Jack in a Hat

This picture was taken yesterday in the middle of Sugar Babies (they do have some adorable hats) I think Angie was trying to imagine what Lucy might look like. We have always said that Jack would make a gorgeous little girl. Poor guy, he was a pretty good sport.

Don't worry Labor and Delivery, I'll be back in a few months.

Yesterday was a pretty long day. We were planning on taking the boys to Northwest Trek. My plans changed when I got up in the morning with a lower back ache and contractions! What the hay, right? So my mom picked me up and took my over to St. Joe's (the boys stayed at home with Cindy). They were super nice and polite both in the ER and in L&D. I really love that hospital, it's so pretty inside.
So I was hooked up to the monitors for a couple hours. Lucy was doing great, she was super active and her heart rate was nice and steady. The contractions were really tiny (I wasn't in pain) and I knew they were Braxton Hicks, but there were so many.
After waiting a few hours the Dr didn't come up with any conclusive reasons as to why I would be having this. It slowed down to less than 5 an hour after I layed there for a while. So eventually they let me go home. I'm not on bed rest at this point, and the contractions haven't picked up again. I'm just supposed to use modified activity, and be careful. They did say that because they couldn't find a reason for it that it may be something that comes back again through out the pregnancy.
Anyway, so that was the big drama, but really everything is okay.
Today I am just relaxing. I have taken up a new hobby, I have been knitting using a loom. My first project was a really ugly scarf. Aiden saw me making it and said "oh cool, I want a scarf!"
So now I am making Aiden a scarf. I will post a picture of it when I'm done. I am also making a new hat for Lucy, the kind that has the flower on top. That too will be posted soon.
I'm ready for a nice relaxing weekend. I'm going to sit around and do projects (after I make a trip to Joanne this am).

"Thank you Lord for protecting my children. I am sure there have been more close calls than I realize, which is good because I am nervous enough as it is. Bless this weekend with rest, health, and fun. Amen."

Yesterday was the perfect day for the Point Defiance Zoo. It was so nice outside (and not hot). That zoo is also the perfect size for young children (and Aiden). It only took us a couple hours to see the whole zoo.

I have to admit I was really wiped out afterward, though.

I've been trying to do lots of fun things with Aiden this week, because I am sure next week will be stressful trying to figure out what we are going to do as far as school is concerned. I still haven't heard back from the Admin. office. Grrrr.

So I don't know what I'm going to do today. Aiden stayed the night at my mom's and won't be back until noon. I want to make use of the time, but I am sooo tired. Bryan didn't get home from work until 10:30 last night. I will be so glad when this boat leaves on Friday.

"Lord, thank you for the blessing of quiet this morning. I really appreciate it. Amen."

I think I might be pregnant.

There are usually a couple of points in pregnancy where I wake up in the morning and I am literally "bigger" than the day before. This week has been one of those weeks. I have gained 12 lbs (yay! I probably gained 25 by this point with Jack) which is right on track according to Pregnancy Week by Week, it says between 10-15 lbs is average. The only reason I care anyway, really, is I worked so hard to loose it just back in February/March. So I like the thought that maybe the numbers won't get quite as high as before and loosing will be easier because I will be starting from a better place? But here is the reality, and many of you who have babies know what I mean, the "Third Trimester". Ya know, when you gain like a pound a day off salad, soup and ice cream. So my point is that I am preparing for the reality that I may not have as much say in the numbers as I want to think I do. But I can still wear my jeans! I don't know how, but I can. I have one pair of maternity jeans, and other than that I still love my Lucky Brand.
(Note: to all first timers, you might be as nuts as me when you reach your 4th pregnancy :)

Enough with the judgment.

Ok, I know that I already posted today, but since then there have been some events in my day I feel very compelled to share.

Today I took Aiden and Jack to the play area in the Super Mall. I knew there would be certain challenges involved there as far as Aiden is concerned. One problem we have been having lately has been shoes. He has some sensory problems and can get really hung up on strange things. I have been having a really hard time getting him to wear shoes. He was okay with sandals over the summer but when I bought him new sneakers for school I knew it would be tough to get them broken in. First it was a refusal to wear socks. Often he complains that his feet are to "hot". And now we are at the point where he will wear them but it takes about a hundred years for me to get him to put them on. I have a general rule that I won't do things like that for him, he has to put on his own shoes, so it can take a while.

Anyway, the Super Mall was just what I thought it would be. Afterward we decided to eat at McD's for something special (my mother in law and Aiden's little cousin were with us).
Oh my, everything was a crisis. He was screaming from the moment we walked into the restaurant. It is hard to explain in words, because you have to understand that he did want to be there, but his nervous system couldn't take any more stimulation. He screamed and cried about white milk, and wanting apple juice (which nobody else had and was never offered to him), screamed because he didn't want to sit down, screamed because he didn't understand why people don't get to pick what toy they get in their happy meal, screamed once again about his shoes....
Now, this is the part where you imagine being me, and putting your sweet little child in Aiden's place. Now imagine you can hear what everyone in the crowded restaurant, "Oh my god, what is wrong with that kid!" "Why doesn't she do something with him, she's just letting him scream like that" "They should have to leave, that is so annoying" "My kids never act that way" "If that was my kid I would kill myself".
Now imagine the looks on their faces. Some are disgusted, some are laughing, some only raise their eyebrows.
I'm tired now. I hate McD's anyway. He can't wear a sign around. I can't use his "label" for my own relief.
Anyone who gets what I am saying here, please do me this one favor. Next time you are out and about, and there is some mom with a kid who is behaving ridiculously and everyone else is staring and casting stones: A) Give her a real smile, a warm "it happens" smile. B) If you can, tell her she's doing fine and you understand.
Thanks

Dealing with the stress of this week.

We has a pretty good weekend. It was really busy. On Saturday Aiden stayed the night with his cousins. Bryan and I went to the wedding of a girl I have known for a really longs time. Melanie was one of my first and best friends here in Washington. Several of our other really close friends who I hadn't seen in a long time were there too.
Then yesterday we picked up Aiden and went to church. After church we ate at the Olive Garden and went by our storage unit.
I was tired last night, but didn't quite get the good sleep I hoped for. Jack was whining in his sleep a better part of the night and I was up and down checking on him. Lucy was super wiggly, which is like trying to sleep next to someone who won't lay still.
Today has plenty of potential to be a good day. I haven't decided what we are going to do yet. I am trying to come up with some fun things to do because this is Aiden's last week of vacation.

So here is my confession for the day. I have totally screwed up my budget for the next couple weeks, maybe even the month. It wasn't all my fault. I went over my budget at the grocery, but we were out of so many things, and I didn't hardly buy groceries the past couple weeks so I was making up for it. Then there was the gift for the wedding on Saturday, and my brother's birthday. I did buy some new clothes for Jack, but I didn't go all out like I did for Aiden's school clothes. Then there was Olive Garden yesterday, which I felt suuuuuper guilty about, but Bryan and Aiden had decided on their own that we should go there after church. I couldn't hardly say no. So today I have the grim task of going back and re-doing the budget to see how things are going to fit. It's not a crisis, but I feel so rotten about it. I have been so hard core about sticking to our plans and budget. I think we were all just getting tired of never doing anything because of my strict agenda. bad bad bad. So hopefully I didn't make any major problems for myself.

This, is going to be a good day. I don't know why or how yet, but it will. In fact I think this can be a really good week. I'm going to choose peace right now. I could be worried about the plans for Aiden's first school week being really up in the air (which I'm sure I will talk more about that the next few days) and money, and Bryan's upcoming trip, and so many other things. But I'm not going to do that. One day at a time, one minute at a time, only one decision at a time. I do know all things will work together for good.

Time to go get dressed.

"Dear Lord, please bless all of my friends with peace this week. I have a feeling that there are other people who need your peace just as much as I do. As Christians we should already realize that because this is a sinful work there will always be more difficulty and challenges around the corner. To live is Christ, which certainly isn't easy. Please give us unexpected joy today. Amen."

Friday Fun-day

I'm having a great day. I hope I am this cheerful all day (I am pregnant and those mood swings can come out of no where).

I'm going to go fix my hair and put on some makeup! ha!

TGIF!!!

I'm going to post some of my favorite paintings for you all to savor. These are J. Christensen. Click to enlarge and check them out. Christensen is a theologist, philosopher, and artist. I will post some more of his work another time. Do you dig it? Man on a Short String If Pigs Could Fly

Taking the day off from thinking

Today I am going to make up for how heavy things have been the past couple weeks, and I am going to write only about completely lovely meaningless things!
I am actually really excited because tomorrow we are celebrating my brother's birthday. So tomorrow morning I need to go get him a little gift. Can you believe he is going to be 18 on August 28th?!
Anyway, when I was at Target yesterday (the plan was for Wally World, but then I thought about the slushies and popcorn and I changed my mind) I strolled through the little boys department (as always) and they had so much cute stuff!! So I am going to return tomorrow morning to get some new fall/winter stuff for Jack. Before buying him new stuff I actually went to our storage to see what he already has courtesy of Aiden. I couldn't find winter 2T anywhere in there. I was bummed. I will try again with Bryan, because I couldn't hardly get around in there. Either way, I happen to know that 2 and 3 t sizes didn't survive Aiden for the most past. A great deal of what he had was hand me downs and he wore those sizes for a very long time and everything was pretty much rags when he was done. So, I'm going to get Jack some new things. It really only seems fair. Aiden and Lucy will have lovely new things. So the plan is to get him nice things, care for them well, and take them to consignment and trade them for whatever I need when he is done with them.
Well, while I was there I bought a couple of these adorable long sleeve tees for Aiden (he actually spotted them and picked them out which is part of what made it so adorable) one is Popeye's body and it's supposed to look like Aidens head with Popeye's body (Semper Peratis Popeye!) and the other was vintage look with the Peanuts on it, and since I am Lucy from peanuts I was in love. So, Jack is going to get a few for himself tomorrow.
I know this is all very inconsequential, but a little shallow girlishness is good for someone as serious as me once in a while.
We currently have no plans for the day, although I have a few ideas that also revolve around bugging Sumner School District for the third day in a row. Please pray that thing will go smoother with them than we anticipate.

"Lord, thank you for occasional lazy days mixed in with all the busy ones. Thank you for bright ideas. Thank you for people who are really different, they add flavor to our lives. Thank you for this fall weather! Amen."

Content with being Patient

I love waking up to a dark house in the morning! It makes me feel so warm and peaceful.
So, we didn't go anywhere yesterday. I lost my will to get the kids ready by lunch time. So today we will make up for it. I am planning on heading to my favorite place, Borders around 10. I love to go and get a cup of coffee, let the kids each pick a book, and mil around for a while. I do realize all this could be done for free at the library (which we also do sometimes) but unfortunately the library has turned into a pretty major trigger for Aiden and I have to go one on one with him.
Then I think I am going to mosey over to the Wally World and maybe our storage unit.

What I really wanted to talk about this morning is patience. Patience is a quality God really wants me to have, and has been very persistent about making sure that I get it. So you can basically take a look at any event in life and see a point when you needed patience. Looking for a new house, pregnancy, payday, financial problems, health problems, relationship problems. Generally every situation in life requires some type of waiting period. I use to say when Bryan was on the Cutter Munroe in the Coast Guard that I had so much patience and that my life was all about waiting. I also said that when I was pregnant with Nolan, Jackson, and each time we have needed a place to live and Bryan was out of a job. Waiting, waiting, waiting on God. We have had to learn the times we need to wait on Him, and when He wants us to act and make a decision on our own. So after several years this hardcore brand of patience I have developed has turned into something different... contentment. I am no longer waiting. I mean, I am physically in a way, but I'm not waiting for the next phase or outcome. Choose to be happy, satisfied right now. The answers or results you end up with may or may not be what you prayed for, and right at this moment it doesn't matter. You have everything you need in this moment.
Patience IS a virtue (my kids require alot of it). But when we are content, God is really doing something awesome with us. I know that I am capable of so much more when I am content. I make better decisions, I am a better wife and mom, and I won't get to the end of my life and realize I spent the whole time worrying about what was next.
So you're probably wondering what caused this outpouring of wisdom/opinion this morning. Well, really it is because I had one of those mornings when I realized that despite all the things that could have me stressed out, on medication (don't get me wrong meds do have their place) loosing sleep, angry, afraid, bitter, and maybe insane... God's consistent challenges have given me so much patience I am content, content for no reason. ha ha.
Good luck with this, all ye servants and saints. Today, take the stress, and challenges, and even the blessings you have to wait so long for, and let God use them to give you peace and contentment instead of waiting. Enjoy the moment for whatever it is.

"Lord help me to have contentment all day today. Even when I am in the store with my kids, even when I am stuck in traffic on Meridian, and every time one of the challenges ahead of my family resurfaces in my mind. I'm not waiting, I'm living right now, and now I am useful. Amen."

... And it's a good thing God already saw this coming.

Yesterday I got up and ready in such a good mood. I start out pretty much everyday in a good mood. I went online to check and make sure I had everything I needed to go finish registering Aiden for school. When I was taking a peek at the kindergarten school calender for the month of September I almost passed out.
Some of you may already know about this or have already had kids in kindergarten in similar districts, so please excuse my sock....
the kindergarten here in sumner is split into two sections. Blue and Red. Blue goes to school on Mondays and Thursdays, red on Tuesdays and Fridays.
That's right, two days a week.
I am pretty sure my heart actually stopped beating. I went into absolute panic! "This isn't going to work! He's never going to make it through an eight hour school day! What about me!? I need help! I needed those mornings! Oh my gosh, I'm having a baby! HELP!!!"
I went into survival mode. I went directly to the Puyallup School District website. We have a Puyallup address here, although we are technically in Sumner school dist. So Shaw Elementary is just down the road. I was relieved to see they still have a regular am pm kinder schedule.
So after walking in circles for about 30 minutes until Jack woke up at 7, I decided I needed to go talk to somebody at the Sumner Administration office.
So we all put our sweats on and jumped in the truck.
When I pulled in the parking lot I somehow had the presence of mind to remember to pray. I asked specifically for a solution, and a solution right now :) That's much bossier than my normal "give me peace no matter what" style.
I went in. The receptionist pointed me in the right direction. After speaking to this very nice patient lady for about five minutes (she could probably smell my desperation) she said "Don't worry. We'll have one of our school psychologists talk to him, them we'll just make him a modified schedule."
Modified schedule? Just for Aiden? HALLELUJAH!!!! wow, that was fast. I know they really do care about the kids, but I just didn't imagine they would make a completely new schedule specifically for him. He will probably go to school for a couple hours mon, tues, thurs, fri (there is no school on weds). They completely understood right away.
Aiden is the kind of kid who relies on doing the same thing the same way everyday. If he only had school two days a week he would be throwing a tantrum every morning when there is no school and not understanding why mommy won't let him go. And it would be nearly impossible to get him dressed and in the car on the days when he does need to go. Not to mention he needs special therapy at school, and 2 days a weeks is not going to be very helpful.
Anyway, then we left. I had planned on spending the whole day chipping away at this problem. Instead, we went to Fred Meyer and went home for naps.
The cherry on top... it rained the whole drive home. It washed away the stress of the morning. It reminded me that God loves Aiden more than I do and he is going to do what's best for him. He also knew how I was going to react to this problem. I think that's probably why I found out at home on the computer and not in the school office!
So, I know this blog is already getting long, but there is more.
I finally got a phone call yesterday afternoon from the Neuro Development and Birth defects clinic at Children's letting me know they reviewed the referral from Aiden's doctor and they are ready to schedule him for some testing. So we are on the calender October the 8th. (back to "thank goodness for the school" because their psychologist is going to help us in the meantime) I think I really knew he would qualify, but it was stressful to wait. I'm just ready for help.
The kids were a disaster yesterday. I cried a couple of times because I'm so aware of things right now. Every time Aiden throws a tantrum or won't put his clothes on I notice he isn't like other 5 1/2 year olds. I want him to be, I guess. I think I must me grieving. I'm mostly okay with all the "diagnosis" and things , because I am so worn out (speaking of worn out, my typing just got interrupted by the mega-tantrum of the century)
You all know I am about honesty for the good of others. So let me share a little more about what it feels like to parent a child with an autism spectrum disorder:
I love him. He was such a good baby. He slept through the night at 8 weeks old, 12 hours a night. He never cried for no reason. He was cuddly, and sweet.
Then around the age of 2 1/2, he changed. He can't handle the smallest stimulation. When he tantrums he looks like a rabid animal. It's not the baby I used to love. I don't know where that baby went.
I love him, but all day he is fighting me. He is constantly telling me things like "I don't like your voice" "I don't want to hear you" and "leave me alone". He can get aggressive. I've been kicked, pinched, bit.
So I love him, but there are days when I don't want to look at him because all he has done is try to hurt me or Jack, or yell, or make weird noises.
There is really apart of him that seems normal, which is complicated because now we have had to resort to telling people about his problems because otherwise they will expect him to act like other 5 year olds, and he can't. The girl who works in his Sunday school class just looked at me blankly when I tried to talk to her.
So, yes, I love him, but most days it is Agape love. Love that I don't have on my own. I have to use the love that God has given me to see past it all. To have hope. To make it to bed time.
So anyway, this was mostly a rant, but it's real. As you can see, God saw this coming. I know that because I have made it this far. He has made it possible.

"Lord, help me to find a moment of rest today. Amen."

My mind is full on Monday

I had a really fun weekend, but I am so glad to be back to the old grind. I was also very pleasantly surprised to see that it is now still dark outside when I wake up (fall is coming!).
My sis in law was in town last week through yesterday. We had a really good time, but now I am ready for my usual routine.
Today I am going to the Sumner School Dist Admin building to talk to them about Aiden and which school would be best for him. We have been planning on Maple Lawn Elem. but are wondering in light of all that is going on whether McAlder would be better suited.
Today I am also supposed to hear whether or not he is being accepted into the Aspergers testing program at Children's Hospital.
AND I am supposed to hear back from my doc the results of my ultrasound.
So yeah, I'm glad I finished the laundry last night. Ha.
And to add to it all... WB moved back the release date for the new Harry Potter movie from November to NEXT STINK'N JULY!!! When I read that last night I literally felt tears come to my eyes. My favorite of the books Half Blood Prince, is finally coming to theaters in almost a year from now. I'm devastated. We actually already had November 21st all planned out. We were going to go to the 12:01 show, and I was going to dress up like a Griffyndor :(
Anyway, life goes on.
So, I have been nesting really bad. I want to do the whole nursery thing. I have had so many cute little ideas. But I don't have anywhere to put it because we aren't moving until after the holidays, probably closer to spring. I know I have complained about this several times. It's just really been on my mind. Please pray for us that we will know when the time is right and the right house will be available. Also pray for Bryan's job. He loooooves his job. He may actually have the coolest job I've ever heard of. But... they maybe haven't been compensating him very well. He recently got a really good job offer from a company that I won't name right now. So when his review comes around in December we will either have to decide to stick around or go with this other company (which has a branch here but isn't based in this country:) So yeah, many of you know we have never really been settled here and we have been here for 2 years now!! I know God is trying to lead us somewhere, but is has been so unclear.
So, yeah pray for us. We're complicated, but who isn't?!

"Lord, first I want to lift up friends and family who are healing or have illnesses today. Also for my friends who have been traveling.
Thank you for all the lessons in my life that have taught me how to have peace in the storms, I am so appreciative of that today. Help me to make good decisions for Aiden today, and please lead us in the right direction for his therapy and education. Open all the doors.
Also, remind me to have patience. Remind me to choose happiness where I stand right now. Help me to remember that I can't ever find satisfaction or joy outside of myself through you.
Thank you for this cloudy dark morning. Thank you for all the unexpected joy today. Amen."

Diagnostic Day

Yesterday was such a long day. This week was such a long week. (the past 4 years have been long, but I'm not going in to that:)
Yesterday morning Aiden went to play at his cousins, which is really good because he has been bored and needed some other kids to play with.
My mom came an picked up Jack and I (I love to be chauffeured) and we went over to downtown (Sumner) for some fun. We went to sugar babies where we bought a gorgeous Jamie Ray headband (yes Keren! I want them all too!!) and special ordered a blanket for her buy Fleecie Weecie, it's going to be so cute! I also picked up a couple things for Jack.
Then we headed over to Storci for lunch. Jack and I shared some pizza. I really love that restaurant and HIGHLY recommend it to anyone who like authentic Italian food or a great (best I've ever had) cappuccino.
Then we drove over to St Joe's for the big diagnostic ultrasound. I was nervous. This whole week had been more intense than I had expected it to be. Everything went fine, there were no issues that we could see. I will still have to wait for the official word from Finley (that's my special name for my dr, DR Finley, I have taken to calling him Finley. You will hear LOTS more about him down the road. He delivered Jack as well).
We brought home a couple pictures. One was of the feet, a really cute pic. The other was a face shot that was pretty scary and looked like Skelator. But the u/s tech said girl! We also SAW the kidneys, bladder, and stomach. By the end of the scan she settled in the weirdest position, the same position Jack slept in when he was a newborn. Butt up and hands down to her sides. Strange kids I have.
I came home. It was hot. I couldn't get my kids to go to sleep.
When Bryan finally got home I gave him a hair cut. I really didn't want to, my feet were swollen, and my back hurt. Oh well, he looked nice today for work.

So that was my day yesterday. I'm really excited to have it behind me. I will be really happy when Finley calls back to tell me to relax.

So now I'm going to find something to entertain us today. We've made it to the weekend! TGIF!! I hope fall comes soon.

Reality Check

After sulking around the house yesterday we are getting out today. We are all feeling much better (Jack after his 5 shots, Aiden after his blood draw incedent, and me after my reality check).
We are planning to hit up the SuperMall today in search of shoes and maternity clothes (another reality check).
Yes, I am finally conceding to getting some "larger" clothes. I really hate maternity clothes, as I have been wearing them for about 5 years strait. So I am pretty much going for normal clothes in larger sizes. Fortunately my jeans are still fitting, although I am going to buy a bellaband so I can continue to wear them as long as possible (forever?).

Yesterday was long. I was at home alone with the kids (who allowed that?) and walked around in a fog all day. I just needed sometime to work things out mentally. I did eventually realize that they didn't give him aspergers at the doctor's office, he already had it. It's not like I brought home a different kid. So once I realized that the label isn't actually going to change my day to day life at this point (other than the prospect of getting him the help he needs) I was able to get my act together.
No sooner had I fixed my attitude problem then I got a really obnoxious pinched nerve in my back. Oh, the joys of pregnancy.

I don't even think I mentioned a couple days ago that Bryan got to spend some time with Patty Murrey. I have some pictures of their little PR moment. Although I think there wil be more soon because she specifically asked if she could come back and take a ride on the boat. Fun fun.
I will try and post a pic asap.

"Lord, give us unexpected joy today. Help us to laugh at the rough moments, and bask in the quiet ones. Help us to live today and everyday with purpose and intention. Amen."

Aiden (continued)

Let me share with you the basic details of a typical day with Aiden.

We wake up, he is such an early bird, 6:00 is pretty typical. He is always cheerful when he gets up, and wants a snack and some cartoons.

It never takes too long before the tranquility wears off. For example: the first issue of the day today was that he wanted to eat his oatmeal while sitting wrapped in a big fuzzy blanket at the table. I simply asked him to leave the blanket in the living room so it wouldn't get oatmeal on it. The reaction was loud, and tearful. He threw himself on the floor screaming. He "needed" the blanket. I took the blanket and walked away, leaving him to finish the tantrum on his own. And because it is still early in the day, the incident didn't last long. He sat down and ate his breakfast cheerfully, saving his energy for the next round.

About an hour after breakfast the kids are playing in the playroom. Jack is sitting in a chair playing quietly. Aiden decides he wants to sit in the chair too, even if this means brother has to move. So, as if Jack were completely invisible, Aiden plops into the chair. I remind him about personal space, and that he may sit when Jack is finished. But Aiden already has is blinders on. He doesn't like my voice, and all he knows is that he wants the chair now. I remove him in time so that he doesn't knock Jack over. Aiden goes limp noodle on the floor. I can't explain the noises he makes. I ask him if he wants to walk to his room or if I should carry him. No answer, just noises.

This is how it will be all through our day. Loud noises at inappropriate times. Running away in public (he doesn't walk along with us). Interrupting during every conversation. And at least one or two tantrums that involve kicking just because he doesn't like to hear the sound of my voice. I will probably find at least one new large bloody scab that he has made sometime during the night or when I wasn't looking, or notice that he has once again chewed away part of his lip for no reason. All he is going to talk about today is Zelda, because that is all he has thought about for almost 2 weeks ("Aiden, I don't know if Link has a Grandpa, or if he lives at the Forsaken Fortress!") He is going to cry more, throw more tantrums, and need more attention than his one year old brother.

I keep thinking "Oh Lord! This child is going to Kindergarten in s few weeks!" I don't know what is going to happen.

We went to the doctor yesterday. I really knew what she was going to say before we went:

Asperger syndrome (pronounced /ˈasˌpərgɘr ˌsɪndrəʊm/ in the U.S., /ˈasˌpəːgɘ/ in Britain; also called Asperger's syndrome, Asperger's disorder, Asperger's or AS) is one of several autism spectrum disorders (ASD) characterized by difficulties in social interaction and by restricted, stereotyped patterns of behavior, interests and activities. AS is distinguished from the other ASDs in having no general delay in language or cognitive development. Although not mentioned in standard diagnostic criteria, motor clumsiness and atypical use of language are frequently reported.[1][2]
Asperger syndrome is named after Austrian pediatrician Hans Asperger who, in 1944, described children in his practice who lacked nonverbal communication skills, failed to demonstrate empathy with their peers, and were physically clumsy. Fifty years later, AS was standardized as a diagnosis, but questions about many aspects of AS remain.[3] For example, there is lingering doubt about the distinction between AS and high-functioning autism (HFA);[4] partly due to this, the prevalence of AS is not firmly established. The exact cause of AS is unknown, although research supports the likelihood of a genetic basis; brain imaging techniques have not identified a clear common pathology.[1]
There is no single treatment for Asperger syndrome, and the effectiveness of particular interventions is supported by only limited data. Intervention is aimed at improving symptoms and function. The mainstay of management is behavioral therapy, focusing on specific deficits to address poor communication skills, obsessive or repetitive routines, and clumsiness. Most individuals with AS can learn to cope with their differences, but may continue to need moral support and encouragement to maintain an independent life.[5] Researchers and people with AS have advocated a shift in attitudes away from the notion that AS is a deviation from the norm that must be treated or cured, and towards the view that AS is a difference rather than a disability. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome

We are really in for it now. It took all the nurses and Bryan to hold him down for a blood draw. We are being sent for a formal diagnosis. I have lots of clinics and specialists to call today. We'll be on a waiting list I'm sure. More doctor bills. More trying to convince him to get in the truck to go to the appointments. DNA testing, neurological testing, and all kids of strange activities to test the motor skills.

I'm so tired. There are days when there is nothing left of me. He has taken it all. My love for him is so deep, and so painful. A struggle.

Now all of my children are a statistic. (Jack has a split xyphoid process, in case you were wondering, but it's really just creepy and not dangerous). What is this baby going to be like? A geneticsist probably would have told us never to have children (jerks!).

So, the formal diagnosis isn't in yet, but... either way... this is my kids I am talking about. Not somebody else's. He is so smart. He is very loving, he just wants attention all the time. He is... Aiden. He is my husband's heart. He is our hopes and dreams. He is our first love. He is the what made us a family for the first time. He was the superglue God put on my heart when Nolan died. He is the realization of my childhood dreams. He is there when I wake up everyday. He rides in the backseat of my truck everyday. I know him. He is not that child with aspergers, he's still just Aiden.

Aiden

I wasn't going to post anything today because I am so stressed to the max. But then I thought purging some of it might be helpful.

Aiden has a doctors appointment today. He has hit a really rough patch, and we are really at our wits end. I love him so much, but I am so worn out. We are so close to the start of school that now I am really worried about how this transition is going to happen for him.

Please, please pray for us right now. I don't even know what else to say. This is maybe the worst some of his problems have ever been. It is so heavy on me. I'm also really afraid of what I am going to be told. The possibilities right now are scary.

He is so smart and can be so sweet. I have another case of "nobody ever thinks this will happen to their kid". It's a bitter pill.

"Lord, hold Aiden close. Amen."

Rainy days are so peaceful.

I think we all know by bow that I am the weirdo who isn't to keen on sunshine. I am so happy for the rain today. I can't even explain it.
We had a busy Friday. We ran some errands in the am and then I had the privilege of going to my friend Amy's house to help her with some flowers for a wedding. She has been doing flower arranging for 7 years! The roses were gorgeous. They all had the antique quality about them. They were a very pale peachy pink color. really pretty.
Well, my sis in law is coming up for a visit this week. I am looking forward to getting my craft on while she is here. She is super crafty and will be able to give me the help I need to get some new projects going.
I am soooo happy to have Bryan home. He is going to be leaving again in a couple weeks, but I'm just going to soak it up now. Yesterday he let me sleep in and get a nap! So nice. And today he is going to the grocery with me!
My doctors appointment on Thursday went fine. Everything is measuring on schedule and that is REALLY important. My diagnostic ultrasound has been scheduled for this Thursday the 14th. I am at peace about it right now, but I think it will start to bug me a little when the day gets a little closer. So just keep praying for peace for me. Thank you to everyone who has been so understanding of my crazy pregnancy moods and issues.

"Dear Lord, thank you it's Saturday! Thank you for the rain! Thank you for my husband, my family, and all the blessings you have surrounded us with today. Amen."

I'm just busy dealing with my fears about the doctor and all that right now.

So to give everyone something to look at today I'm going to post a pic of the RB-M that Bryan tests/drives/delivers. That's him driving, and yes, sometimes I wish I had his job.

It's too hot for me.

Yesterday turned out to be a fairly successful day despite being trapped in the house from wake up at 5:45am until Cindy (my mother in law) got home at about 4:00pm. When she got home I the kids and I were all ready to go, we were about to eat each other alive. So we went out to dinner at Applebees (not my favorite, but there aren't many restaurants in the BL). Then we went over to Target and did a lot of shopping. I finished the clothing part of Aiden's school shopping, complete with socks and underwear. All I have to do know is go back to get the stuff on the school supplies list and find him a backpack. For some reason I didn't like any of the backpacks at Target. I just don't want a generic one I guess (no Power Rangers, ew). I am going to check out Nordie's Rack and REI, and if those fail I am going to go back and get the one I liked at Gap Kids.
The kids were pooped when we got home and the house was like a sauna. It's supposed to be hot again today so we are planning to head up to Lake Tapps for some sprinkler time.
I don't do well pregnant in the summer. I have been so uncomfortable and bloated. I don't remember being this miserable when I was 40 weeks with Jack. So I am sure I will feel so much better when the fall weather comes along (which I am dying for anyway).
Bryan is supposed to be home tomorrow. The weather is supposed to cool down a little tomorrow. So the goal is to enjoy today for what it is, and take comfort in knowing it should be over tomorrow.
I'm hungry for seafood.

"Lord, please bring unexpected blessings our way today. Thank you for the wonderful blessing of yesterday, and the things we are looking forward to tomorrow. Please help us to see all kinds of great opportunities, big and small, in our day today. Hold my friends who need you today. There are some people I know who are experiencing terrible loneliness right now, and some who are still struggling with physical ailments and illness. Please hold my friends close and bring them relief in your time and your way. Amen."

Hair Cuts and Baby Stuff

I want to by in a good mood today, but I know that I am going to be stuck in the house. Bryan is in Oregon until Thursday and he has the truck. Oh bum.

Anyway, yesterday was great! My mom and I took the boys to get hair cuts at the Fun Kuts in Tacoma. It was Jacks first hair cut and he did great. Nobody cried or anything.

Then we went over to the Tacoma mall and bought out Gap kids. We also went to Penny's and The Punkin Patch. I'm going to have to take some pics of Aiden in his new school clothes, but Bryan has our camera. The pics I am going to post at the top from the hair cut are from my mom's camera.

Then after the boys couldn't handle anymore shopping we went over to Red Robin for lunch. Yum.

When we got back in the car the kids were whiny and completely falling apart, but I wanted to make just one last stop. I noticed the Once Upon a Child store was right across the parking lot from Red Robin, so I just wanted to run inside (I had never been there before) and see what it was like. OH MY GOODNESS!! We left about am hour later (kids screaming) with a gorgeous practically new bassinet/co sleeper/play-yard/changing station, and the Papsan bouncer seat to match the Papasan swing I got when Jack was born. We only spent $70!!!! I saved about $110 from what I would have paid fro those things new (which they practically were). So here is my ad for Once Upon a Child! You have to check it out if you are looking for baby stuff! I am a total snob when it comes to baby stuff and am very picky, and they really impressed me because they had everything. I wish I could go back today because there were so many other things I wanted to get but couldn't stay because my kids were malfunctioning. So I'll post some pics of my new spoils asap.

Then we came home and had a really boring evening alone with out Bryan.

Well, I have a Dr's appointment tomorrow afternoon, and he is going to make an appointment, probably for next wee, for me to have my diagnostic ultrasound. It hit me just last night that I am really nervous about this scan. I have been told so far that everything looks good, but I know how this whole thing could go. pray for me. I even had a moment last night when I thought "I don't want anyone to go with me, I'm not even going to tell my family when I'm having it so that no one can ask me about it or try to go with me". (((sigh))) My innocence is lost.

"Lord, thank you for the blessings in my life. We have so much more than we even realize. Please forgive me for all the things I take for granted. Amen."

What we are teaching our kids and what they are teaching us.

We are doing school shopping for the first time today! Aiden and Jack are both getting hair cuts and new clothes. I am going to do our school supplies shopping and a day alone with Aiden another day. School starts September 2, that's less than a month away! I am sooooo excited for him. I don't even know how to describe this feeling. My mother in law is shocked that I am not the least bit sad about Aiden starting school, but I don't understand why I should be. I loved kindergarten, and really all of elementary school. I am going to be very involved and I am just so excited about the whole thing! I want my kids to grow and learn. I love them when they are babies, but I want them to grow up and become contributing, and fulfilled people. And I must add that Aiden has had so many behavioral struggles, I know that this is the next phase in helping him to work through those things. I can't really help him by keeping him at home, I'm not a professional. There are days when he has me so worn out, and has just sucked all the energy out of me. It is the right time for me to let others help me. So let that be encouragement to all moms with behavioral 3 and 4 year olds out there, nobody expects you to be able to go it all alone. I am the type of person that isn't afraid to say "hey! I'm really struggling here! I love my child but I don't know what he needs right now." I have had friends who begin to feel like "bad parents" when they don't know what to do with their spirited child, and they (and their kid) suffer in silence for way to long. Anyway, so that's another subject I would love to get mail from you guys about. Email or call me, even if you are nervous to share your feelings out loud. I've already been there. I have had so many day when I wanted to give up because my cup was so empty. And not all spirited children have issues that are as obvious as Aiden's, sometimes it is something you just can't quite put your finger on, or you just keep thinking "maybe all preschoolers are this way and I just didn't know it". Being a parent is HARD!
And on that note, I wanted to remind mommies to sign up for MOPS for the fall. If you don't know what that is, or you want to but need more info just let me know. I attend the MOPS group at Bethany Baptist on South Hill, although the church is just the host, it is not a branch or ministry lead by my church. I can even forward you a registration form if you would like!

"Lord, bless our children and the plans you have made for their future. Help them to learn and grow everyday. Help us as parents to make the right choices in leading them to adulthood. Thank you for the joy and lessons they bring to our lives. Amen."

Such a Busy Weekend!!

We have spent so much time in the car this weekend. Oh my. Friday, Bryan and I went to Astoria,OR to be there when boat #2 arrived. We went out for lunch and took a long drive home on hw101 along the beach. It was a little cloudy but the sky was full of kites. Very cool.
We also hit up Red Robin in Olympia on the way home.
Yesterday, I got up early and headed to WallyWorld to get some snacks to put in the cooler for the day. I took Jack with me because he was already awake too. Then our whole family went up to Downtown Park in Bellevue for Bryan's company picnic. The kids played until they were whiny. We won a bunch of stuff in the free raffle. We saw the Blue Angels practicing, and I never get tired of that, it's so awesome. Then Bryan's mom took the kids home with her, and Bryan and I headed over to Woodinville. We met up with my parents and our friends Rebecca and Paul at the Smooth Jazz Festival. We relaxed, ate a lot of good snacks, and listened to so jazz (which is totally foreign to Bryan and me).
Then we finally got home last night and crashed. I was so tired, but the kids woke up early and I have a long list of things to do today. Bryan is taking the truck back down to Astoria with him tomorrow so I have to run all my errands today, so I'm going to play hooky from church (something I do a lot in the summer). I think this is going to be another crazy week.

'Thank you Lord for such a fun weekend. Thank you for all the quality time I spent with my husband. Thank you for so many blessings. Amen."