Yesterday I got up and ready in such a good mood. I start out pretty much everyday in a good mood. I went online to check and make sure I had everything I needed to go finish registering Aiden for school. When I was taking a peek at the kindergarten school calender for the month of September I almost passed out.
Some of you may already know about this or have already had kids in kindergarten in similar districts, so please excuse my sock....
the kindergarten here in sumner is split into two sections. Blue and Red. Blue goes to school on Mondays and Thursdays, red on Tuesdays and Fridays.
That's right, two days a week.
I am pretty sure my heart actually stopped beating. I went into absolute panic! "This isn't going to work! He's never going to make it through an eight hour school day! What about me!? I need help! I needed those mornings! Oh my gosh, I'm having a baby! HELP!!!"
I went into survival mode. I went directly to the Puyallup School District website. We have a Puyallup address here, although we are technically in Sumner school dist. So Shaw Elementary is just down the road. I was relieved to see they still have a regular am pm kinder schedule.
So after walking in circles for about 30 minutes until Jack woke up at 7, I decided I needed to go talk to somebody at the Sumner Administration office.
So we all put our sweats on and jumped in the truck.
When I pulled in the parking lot I somehow had the presence of mind to remember to pray. I asked specifically for a solution, and a solution right now :) That's much bossier than my normal "give me peace no matter what" style.
I went in. The receptionist pointed me in the right direction. After speaking to this very nice patient lady for about five minutes (she could probably smell my desperation) she said "Don't worry. We'll have one of our school psychologists talk to him, them we'll just make him a modified schedule."
Modified schedule? Just for Aiden? HALLELUJAH!!!! wow, that was fast. I know they really do care about the kids, but I just didn't imagine they would make a completely new schedule specifically for him. He will probably go to school for a couple hours mon, tues, thurs, fri (there is no school on weds). They completely understood right away.
Aiden is the kind of kid who relies on doing the same thing the same way everyday. If he only had school two days a week he would be throwing a tantrum every morning when there is no school and not understanding why mommy won't let him go. And it would be nearly impossible to get him dressed and in the car on the days when he does need to go. Not to mention he needs special therapy at school, and 2 days a weeks is not going to be very helpful.
Anyway, then we left. I had planned on spending the whole day chipping away at this problem. Instead, we went to Fred Meyer and went home for naps.
The cherry on top... it rained the whole drive home. It washed away the stress of the morning. It reminded me that God loves Aiden more than I do and he is going to do what's best for him. He also knew how I was going to react to this problem. I think that's probably why I found out at home on the computer and not in the school office!
So, I know this blog is already getting long, but there is more.
I finally got a phone call yesterday afternoon from the Neuro Development and Birth defects clinic at Children's letting me know they reviewed the referral from Aiden's doctor and they are ready to schedule him for some testing. So we are on the calender October the 8th. (back to "thank goodness for the school" because their psychologist is going to help us in the meantime) I think I really knew he would qualify, but it was stressful to wait. I'm just ready for help.
The kids were a disaster yesterday. I cried a couple of times because I'm so aware of things right now. Every time Aiden throws a tantrum or won't put his clothes on I notice he isn't like other 5 1/2 year olds. I want him to be, I guess. I think I must me grieving. I'm mostly okay with all the "diagnosis" and things , because I am so worn out (speaking of worn out, my typing just got interrupted by the mega-tantrum of the century)
You all know I am about honesty for the good of others. So let me share a little more about what it feels like to parent a child with an autism spectrum disorder:
I love him. He was such a good baby. He slept through the night at 8 weeks old, 12 hours a night. He never cried for no reason. He was cuddly, and sweet.
Then around the age of 2 1/2, he changed. He can't handle the smallest stimulation. When he tantrums he looks like a rabid animal. It's not the baby I used to love. I don't know where that baby went.
I love him, but all day he is fighting me. He is constantly telling me things like "I don't like your voice" "I don't want to hear you" and "leave me alone". He can get aggressive. I've been kicked, pinched, bit.
So I love him, but there are days when I don't want to look at him because all he has done is try to hurt me or Jack, or yell, or make weird noises.
There is really apart of him that seems normal, which is complicated because now we have had to resort to telling people about his problems because otherwise they will expect him to act like other 5 year olds, and he can't. The girl who works in his Sunday school class just looked at me blankly when I tried to talk to her.
So, yes, I love him, but most days it is Agape love. Love that I don't have on my own. I have to use the love that God has given me to see past it all. To have hope. To make it to bed time.
So anyway, this was mostly a rant, but it's real. As you can see, God saw this coming. I know that because I have made it this far. He has made it possible.
"Lord, help me to find a moment of rest today. Amen."
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