I just wanted to write a little "pre-Christmas" blog entry. I haven't posted for ages, I have been very committed to trying to really focus on what's going on around me, and make sure all my priorities are strait.

The real reason is that I wanted to brag (and repent) a little about my kids. They have been through so much this year, and with out them I think I wouldn't have had a reason to keep getting out of bed every morning. They lost everything that was normal and safe in their little world, EXCEPT us and Jesus.

I admit I really expected some very negative side effects from all of these changes. I thought for sure they would be acting out, angry, sad, and displaced. But they aren't. They're fantastic. I really think that, although the losses were painful, and change was hard, we were following what God wanted us to do in this season in life. The call often hasn't made sense to us, but he has continually protected our children.

Since living here (in this tiny living space) we have put nearly ALL their toys in storage. I am a little OCD about clutter (I'm not a neat-freak, but clutter increases my anxiety) so minimizing as much as possible was my only option. There are still days when one of the kids will ask something like: "where's my Lightning McQueen cars?", and I have to say: "remember, honey, they're in storage, and we'll see them again someday."
So, as any mom can imagine, it has been HARD work to keep them entertained in a small space with not much to do.
But here's what I noticed when I was watching them play today:
They are SO content. I even asked Jack what he wants for his birthday and he literally couldn't think of anything, and got angry when I asked him again later. They just like to talk to each other, move around, look at books, sing together, and are truly happy with what they have.
I am so proud of them. They are some of the strongest little people I know, and have over-come more challenges than many adults I know.
So, not to leave anyone fretting or feeling sad for them, they are going to have a fantastic Christmas (and birthdays on the 28th and 30th). It may actually be more than they can handle...
I hope you all, like me have really taken the time to evaluate what you are teaching your children, not just with the Christmas season, but with your lifestyle. The hard road is often the road to character and success. I am so thankful that the difficulties in my life have been used to make my children stronger people.

So for the repenting: I don't know if they ever have or ever will have another Christmas like this one. We DO NOT put an emphasis on gifts etc, but this is the season we are in and it's a small way to bring a little sunshine into their life. Hopefully it don't come back to bite me next week when I have to take back everything I've said previously.

I have several blogging friends who participate in "Thursday Thanks...", and I love reading those posts. It's so important to take time to recognize all the blessings God has provided us with, because if we don't we are apt to start viewing God as selfish and impersonal. Today is not Thursday, but I wanted to take the time to make a list of "thanks". I think I'm writing this post more for myself to view than anyone else, but I hope that it can be used for others as well.
The list actually is going to start a few years back, not just things from this past week. As I said, I'm really writing it for my own recognition of Gods work in my life, and I just want to see some of the major things all put together.
If my "Thank you Lord for the Life you have given me" list brings up some memories and feelings about your own life, please make a list or blog of your own, and make sure you let me know how it turns out.
Lastly, fall is always a very meaning time of year for me. Six years ago in the month of October, our unborn son was diagnosed via ultrasound, with genetic abnormalities that would ultimately end his life. October is "Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness" month. If you have lost a pregnancy or infant, I will be having a vigil through the 15th of October (Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day) on my other blog http://likemaryandmartha.blogspot.com/  Please visit their and leave your babies name/birthday/heavenday or any other thing you like to commemorate your loss.

I am Thankful for

~ The day I  married my husband, Bryan, January 5, 2002.

~ The day my son, Aiden Conner, was born. February 18 2003. Looking back I realize that he had challenges (autism/etc) even on that day, but I wouldn't change a thing.

~ The day my son, Nolan Michael, was born and born again in heaven. March 21 2005. This includes every day of his life, spent right next to my heart.

~ The day Jackson Cash was born. My FAVORITE birth experience BY FAR. Amazing. I would have 100 children if it would always be like that day. Cutest baby EVER.
~The day I found out I was pregnant with Lucy, just a month after my 5th miscarriage, when we had decided we wouldn't try for anymore children.

~ The day my daughter, Lucy Clover was born, via emergency c-section, on my 26th birthday, December 30, 2008.

~ The day Bryan lost his job, in June 2010. It's hard to explain, but it was an answer to prayer.

~ The day we sold our truck, last Friday.

In my heart, the list is much longer, with lots of joy, loss, suffering. I just can't explain it all.

On selling the truck

Life isn't always like this. Sometimes, to the glory of God, we have to whether the storm like soldiers. Knowing about what Jesus, a real man who suffered real pain, went through, not just for us but BECAUSE of us, we should be able to stand up during difficulty and have courage.
BUT, sometimes God intervenes and calms the storm. It isn't based on anything we have done, but His love Grace and mercy toward our human condition. I don't believe in a distant mythical God who looks down at the chaos of the world. Jesus, my God is personal. He has experienced life in a physical body, with all that is included. People hated him, because he was a pioneer in civil rights, women's rights, and a friend to the suffering and oppressed. I never have to think of my God as someone who doesn't understand how crappy life is, who is privileged and pompous.
This is all about His Grace and Love, something I STRUGGLE to understand in a real and complete way. Everyone looks at a particular part of Christianity or the bible and thinks "most of this is true, but probably not that". Some people have a hard time with creation, and seeing that God created the science in the world (as if science were to exact for some sloppy god) or maybe struggling to understand why the bible is relevant to our lives now. For me, however, the struggle has been with God's unconditional Grace and Love.
I struggle to BELIEVE that "God" would love each person, and I struggle to believe God would give Grace to each individual person. I know that it's true, because I believe in the accuracy, completeness, authority, and God inspired Bible, and the bible tells me about the size of God's Grace and Love.
So why do I struggle? because of my own personal pain and loss. There were times I was allowed to suffer, struggle, or fall. There has been a pretty heavy amount of loss in my life, and in working out my grief I always come down to one question "if he loves me so much, then why did this happen?"
But the truth is, the real answer lies not with in "how good has God been to me?" but with in my own personal sin, incompetence, depravity, and inability to save myself. People try to be their own "personal savior" their whole life. Using tools like but not limited to: money, power, religion, self-righteousness, physical fitness, and good intentions to try to make themselves whole. Trying to make all their mistakes, weaknesses, and losses go away or become justified somehow. But the fact is we can't.
So today, God has used His Grace and Love in an area of my life that could have seemed like a nice coincidence to someone else. But today I'm going to choose to see the Love behind it. I need to learn this lesson. It's the only way to allow the pain to be fully His, and not hang on to it for myself. I have to accept both the lessons from pain and the lessons from joy, not only the things that turn out the way I want.

Last week was CRAY-ZEY. We were confronted with financial issues that could have been pretty devastating. As a family we have had to work really hard to overcome many financial blows from this past year. We had to learn to do the right thing to the glory of Jesus, and not because we thought there would be pay off or a reward in the end. Medical bills, Bryan's job loss, moving from Washington to Wisconsin, and so many other unexpected things along the way.
Last week we came to realize that with things the way they are we weren't going to have an easy time of getting financed to buy our truck when it's lease is up this week. Thursday I was praying about this, when something happened that is rare and unusual for me. God answered me on the spot. We weren't supposed to keep the truck. it all made sense and I knew we had to give it up in order to receive whatever God had planned for us.
But there was a problem. I knew Bryan wasn't going to like this idea. It was something that had been briefly discussed before and not positively on his part. I was pretty sure my asking him to do something like give back his truck and settle for something less was going to really tick him off. So really, I prayed about it. I prayed about it for about 2 hours with out ever receiving peace on the issue, when my phone chimed. Bryan sent me a text, humbly asking me if I would be okay with it if he just turned the truck in.
WHOA.
When he got home a few hours later we were both so relieved to be on the same page,  both feeling strongly that it was truly what God was asking us to do. But now we had the issue of finding out how we were ever going to afford another vehicle. We were nearly broke as it was. We knew that we were being led to pay cash for something, so that we had no monthly payment or investment in a car, leaving that money open to other use. So we turned to good old Craigslist. We searched and made offers on a few things. This vehicle had to run, and have enough room to squeeze in 3 kids. Finding such a thing for the amount we had allotted was proving to be impossible. So we prayed about it some more. We both felt very strongly that we should not spend over $500 for this car. (I think that's because God didn't want us to become vain and start making prideful decisions about what we wanted) Bryan found one car that ran, and was listed at almost $1000, but at this point he was getting serious about our budget, and despite the number of sellers who had been really irritated at his low offers, he offered $450 for a car that was clearly worth more. NEVER did we expect almost an immediate response (which is also rare when using Craigslist) that simply said "its a deal".
So, on Saturday we went and picked up our new family car.
I'm not telling this story to brag about what an awesome deal we got, I just wanted to allow people to see this example of the way God provides when you follow his will. Now we have a car and no car payments. And, it's a pretty nice care believe it or not. It's a volvo and it has every bell and whistle and everything works!
Now, to continue the story (sorry, there's more) we are now trying to sell the Nissan instead of turning it in. It would make a HUGE impact on us financially to be able to sell. I would appreciate all of your prayers on this, we only have DAYS before we have to turn it in. I know at this point that it is totally up to the mercy of God, and if it isn't meant to be it isn't meant to be, but I am really hoping.

So, here's the second story, which is much shorter. most of my friends know that I have been having health issues. Praise God we started up our insurance last night and we can now go to the doctor whenever we want. We also have full eye and dental coverage, which is a good thing because the kids ruined my last set of contacts last night by filling the case with tap water.
Anyway, so I have praying a lot about my energy level, and that I will find a doctor who can help me, or that God wold heal me. Several months ago I started to develop a large cyst or something on the side of my foot. untreated it continued to grow and cause pain. I don't know what happened, all I know is that I had been praying that it wouldn't rupture (because I know that would be super painful and could cause infection) and that everything would work out if I was told I needed surgery (which it was pretty obvious I would).
Then last night when I was reading to the kids, I noticed that the pain and pressure in that part of my foot just "wasn't there". I was so used to the pain, it had been there for months. I reached down to rub my foot to feel only foot. It was gone. Seriously, just gone. I realize there are probably plenty of medical explanations for this, and that doesn't surprise me because God created the human body and all its functions, but really I was shocked. To shocked to even think about it. I think it took about 30 minutes to tell Bryan, and not even with any enthusiasm, because I was just too shocked.

So, there is my testimony for the first week of October. I love October, and I love fall. This is the beginning of a bittersweet holiday season for me every year, when I can't avoid or deny the blessings and presence of God in my life. No matter how difficult the rest of the year has been.

I'm going to go to Starbucks and get a pumpkin pie spice latte now.

Family Update

Here's just a little update on what's been going on with our family here in Wisconsin:

Aiden is getting into the swing of things at school, making friends, loosing teeth, and getting chased by girls. The babies and I have been enjoying some down-time at home. Bryan was recently made an official full time employee at work (he was on a 90 day probationary period since June). This means our new health care will start up October 1st, a HUGE answer to prayer.
Friends please continue to keep us in your prayers, we are still adjusting to our new life here.
If you would like to pray for us specifically here is our list of requests at this time:
- Continued success for Bryan at work
- Guidance and patience for us in deciding what to do about our living situation. We are still in a 2 bedroom apartment, and are trying to decide how long to stay here and what the plan should be next. It's so hard for me to have patience in this area!
- Health issues. I am having some issues (praise God for health insurance!) And Aiden is going to be having some more testing and evaluations. I'll keep you posted.
- A vehicle. We sold the motorcycle to help pay for our move out here, and now we only have one vehicle. This is becoming a challenge and we are concerned about winter. It is about an 8 minute walk to the bus stop, and I have to take all the kids with me. Temperatures go well below 0 here in the winter. Please pray that we would find a solution.

we are really excited to see my parents here next month, and then to be visiting my family in Indiana over Thanksgiving holiday.

Friends, if there is anything I can be praying for for you please feel free to email me likemaryandmartha@yahoo.com

I love to hear from anyone who has questions or concerns!

My new blog is up (and mostly running).
Please check it out :)

http://likemaryandmartha.blogspot.com/

So here are the latest details:

I am working on a new blog that will be up and running sometime nextweek. I think it's going to be a good outlet/ministery for the season I am in right now. Think: tattoos, Jesus, cooking, music, kids, relationships, and lots more cool stuff. I will basically be doing writing about stuff I find, my perspective on life, and throwing in some really cool stuff from other people. My awsome friend (and my brothers girlfriend), Rhianna, is an amazing artist and is currently working on some original work for my page. I also have a little give-away planned. So, there is lots of exciting stuff in the works.

So here is what I need from my friends and readers:

Do you have a cool tattoo or piercing? does it have a story? Send me pics of your fav tats to likemaryandmartha@yahoo.com

ALSO, if you have an adorable baby, untrasound pic or baby bump you want to share? Please send me your pics to likemaryandmartha@yahoo.com

Different pics will be updated every few weeks, so when you have something to share send it my way! (none of the photos used will be used for any purposes other than my blog and will not be sent to anyone else, all photos recieved will be archived and potentially used at a later time)

My poor little blog, forgotten and neglected for so long. No, not really forgotten, I just couldn't write. I've been quietly contemplating, the last few weeks, how to renew and restart this blog. The change is based on the changes in my life. I am still not sure what I'm going to do. There were times when I wanted to tell all of my friends, or anyone who might still check this blog for signs of life, exactly what has been going on in my life from my perspective.

So, I am going to do a little more planning and have a GRand Re-Openning the beginning of next week.

Until then, if you can please pray for me:

1: I have been dealing with an ulcer for almost a month, and am waiting for our new health insurence to kick in in just a few weeks.

2: My other "health problems" have returned, and I am trying not to be controlled by them.

3: Bryan and I have some big decisions to make. He will be starting classes in the fall, he still isn't sure what the best course of action to take is going to be. He wants to go to bible seminary, but isn't sure the best road to take and where to go. We are trying to take it one day at a time, but it's hard when there are so many needs and we feel called to help in so many areas.

4: I am signing Aiden up for school in the fall, he is ambivilant about returning to public school. I am praying for good placement and success for him this year, and help with early planning to get him in to an excellent charter school next year.

I would love to get some emails or messages from anyone who wants to write me! I can't say that I'm "lonely", but it's nice to hear from friends while making this big adjustment.

Ok, so a few people are asking about prices. It's so hard for me to even know what to ask. Here is a list of some of the things and what I would LIKE to get for them.

TRain table with all track and pieces (there is wear and tear on one side of the table, it's hard to explain, so interrested parties should look first) $45? I think they still retail for quite around 120...? It does have drawers that hold all the bits when you want to put them away.

Thomas the Tank stuff. Lots of it. On one hand it is all very pricey retail, but it's been loved and played with. I really want it to go with the train table, it makes more sense that way. I was thinking around $20, but together maybe $60?
This includes a train carrying case, lots of di-cast trains, some play sets like a windmill thing. It's just hard to know what would be appropriate. And, I must add that I am quite sad and hesitant about this, but the boys have really moved past the Thomas phase and they never play with the table anymore.

Fridge... umm, I saw a similar one on craiglist for $150. Its a nice big side by side, the only problem is the door water/ice dispenser doesn't work right. I must say having an extra freezer in the garage has made a pretty big difference in my grocery bills.

Other stuff is just kinda "make a donation", like I said I can't really list everything.

For Sale

Now that we know we are going to be moving we are planning another garage sale. Before doing that I wanted to let all my friends know that they have first dibbs. Here is a list of some of the things for sale, if you are interrested just let me know.

Train table with wooden track, trains, airport and accessories

Large bin of Thomas the Tank Engine toys

Baby/0-12 mos type toys (ie donut stacker, see-n-say, peeka-blocks etc)

Amish style rocking chair

lots of garden decor and pots w/and w/o plants

garage refridgerator (nice big side by side)


-There will be more, and there are LOTS of smaller toys I won't list here. I will have a garage sale very soon, so you can wait for that, but wanted to give friends a chance to come look first. I'm really negotiable on prices, I really just want everything to go, and make a little travel money in the process.

This week has been a storm! Bryan lost his job (that's putting the circumstances into a polite view), we celebrated his 28th birthday a couple days later, and all kinds of other little things.
I'm EXHAUSTED.
I've decided not to talk publicly about the terms of Bryan's release from Kvichak at this time. Sometimes you have to let the whole thing "playout" first, ya know? But I will talk about how this has affected us individually and as a family, to God be the glory.
Crushed, devastated, shocked. Bryan has worked very hard to get to the position he was at in the company. We as a family have made lots of sacrifices.
What happens when someone uses deceit, slander, and crooked tactics to attack us and take what they want? Here is a few things I have learned this weeks:

-23Don't have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. 24And the Lord's servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. 25Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, 26and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will. -2 Timothy 2:23

This comes from a section that my bible has titled "The Unashamed Workman". This is how we are to deal with the people who oppose us in the workplace, and in other places.

I also found myself rereading Psalm 142, 143, 143

Have you ever struggled with someone managing to let struggles enter your life because of false claims made against you? It is very hard when you, if you are a Christian, work very hard to live with integrity and honesty, and THAT is exactly where Satan decides to attack you. It hurts when people purposefully damage your reputation. Trying to figure out how to save your honor and defend yourself, and learning when to walk away.

This week someone lied, threatened, and ultimately walked away with my husband's job, and the food off our table. Why? I don't know. Here's what my husband had to say about these circumstances this morning;

"A few months ago this would had really messed with me. I'm angry, but things are different now. Leading up to this: God brought us to Mars Hill, gave us some great friends, and prepared us. Now I feel like it's not that bad. Jesus suffered and died, he was innocent, and he took it, just so people like me and *** (guy who planned this whole mess) can live our lives. This pails in comparison."

Loosing but not lost

There are pieces for a really long post that are building up in my mind. For now, because I am a little dysfunctional, I'm just going to keep it short-ish.

I want to first tell all of you a little blurb that I wrote in my prayer journal very early this morning, before I knew what was coming my way.

And I quote, uh... myself:
"Lord, please forgive me for the extreme fear and cowardice I have toward suffering as of lately. What I should be saying is 'Let it come'."

Then just a couple hours later my husband walked through the door with a paper in his hand, telling him he had been laid off. What does it mean? I dunno yet. I have some hopes, some ideas, some faith. But your prayers would be so helpful. This hurts, it really hurts. We did not see is coming, whatsoever.

Psalm 119:50
My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life.



Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.
- 1 Peter 5:7-11

The Weekend in review:


Bryan is finally home. All week last week, while he was in Florida, I decided to have a "theme" for my week: "Empowering Grace". What does that mean? Well, recently I listened to some awesome teaching on the topic of grace. It was interesting to me, because the idea of grace coming from a God of the universe sounded ridiculous to me. Why? What does that even mean? Well, I'll let you do some research later if you are wondering the same thing, but one way that Christians, and only Christians who have the Holy Spirit, receive God's grace in the form of empowerment. That would be God allowing us to make it through difficult or impossible situations with out falling apart. That moment when you think "ok, I'm done, that's too much", that's when God's grace takes over the situation. It's kinda like that drive home late at night, and when you pull in the driveway you realize you don't even remember the last hour on the road....
So, knowing that I was going to be pulled in every direction through a VERY busy week with no daddy to come to the rescue at night, I decided I was going to choose to go into the week relying on "Empowering Grace".
To sum it all up, my week went perfectly well. Everyone was tired, but of course everyone was abnormally well behaved and larger amounts of housework were accomplished. I don't know what else to say, except you should try this sometime (optimally every day :)
Ok, so lots of other things have been going on. We're being tried financially, and in many other ways. We're taking things one step at a time. There are some things I don't talk about on my blog because I don't want to set it to private. But change seems to be on the horizon, AGAIN.
We are now attending services at Mars Hill, at the Federal Way campus. I have been talking about this for weeks, and probably driving everyone CRAZY. But seriously, it's good. Even if you aren't looking for a change or a church, I highly recommend clicking on the link I included here and just enjoying some good teaching.
Tah-dah! Happy Monday!

http://www.marshillchurch.org/media/religionsaves/grace

I have several friends that do regular "thankful" themed posts on Thursdays or other days of the week. I'm going to use that idea today to post a few things I am deeply thankful for this week.

1. Friends. Remember a few months ago when I wrote a post on "friendship" and different phases in life. So, it's not that anything has really "changed". I don't really have a bosom buddy or a bff. BUT, God has really put some awesome people in my life, in just the right areas, and just the right ways. I wouldn't be able to maintain a bff type relationship, and nor would I want to with a hubby, three kids, and home. I can't stretch much farther. SO instead over the past 6 months or so I have become aware of the friends I have, who also are in the same position, and have learned how to maintain some really healthy relationships with out feeling drained. Through this realization I have realized I really "love" some of these girls! You know what I mean. I miss them if I haven't seen them in a couple weeks, and I really love their interesting personalities and lives. If you are reading this and you are wondering if I'm talking about you, I probably am! ((hug))This is what friendship looks like during motherhood, CONGRATULATIONS! haha

2. My husband. I always love him, but right now I am so proud of him and blah blah blah. I'm not good with the mushy love stuff. But you when you see real growth in your spouse, as a person, AND as a Christian it is sooooo wonderful. (no I'm not trying to say he had maturity problems before, but we got married at 19 for peet sakes)

3. My kids. They are... I dunno, I'm pretty affluent (ha! I meant "affluent with words!" when I went back and read this I laughed cause I'm broke as a joke!) but I can't think of a word to go here. Bryan has been in Florida all week, and not once have I wished to be aways from the homschool, potty training, fussing, and fiascoes. I have been able to really see them clearly this week. I'm TOTALLY exhausted, and completely awake and energized at the same time.

4. The most important one I saved for last. So anyone who is still reading and wants to know WHY in the world I'm so chipper, here it is. I have given up "religion". I mean it. It wasn't right for me. I have left all the rules behind and decided that I want to live my life differently. "What?" "Really?", you're thinking.
Jesus did not come to earth to give us rules, he came here to take all the man made rules, bureaucracy, legalism, hypocrisy, and Pharisaical crap and shove it right back in the face of man and Satan (the one who wants to use rules and bs to scare you away from Jesus). I am so happy because I have chosen to stop going through with "commitments", "rituals", and "superstition" that had nothing to do with the man Jesus or anything that he stood for. So I'm back to basics. I don't want anyone to think that I am saying that the church I belonged to or other churches like it were "wrong" or evil in anyway, but I think Satan was using the repetition, shallowness, and circular thought patterns that were lacking in biblical study and deeper thinking, to make me tired, let down, bored, and distracted. So there it is, you heard it here first. I'm done. And what I have already planted in place of that mess is totally changing me. Change is really scary even when it's good, but man you would not believe the stuff that has been happening around me since I made this commitment. People around me are changing, acting crazy, and weird stuff is happening. Love you guys, and I hope you have already experienced this at some point in your life. If you haven't I hope you start doing your own research. Listen to that voice, and that feeling in the pit of your stomach. Life on earth can be so much better.

I feel different. I mean, I really feel different. I hadn't been doing a consistent "bible study" in while. On top of it we have been doing some searching as far as finding a new church home. God kept calling me back to a certain place. I spent MONTHS waiting for Bryan to start coming around. He was just so blah for a while. Then one day, through nothing that had anything to do with me, he started investigating this church online (the same one I had been thinking about). We started listening to the sermons that are available online together. Then I started listening to them every morning,and during the kids nap time. We happen to have some friends we love that already attend this church, and when we told them we will be there next weekend (when Bryan gets home)and would like to visit their community group, they're happy response has only made it that much more natural.
I'm SO happy Bryan and I are both growing as people again and God has really lead us in the same direction. I'm so so so glad for how different I am feeling inside because of how much I have been learning. There was nothing "wrong" with the church we were attending before, but we were getting ZERO out of being there. It just wasn't right anymore. After trying to make it work for about a year we were both just getting farther away from God, His will, joy, and so much more. I was so on fire just less than a year ago, but I was so starved that all I could do was try to make it through each day.
I don't want to talk about the names of the churches, because I'm not trying to promote anything. I'm just saying that if you are tired, bored, complacent, etc in your spiritual growth; maybe it's because you need more. Man can not live on milk alone.
As a result of all this, I have noticed that I have been a much more purposeful mother. I have been more cheerful and content. I have been able to keep my house clean (yes ladies there is a connection there).
While Bryan is gone this week, my goal is to stay focused, keep learning, keep up the clean house, and spend some time in quiet (he was home for a record 6 weeks strait and I was going crazy). And get lots of exercise (which I will be needing lots of prayer for)
This is gonna be a revival.

Back in Business

We had a nice long spring break from bookwork and most homeschool stuff. We relaxed, spent time enjoying each other's company, and also attending some meetings with the school to plan for next year.
Now break is over, and it's time to pull up our bootstraps. I'm guessing we will have about 11 weeks of school left before we're ready to go into summer mode, but it really depends on the pace we keep. Aiden has one more phonics book, which he just started today, that he needs to finish. Also I want to reach our goal of over 50 sight words (we use flash cards) so that he will well exceed the Kindergarten expectations. Once we have done those things we will still work on reading and phonics through the summer, because if he should return to public school at all he would be well ahead of the expectations. He struggled to keep up in the reading/writing areas in the past, so being on par would be a great step in the right direction.
Spring has really arrived at our house, rain and all. We worked on our back yard all week. We're almost done with our little patio makeover. My parents recently sold their house and have downsized between their two condos. We are inheriting a FABULOUS natural gas grill, patio furniture, lots of potted plants, landscaping tools, and more. We are so excited to have the outdoor living space we always fantasized about. I am soooo stoked to start my summer cooking and grilling, and have a very pleasant place to entertain friends on summer evenings. Thank you so much mom and dad.
On a similarly related note, we will be having a garage sale including my parents extra furniture, some of our extra stuff, and things from our neighbors in our culdesac. If you are into garage saling come check us out. It will be next weekend, Friday and Saturday. Or if you have things to sell just let me know, we are happy to include anyone.
As a product of helping my parents out with this garage sale we will be inheriting their washer and dryer set and getting rid of ours, so if that is something you need let me know.
Again, on a somewhat related note, we are also getting a big garage fridge/refrigerator from my parents. I am sooooo excited because it has completely changed the way I grocery shop. I have been able to stock up on things I didn't have room for before. All those tips I have gotten from my awesome bargain shopping friends are finally paying off!! Thank you thank you Missy http://www.areyouthere-god.com/ and Jen www.thriftynorthwestmom.com and so many other ladies who post your awesome shopping adventures. So if you are wondering what I've been doing? No, I'm not a pro yet, and I'm not particularly organized with my coupons, BUT I have been using fliers to plan my shopping ahead of time. I go to at least three different stores and get what I would usually get, but only where it's on sale. Our meals have gotten so much better! I have been getting some great deals on meat and am ready for the grill. It's been fun. Three cheers for bogos!!!
Ok, so thats about all the info I plan to overload you all with today. As the weather improves I hope for some playdates, some gardening, and a grand finale to this backyard project. Happy Monday :)

First off, I had several comments here and otherwise from ladies asking for more info on the bible study I'm starting. I've only done the first section, so if it stinks I wouldn't know yet, but here's the info:

"Homemaking", Nurturing your family in todays world.
by Tjitske Lemstra and Baukje Doornenbal (Tjitske is from Holland and Baukje is from the Netherlands)
Navpress is the publisher, www.navpress.com

I ordered it, probably from the publisher along with several other studies, a few years ago. I just keep things like that on hand for the times I haven't been participating in the one at church.

An overview of the study would be that it is about encouraging women to A) Recognize why her role in the home IS IMPORTANT, and that it is important to God
B)To help women reconnect with their inner selves, and personality, after the feeling of be "lost" in her role as homemaker. If anyone chooses to to it to we could always have a get together when we are done to share what we learned, etc. Otherwise, I hope this is helpful info.

So, as for today, Tuesday March 30, I didn't want to get out of bed. Something today has me so bound up and anxious. I have a meeting with a healthcare advocate who may be able to get us the healthcare we need, especially for Aiden, but obviuosly for us as a family. All the changes in the system are so confusing to me right now. I realize that on the whole, the Christian community is very upset with the bill that was passed, and that it requires all to have healthcare, therefore taking away our right to choose.
BUT (and please don't be angry, I'm just being honest) after all the medical issues we have had to deal with this past year, and running out of money to give our children the care that they need, I maybe a little hopeful. I'm hoping that the changes will make it possible for families like ours, who aren't poor enough for medicaid, but not rich enough for the $400 per month healthcare offered through Bryan's work, to recieve healthcare we can afford. We shouldn't have to choose between putting food on the table and being able to go to the doctor. The amount of money the hospital was allowed to charge us ON TOP of what our insurance was paying was cripling us, and could have cost us our place to live. For years Bryan and I have marveled at how the health care in other countries is FREE to tax paying citizens! I don't think this damages their constitutional rights. In fact as a member of this coutry its something that I always though should kinda be "included". I realize that the people who have more will have to pay more, and that they worked really hard to get to where they are, and that it's not "fair" that they should have to pay for some family of a guy who didn't go to college or whatever. But look here, when there are people, children, babies, and grandparents who are suffering and you never even tried to help, even though you worked really hard for the money you have, God is still gonna ask you "why?" when you get to heaven, and you won't be able to hide behind that cash when you get there. It's a sad day when the goevernment has to force it's people to share something like healthcare. It's not a want, it's a need.
Ok, I know that may be all ignorance, assumption, and left-wingedism (which I am not). But in the light of this meeting I am having today, I can't help turning it over in my mind over and over. I am always against more "laws", we don't need them and they take away from the rights of the majority, etc etc. BUT isn't healthcare something that should have already been protected in our basic rights a long time ago? TAKE THE CONTROL AWAY FROM THE INSURANCE COMPANIES AND THE PHARMESUTICAL COMPANIES. Does our advancment in technology go down, maybe, but we'll all die someday no matter what. Do I think that too much technology takes away from our true quality of life, yes I do. The system is defective and must be changed, and it's going to hurt. But the power was already in the wrong hands. So, my solution is to pray that over the years and years it will take for real change to happen in this arena, that the change will be to benefit even "the least of us". Jesus would have wnated that drug addict to have healthcare.

The Skinny on being Fat

Hello there, blogger friends. Over the past couple years that I have had this blog I have been trying to define in my mind what this blog is about. When it all gets laid out on the table, I'd say it's pretty eclectic. I have my blog that is strictly for "writing", bu this one is always just about whatever is going on in my life at the time. I also go through phases where I don't want to write at all. Or times when I continually revisit the same issues over, and over, and over (sorry).
So today I'm in to mood to revisit one of those old issues, along with any new epiphanies I have had on the subject.
As a female, I have had weight and health issues for as long as I can remember. In high school I didn't work out, I just accepted myself the way I was even though I wasn't perfect. Since then there has been college, marriage, babies, and all kinds of other issues. Most of you probably realize that I'm mentioning all these things because they often affect a person's physical well being. I have gained weight, and I have lost it. I have been happy, and I have been depressed.
This time last year I was on the fast track to great health. By summer I was in the best shape I had been in for years. I actually went out and bought a bathing suit. Then came: medications, vacations, holidays, birthdays; and the weight returned. Somehow the exercise and healthy eating that had made me feel so fantastic and energetic fell by the wayside. I could have gotten back on the band wagon pretty easily until we decided to home school. Once all the kids were home with me all day, I started getting depressed (another battle I have been fighting off and on for years). I just lost myself so easily. "I" became teacher, snot rag, kitchen slave. How I looked and felt DIDN'T MATTER to anyone else, so of course it stopped mattering to me. Once I realized what had happened, it was too late.

"Where am I? I don't want to fell this way! How can I get back what I was just a few short months ago?"

I stared to slip into that sad place of self loathing and indifference. I kept thinking, "If I don't like how I look right now, then why don't I feel really inspired to change?" And weeks went by, and my frustration grew. I couldn't get motivated, I wanted too so badly. I wanted to find the determination and motivation that came so easily just less than a year ago.But every time I couldn't find it in myself to change I got more and more sad, which equaled more and more food. "Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate, ACK!"
Then it dawned on me just a few days ago, I couldn't get motivated because I didn't like myself. I couldn't see the potential in myself. Why would I make sacrifices when it all seemed so futile?
So I did what any over thinking, analytical, introvert would do; I went to the library website to order about 10 books on health, fitness, diabetes, sugar, etc, with some cookbooks and work out DVDs thrown in for fun. (Remember, I would live at the library if I could)
So, for part II of the realization that didn't occur until after an very extended trip to the library: The Body Spirit Connection. I haven't been doing my bible study in almost 2 months!! I have dried up. I had been trying to figure out, aside from the things going on in my home, why I had been so down on myself. In fact, I was wondering why I was thinking about myself so much in the first place! That's actually kind of unlike me, I mean to be so self-obsessed and down right vain! When I was in good health I didn't really spend much time gazing in the mirror, or pondering how to make myself "happier". I exercised AND spent time with God everyday. I didn't need to second guess myself, and whether I was "good enough" for other people. I had such clarity in all areas of my life. So, this is the part where I go on a hunt for a devotional. I think I have decided to do one that I happened to already have on hand that is written to encourage "Homemakers". It just sounded wholesome, nutritious, and appealing; like comfort food!
So this is where I am today. One step at a time. I have given the fridge and pantry a little make-over, and I am ready to start fresh. This week is spring break, so I can be sure to have plenty of time for the things I NEED to do for me, with out worrying about home school and schedules. I think it will also help me to get out and about to do some quality things with the kids instead of hiding in my house.

Here is my list of goals for this week. I hope you are inspired to make some positive goals for yourself too.:
1) Spend time reading the bible, praying, or doing a devotional every day
2) Try some new recipes that are blood sugar conscious and healthy, but creative and tasty
3)Treat myself like I am worth it. Spend time doing thins like painting my nails, keeping those legs shaved, etc.
4)getting some exercise. I already know what works for me so I don't need to spend time hunting around. I hope to work out 3 days this week and do something "active like taking a walk outside on the other days.
5) Because I know what my triggers are and how to loose weight for my body type I tend to loose quickly when I follow the rules. 5lbs is a pretty realistic goal for me between today (Saturday) and Friday.

I want to get in shape because I'm so tired of being a "Debbie Downer". I want to be cheerful, and laugh , and enjoy my life, because I have so much to be thankful for. Spending time feeling sad for myself and allowing myself to wallow in cookies and sadness is a waste.

And thank you to Jillian Michaels, Jenny McCarthy, and C.S. Lewis for being the voice of wisdom and inspiration as you always are to me ;)

Here it comes. Tomorrow is our first IEP meeting with the school since taking Aiden out, back in January. They have stopped pressuring me to bring him back immidiately once they did some testing and saw how much he had improved at home. I think they look at me and think "young, impetuous, pierced up mom. probly ignorant too." So I have actually made some efforts to dispell those negative assumptions. We're getting there.
So here is the part where I'm really torn. To keep Aiden home full time or put him back as a kindergardener. He tested well above all the kindergarden expectations, which sets him up for accademic success next year as a first grader. He is also closer to the maturity level of kindergarden. It would be good practice and help him get "into the swing" of things again. BUT there is a part of me that will never entirely trust the schools with the education of any of my children. I will always want it to be to my specs, or not at all. Aiden would benefit from the professional help, and social time of being in school at least part-time. BUT he is doing pretty well for now with the learning style he gets at home. I also appreciate that he isn't being exposed to outside influences and bullying. BUT there is a chance that being one of the older and mare advanced kids in the class would minimalize some of this.
I could go on. The debate in my mind is seemingly endless. No perfect solution. And the truth, when I'm being open and honest, it that I can't go on with full time homeschool forever. I have drained all of my personal time and energy to benefit ONE of my three children. There are days when I think about the quality of "preschool" education the babies are getting and I feel so frustrated. They deserve the same advantages Aiden had when he was little. They still REALLY need me.
So there it is. Where love and compassion meet the limits of energy and the physical body.

Happy 5th Birthday ~Nolan Michael~

I love him more

I was having a good day today. I was having a good day until a few minutes ago, when an "aidenesque" autistic meltdown began. The crying, strange body movements, and strange rationale. All of this over "paper". As soon as I put the lined paper, even though it was the textured kind that is better for sensory issues and hand control, he glazed over. It was some kind of overload for him that my mind can't understand. At first I was trying to sympathize, but he just wasn't meeting me halfway. Was it because he knew his school work was almost done for the day and he lost ability for self control? Was it the amount of lines on the paper or the daunting task of putting words on all the lines? WHAT THE HECK?!!! Tears people. His pet frog didn't die. No one said anything mean to him. He didn't fall down and get hurt. Now he's just sitting there, all floppy, dark circles under his eyes, staring at nothing. Occasionally he writhes around in his chair, but always with a strange posture and mannerisms.
Did you know that he didn't used to be like "this"? He was soooo smart. So focused. When he was one and a half he could do simple math, draw shapes and identify colors and numbers one to ten. Then when he was about two and a half the tantrums came. Then he couldn't remember things. Everything he did before stopped and his warm cuddly disposition vanished, and along came mood swings and vacant expressions. Why? I'm not sure. Do I think he was autistic when he was born, yes.
So here I am. I'm exhausted. My other kids want my attention and my smiles.
Homeschool has been going well, however I still don't view it as a permanent situation. I have been talking with the school about renewing his IEP. I will be going in next week to work on that. We are going to slowly re-introduce him to the regular classroom setting. First by going back for his OT and other therapy. Then for music and P.E. Then sometime next year he will be back in his classroom.
All the way up until recently I didn't think I would want to put him back in anytime soon. Then I started noticing the way this was affecting the babies. Then I really took inventory of my life. I don't want to blame things on homeschool, because I still think it has been the right choice. BUT, since homeschool I have lost ALL my personal time and time to do things with the babies while they are still little, the same things Aiden already got to do on his own when he was at home and an only child.
I don't know what his future holds. I pray regularly that God would inspire him, and provide opportunities and resources for him. We can't afford to give him all the things we want to, but we can't do that for our other kids either. What we can give them is a stable home, contentment, and love.
Love. He's sitting down there in his worst state. When he gets this way it is repellent. But here I am up here worrying about him, loving him, loving the sweet little person he can be and always is inside somewhere. God made him very unique, and I appreciate the beauty in that. A rare art that comes deep from the dark places of the soul.
I grieve the loss of the child I thought I had, I learn to live with the son I do have, and I await what's going to happen next. Nothing is the way we think it is, we can't possibly anticipate God's plans, they're too big and complex.
Now I am sitting here upstairs. I eventually left him there, a steaming mess on the kitchen floor. He couldn't hear anything I was saying and his ability to process things outside his own mind was shot. So I left him there, he needed the space.
So as I am finishing this blog he walked into the room rather proudly with his paper in his hand. I could already tell he was returning to a more neutral state. He had managed about two sentences, a HUGE feet of strength for those two sentences. I think it proves there was a battle between his body, brain, and spirit. Spirit seems to have won today.

I have been opening up blogger and trying to put something into this space for a week. I just can't! My mind is blank. Nothing. I'm pretty sure it is some kind of coping mechanism. For the first time in years my life is not in an upheaval. Everything is fairly peaceful and quiet (not literally, I mean things are going well). So instead of getting really depressive, trapped in my own thoughts, or crazy and rebellious, I just can't get in touch with the feelings department.
It really stinks, because that sad and mournful side of me is also passionate, motivated, and creative. This used to be the best time of year (around Nolan's birthday) to get things done. Now... nothing. I suppose it's healthy to be in a nice "normal" place, but I don't like it. I miss the way I used to see things, and how everything around me changes.
The weather has been nice, and that makes me cheerful ("blech!"), and we keep taking all these lovely family getaways. I feel just peachy, darnit.
So, my writing has stalled, I can't get into a book, I can't seem to loose the winter weight, and I'm just blah! Blah blah blah!

Warning: Big Sarcasm

I keep waiting for muffin-tops and white cankles to be trendy, but I don't think it's going to happen. I am really concerned, however, that God can't use me right now, because I am over my ideal BMI. The burden of 20 extra pounds has really been strengthening me as a person.
Any girl would rather be pretty than creative, wise, intellegent, motivated, or happy.

"Here's to well rounded, balanced living, and being happy how you are at this very minute."

What kind of pretty are you?

old dirty dish rag

Every spring, when it's time to do that annual spring cleaning, I have another annual chore that I perform. There comes a day every spring, when I walk into my local Target and see all the cutesy teeny tiny bathing suits. Instantly, I am thrown into a panic. I begin to take inventory of my physical state and realize that I am sadly unkempt and neglected from over the winter months. When was the last time those toenails saw a fresh coat of paint? or those legs a ray of natural light? Geese lady, are you trying to look like Tom Selleck?
And the scale, oh dreaded platform of my self loathing and shame. Step up lightly, and tell myself the worst case scenario, so that if it's anything less I walk away pleased.
Most of my friends probably noticed that somewhere around Christmas I suddenly silenced on the topic of weight loss. I will confess that I have, like most humans, been having health problems. NOTHING SERIOUS. Just the type of thing that can cause some set backs. In fact, lately I've been feeling well, and the lack of exercise is just from being out of habit. I also had a period of time when I was so stressed out I couldn't function. Again, exercise would certainly help that too.
So time to get back on the ol' proverbial bandwagon.
I'm not a very "materialistic" person. I don't daydream about shoes or purses. I am way past any notion that an article of clothing could possibly make me "happy". Still, there is something to be said for having clothes that fit. After loosing a huge amount of weight last summer and now having gained a portion of it back, I am neither here nor there. I own jeans from sizes 6-16. That alone can seriously pray on a woman's nerves. I loath getting dressed to leave the house, and the thought of warm weather and getting out my shorts... I can't even tell you... I don't know what to say. I want the warm sunny weather, with sunglasses, and sweet tea, and barbecue. But SHORTS!
So anyway, there has been some neglect over long cozy winter months with boots and big sweaters.
Today, I'm going to drink my coffee and when my morning caffeine buzz hits: exercise, shower, SHAVE, tweeze, self tanner, and some toe nail polish along with that big foot file.
AND, later this week I will hit the grocery store for some healthy food and fresh cooking ideas.
To top it all off, a Martin family first. Bryan is trying to get in shape too (we're feeling closer and closer to 30). How nice for once that my best buddy can also be my fitness buddy. Well, not that he's planning to Shred with me.

"Thank you Lord for this lovely peaceful morning. Thank you for the birds I hear outside. Please help me to be in a positive mood this week, even when things don't seem very positive. I beg you for extra energy for my physical body. I am pulled and worked in so many directions and sometimes I feel like I'm falling apart. Help me to be a great mother and wife today. Take the glory Lord, it's all for you. Amen, hallelujah, have a great day!"

I really enjoy change, especially in a controlled environment (when I'm choosing it). I really like changing my hair color and style, at least once a year. I didn't really get to do that for a while because I avoided hair chemical's while I was pregnant. So when I decided to go blond back in October I was really ready and excited. It took several months to get it as light as I wanted it. It's fun to be blond once in a while.
Anyway, so the whole blond thing started by recommendation from my husband. I enjoy his input when it comes to things like hair and clothes, he's my target audience after all. But when I finally turned up blond, he seemed rather indifferent. Not bad, he's definitely reacted much worse to other hair changes, but his reaction was definitely lacking.
So here it is only a few months later, I'm enjoying the blond, but when I was talking to him about scheduling my next hair appointment he says "yeah, you should go dark."
For real buddy? I like my hair either way, but what guy tries to get rid of a blond? So now I'm trying to decide what to do. Leave the blond a few more months? Or shake it up and do something different?
Either way, it's February and I still have about 10lbs that need to go away before summer.

new blog

I have a new blog. This is probably the only time I will mention it here. I don't really plan to "pormote" my new blog the same ways as I have this one in the past. Although I would like some info from anyone who knows how to gain more followers from a specific community such as by the topic of the blog.
yeah, there ya have it.
http://godchuckle.blogspot.com/

thankful...Friday?

I should have stopped to do a "Thursday Thanks" blog yesterday, I was just really busy and lost in all the projects I'm working on. SO I'm going to do thanks today instead. So here's my list and a little prayer for the weekend:

1. I am soooo-uh-oh grateful to my parents for my new computer. I have to add here that it was partly in support of my return to school coming up, but also an early birthday gift celebrating Nolan's 5th birthday-anniversary. More on that another time.

2. I am grateful for taxes. I can't say that every year, but I'll just leave it at that.

3. I'm grateful for my home. I have really enjoyed practicing a new "home-centered" way of living. That includes home school life.

4. I'm thankful for motivation and energy. Sometimes I don't have any, right now I have enough to spare. And I have been productive too!

5. Change. Not everyone enjoys change, but I know I do. Not without some difficulty, of course. Life should be treated like an adventure, a great commission. I don't know what God has planned for me next, but I know whatever it is I can glorify Him through it. Therefore no experience, good or bad, ever has to be a waste.

"Dear Lord, thank you for reminding me this week about the temporary existence we have here in this realm. Thank you for the energy and good health you have given me so that I may seize each opportunity to do something of value. This week was really planned out by you, and I'm thankful for the opportunity to trust you. Amen."

Back in Black (favorite color :)

I never thought I would say this, but I sure am in the mood for summer. I have a mad craving for barbecue and a penchant for potato salad. I wouldn't even mind a little more sunlight (just no weather above 60).
Yep, it's a sure sign that I'm either divinely motivated or loosing my mind.

So...I have a computer. I'm so so so so soooo excited. I really needed one for school, but I have writers sickness and couldn't stand to be alone with myself any longer. Now I can clear my mind once in a while. Yes, I do know how to use a pen and paper, but I don't want to explain the difference.
So, now that I have had all this time free of internet and all of it's time sucking traps, I'm having a hard time wanting to return to cyberworld. I love the blog community and have no qualms with returning here, it's all those "other places" that I'm not so sure about.
So I will have to give the others some consideration. I do highly recommend a break from reality to anyone who is considering it. Believe it or not you do not NEED a cell phone, computer, car, or instant macaroni and cheese. I made home made biscuits the other day, HOME MADE. yeah, you try that sometime

Side note: when editing, why does spell check always tell me "internet" should be capitalized? it's not a real place, or person. ?? (I'm rolling my eyes here)

reformation

Being changed hurts.
I am most surely leaving a season in my life behind. With great excitement and fire, and also with much reluctance and questioning. Why is it that all the things God asked me to do 6 months ago, are now the things he is asking me to set aside? That is so frustrating.
But I do fully trust that he has an adventure planned for the next few years of my life, full of joy, heartache, truth, and revelations.

Have you ever been so sure or on fire to do something, but yet felt SO short when it comes to accomplishing any part of the test? I know that in this way we who answer yes are in good company. Moses truly comes to mind when I think of not only being faced with a difficult charge, but also the manner of response. I keep telling God how utterly confused I am about the things He has asked me to do. haha. But alas, El Elyon (wink), certainly in a very royal way just replies "stop wandering and just do this". I feel that the one with certain, complete, and divine right over my future is not someone I can say "no" to.
But as many of you know, my hands are commanded by my head, which is attached to my mouth, and therefore I am the sort of person who is almost incapable of doing without saying. Sometimes complaining, sometimes praising.

"Lord, please bless my friends. Please open doors. Thank you for thinking well enough of me to ask me to do anything that may give you glory, and for continuing to provide the means to go forward. Bless my family, and all the ways each of us is growing and changing. Please continue to bring the needy closer to you. Take pity on those who feel they are running out of hope. Grant me strength and resourcefulness. Amen."

No- I am not back online. You still have to call me the old fashioned way.
yes- homeschooling is going well, I think
yes- i still have a cold which I believe has progressed to "infection"
Miss and love you guys!

Why you won't see me for a while

My computer is broken. We somehow got a terrible virus and decided to scrap it. So if you need to get a hold of my you'll have to call or text.

This situation seems to be a direct answer to prayer. This past week I have been having some health problems involing fatigue and other symptoms. I also found out, finally, that we will be eligable to transfer full benefits from Bryan's GI bill into my name. Which means I have re applied to Pierce and shold be starting school in March. ALSO, after a draining week back to school and all the emotional issues Aiden has been having... we submitted our waiver to homeschool and have taken him out of public school... for now.

During my quiet time the other morning I was begging God to help me refocus so that I could be more productive, start dealing with my health issues, and help Aiden with his needs. Then my computer broke. Message recieved.

should not be wearing that

Usually, when it comes to getting in shape I like to just throw myself in full force. Everything all at one.

This week I am planning something a little different.
So it's true for me as it is for many those holiday pounds are oozing out around the top of my jeans. Nothing fits right and the the weight is likely the reason for several other "ailments" right now. Something must be done.

Bryan has taken the next week off and we are planning a little mini vacation next weekend for our 8th anniversary. So, I have been worried about the idea or "dieting" this week, or setting the standard too high considering this won't be a normal week.
So I deiced for once I will take the proverbial "baby steps".
This week I plan, and Bryan has been informed, to do my workout (Shred), Monday through Friday. I will make healthy meals but I refuse to guilt myself. When Bryan is home it is SO much harder to say no to the snacks. So, for now I will get my tushie into gear and devise a more long term approach for everything else.

To go along with this subject I have been thinking about a few other things. You know how sometimes in life one thing effects another? For example: I do my bible study, and then I feel like working out, and in turn I want to spend more time doing one on one things with the kids with out everyone yelling and ending up in their rooms. This is kind of my second goal for the week. It's sort of hard to articulate what I mean, except to say that I am working on getting "re-centered", if you will. Part of making a plan and facing a long term challenge is the way it changes the way you see all the other things around you. I just got a new day planner for the year and every time I have to write something in I try to figure out if it is helping or hurting my over all plan. For now, the things that are not helping are being dealt with temporarily, but are being put on a "discard" list. Weeding out the excess. Bringing the focus back where it should be and moving forward.

So, anyway, that was more rambling than I indented. To all my friends who are interested in this buddy system, I recommend you check out Missy's new blog, http://gethealthy4god.blogspot.com/ . I'm working on setting up a "kick off" party VERY soon. I have some really fun ideas about that. More info coming very very soon (like probably tomorrow).