon" is the name of the album by The Sounds

...and good Monday to ya.

*I forgot to my Skinny Jeans friends that I DON'T work out on Sundays. There are very few exceptions to that. It is really our family days and is often either really busy or we're trying to spend time doing family stuff. So I just don't.

But... today is not Sunday anymore! I am so sore!
(for daily work your butt off updates follow me on facebook)

Anyhoo-
Tonight is my morning MOPS Christmas party at my house. All my little green table gals are coming over and I am SO excited I get to hang out with them (kid free) for a whole evening! I'm doing lots of treat making this morning. Rice Crispy Treats dipped in chocolate, while chocolate covered strawberry shortcake bites, and maybe some cream cheese lemon bars. Yummy.

Tomorrow there's more MOPS Christmas fun for me! My evening MOPS is having their first Christmas party. If any of you have ever considered visiting my MOPS, seriously, this is the night to do it. I don't want to give anything away, but OH MY!! (lets just say there are going to be some killer give-aways)

This week is probably going to be the craziest week of my entire year. Good thing Aiden still has school next week so I can get my act together before Christmas break.

So all this fabulous excitement, fun and blessings has me in a big ball of juicy, amorous Christmas love. God is so good. This year he has blessed me with amazing friends, a ministry I love, and a new home to celebrate in with my friends and family. Life on earth couldn't get much better.

"Dear Lord, thank you so much for your all knowing ways. Thank you for all that you have taught me and allowed me to see about this life and what you are doing here on earth. Thank you for my family. Thank you for my friends. Please continue to give us strength and peace through the holiday, I know that it can become a time of strain and sadness for some, including myself. Thank you, thank you! Amen."

Motivational Dreams for Saturday Night

So I'm going to start with a shout out to everyone who has responded to my offer to dream skinny jeans together...
Jessica (my returning work out buddy and sidekick)
Amy
Caitlin
Mel
Maybe Missy?
Maybe Hayley?

So here we are, it's Saturday night, what are you doing right now? Probably hanging with your fam, watching the boob-tube, doing some cooking...
Are you going to work out tonight?
I don't want to, should I do it? So if I do, and tomorrow a.m. (before church of course) I post how fabulous I feel because I did my 25 minutes tonight? How will you feel then?
I know that I can squeeze it in right after I get the kids in bed, hubby will still be finishing up in the garage or checking his email. Don't have your video yet? No worries, check your comcast on demand in the sports and fitness section. Exercise TV has lots to choose from and Shred is usually on there...

So here's what I'm going to do now: I'm going to go upstairs and put my favorite Adidas sports bra on, some comfy shorts and t. Then I'm going to put on my favorite pink Adidas shoes that have been waiting patiently for several weeks (since Hawaii to be precise). Then I'm going to start stretching and wait for the video to start. Between here and there I'm not going to question it anymore.
My saggy butt needs it.
My jelly-belly wants it.
And I'm gonna give it to em.




**BONUS: Do a good job and in a few weeks I will plan a treat for us (a healthy inspirational treat of course)

Bryan bought me a new ipod for Christmas, it should be arriving in the mail soon. Can't wait to make a playlist to share with all of you for sweaty-time!

COMING SOON: Friday December 11 I will be restocking my pantry. wanna know what I eat to get rid of my love handles quicker? I'll fill you in on all my juicy tips.

Dream Skinny Jeans

The end of the Year is coming and I am officially looking for some new fitness buddies. Here's what I plan to do and you can to:

- "Shred" with Jiliian Micheals. You can get yours at Target for $10-14. With it you will need a very small set of hand weights and some comfy sneakers.

- Sign up on the website of your choice to find out your BMI to decide what your weight loss goal is going to be. For example I base mine on a weight that in in the middle of my healthy weight range that I know I can maintain. I know that I will never be healthy at 105lbs so I would never make that my goal. You can also find one with online progress trackers and other fun things.

-Work out (Shred) at least 5 days a week. Evenings after the kids are in bed is what gets me the best results. It also helps keep my hormones in check.

- I'm going to try to detox from sugar, starches, carbs, and gluten. Why do I do that over and over? Because it works, although if you slip up the craving will return. It also makes me feel SO much better and gives me more energy.

-Take your vitamins everyday.

-Find things that keep you busy during the day so you don't go circles around the house thinking about your diet.

-Keep a notebook around to vent in.


You're probably wondering, why now? it's almost Christmas? Well, I would rather start exercising now instead of gaining ten more pounds over the holiday that I have to loose in January. Don't worry, no guilt here, just encouragement. I like the buddy system. This will hardly cost you any money and you will see a difference in DAYS.

Leave me a comment, email, facebook, of text if you're interested. I'll blog/facebook my progress regularly for those who need encouragement. Maybe we could even plan a "Get your butt in to gear" party for after New Years. Could be fun!

New Moon: * *

It is time...
You all know how much I like to write a good 'ol movie review. Actually November 25, 2008 I blogged my review of "Twilight", it still stands.
So I am firmly convinced that the purpose of this movie was to try sway all of those die hard "Team Edward" fans over into the "Team Jacob" pile, or at least leave all of us somewhere between. Pretty successful on that front, but left me feeling really sad. I was really in love with Edward before and sure that Jake wasn't my type....
Anyway, the first time I saw the flick it was opening weekend and I was in a theater with with 200 tweens. They were awful! Making all these sound effects and noises. What does a 12 year old girl really care about Jacob Black peeling his shirt off 3ft from camera? More than they should I think. And that's not the worst part about it! Two words... Bryan and Matt. Yes boys, we know you think is dumb. Taking the men's club with me, HUGE MISTAKE.
So, last night I gave it a well deserved second chance. I wanted to at least enjoy it, even it I didn't love it. So I went with my mommy (who has read the books and went voluntarily).
SO-HUH-OH MUCH BETTER. Still not an award winner by any means, by rather quite true to the book. Of course it omitted much of the feeling and pining that Bella does when her vampire vamps off into the night leaving her all alone (tear).
I love the real Edward, the one trapped in the book, but Rob is going to have to earn his way back into my affections. Go team Jacob. I'm no wolf but I'm just gonna hang out on the fence for a while.

Two stars, one thumb, a few regrets.

Here is a teaser pic from the set of Eclipse

Grief Help

No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. -CS Lewis

Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.-Albus Dumbledore

"my eyes are dim with grief.
I call to you, O LORD, every day;
I spread out my hands to you." -Psalm 88:9

In light of the several families who have lost their loved little babies this week I decided it may be helpful to some of you if I post some information on how to support, encourage, or just speak with a person who is grieving the loss of a baby. Often the things we think are going to be helpful to say or do are really not. If you have never experienced a similar loss it is probably hard for you to even imagine what the mother is going through. I can't include all the information I would like to, but here is a little and I hope it is helpful.

Here is a list of things people often say but probably shouldn't:

- "I know how you feel." (even if you have experienced a similar loss, only she knew her baby and therefore this is not a helpful statement)

- "How are you doing?" (this question is too complicated to answer)

-"You can always have other babies"/ "You can always try again." (she wants the baby she lost, not other babies. The idea of trying again can make her feel like the world sees her baby as replaceable or insignificant)

- "It was God's plan."/ "It's all in Gods control." (although this statement may at time be comforting to some, often it can invoke feelings of anger and doesn't help the situation to make any more sense)

- "Was there something you did while you were pregnant...?"/ "Was there something that could have been done to prevent this?" (it may seem impossible that there are people stupid enough out there to say this, but it was said to me many times and NONE of those people are my friends anymore)


Now here is a list of tips on how you can approach this person in conversation that can allow them to open up IF THEY WANT TO, and also show your concern in an appropriate way:

- "It hurts to see you go through this, please let me know if there is a way I can be helpful" (acknowledge that it is their experience you are feeling bad for, it's not about you)

- "If you ever want to talk to someone I would love to hear more about *baby's name*
(lets them know you are comfortable talking about the baby and recognize him/her as a real person)

- On a similar note, when you are talking to that person about their baby be sure to use the baby's name, it validates he/she as a person and member of the family. Over time the mother will have less and less chances to use their babies name out loud and down the road continuing to ask about the baby by name will give mom chances to use the precious word out loud.

- Just wait. You can't force mom to move forward.

-If you aren't sure what to say DON'T say anything, or a simple "I have been thinking about you" is appropriate.

-Admit when you don't know what to say or do. When you act over confident the mother may think you are underestimating her pain and that you are insensitive.

-Mark the baby's birthday (and loss day if the same) on the calendar now while you know for sure what it is. That way when the 6month and one year anniversary comes around you will not forget to send a card or do something to recognize that day for the mother. It will mean a lot to her to know that you haven't forgotten her child, and give her opportunities to talk about it.

-Cards are always a wonderful idea. Don't call or drop by unless the family has openly expressed that they want people around.

-Freezer meals are also a great thing.

- If you can offer to take the other children at your house as often as you can, maybe setting up a set day every week. There will be times that the mom wants her children near, but times when it may feel like she really needs to fall apart for a little while and needs to know they are somewhere having fun. This may be something she needs for many months.

-Pray for them, don't just say that you'll pray for them.

Has this world been so kind to you that you should leave with regret? There are better things ahead than any we leave behind. C. S. Lewis

"While the child was alive," he said, "I fasted and wept, thinking God might have mercy on me and the child would live. But now that he's dead, why fast? Can I bring him back now? I can go to him, but he can't come to me." -2Samuel 12:23 (the Message)

"Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted." -Matthew 5:4

Death is no more than passing from one room into another. But there's a difference for me, you know. Because in that other room I shall be able to see. -Helen Keller

Two months is too little.
They let him go.
They had no sudden healing.
To think that providence would
Take a child from his mother while she prays
Is appalling.

Who told us we’d be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?
We’re asking why this happens
To us who have died to live?
It’s unfair.

Chorus:
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held.

This hand is bitterness.
We want to taste it, let the hatred NUMB our sorrow.
The wise hands opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow.

(Chorus)
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held.

Bridge:
If hope is born of suffering.
If this is only the beginning.
Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?

(Chorus)
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held.

-"Held", by Natalie Grant